The Joys of High-Ish Heels | Women's Voices For Change

A piece I wrote for another site. Is it too much to ask for shoes to look good AND feel good??

The Joys of High-Ish Heels | Women's Voices For Change

Can You Say Your Mate is Fat?

Several years ago, one of my best friends, Charlotte, gained quite a bit of weight. Although we talk about everything, I watched her get bigger and bigger but I didn't say anything because I didn't think I was supposed to.   Every television talk show  has had an episode where people were admonished  for bringing up a friend's/family member's weight.   We are told "don't do it".   So I didn't.   I wondered what the heck was going on but I said nothing.   So imagine my surprise a few months later when she yelled at me over lunch for not pointing out her weight gain.  The conversation went something like this:

Charlotte:  Did you notice that I gained weight?

Me:  Of course.

Charlotte:  Well, why the f*&^ didn't you say something?

Me:  I didn't think i was supposed to.

Charlotte:   Why not?  You're supposed to be my friend.  Why wouldn't you say something, for chrissakes?!

Me:  (laughing)  You knew you were fat.  You knew it before I did.   What were you seeing when you were naked in front of the mirror? 

Charlotte:  I don't know.  I guess I wasn't paying attention, but I would think a good friend would call my attention to it instead of just letting me get bigger and bigger.

She went on to say her husband finally said something to her and that she was now trying to correct it but she would have preferred I said something as soon as I noticed.  I pointed out to her that I think her husband --moreso than me-- is the person who should say something.   She made me promise that I would tell her the next time she started to pork up and so I did.  She appreciated it.

Charlotte and I still laugh about this, but I think she's unusual in that way.   I don't think most people want to have their weight gain pointed out to them.   Which leads me to this next situation.  My friend, Janis, has a friend who is concerned about his girlfriend's weight gain.  They've been living together for about six months and he is troubled by the weight she has put on during that time.  So he asked Janis if he should say something to her.  Janis wasn't sure, so she posted a Facebook poll to ask some of her friends what they thought.  The responses were interesting, with the vast majority saying a resounding NO.

I was one of those in the minority because I think he should say something to her.   In fact, I think he has to.   When one-half of a couple is bothered by something about the other half, it's going to come out one way or another.   When people don't voice their concerns, they usually act them out and that's worse.  We all know what it's like to be with someone who's acting strange, being different but he/she isn't saying anything.  You know something's wrong but you dont' know what.  That's what would happen here.   If he doesn't say to her that her weight gain is bothering him, he will show her and I think that's more hurtful.  I say "man up" and say what's on your mind.   Be sensitive, be caring, but be straight with her.   It'll clear the air and keep him from glaring at her belly or rolling his eyes every time she reaches for a cookie. 

I was with an ex- recently and noticed that he'd put on quite a bit of weight.  I hadn't quite decided how far this reconnection was going to go, but I do recall being somewhat taken aback by the size of his gut when he took his shirt off while working in the yard.   I thought "ooh, that's not good".   I couldn't decide what to say or how to say it so I said nothing but I wasn't thrilled.   Fortunately, it became clear pretty quickly that it wouldn't be a good idea for us to re-start the relationship so his weight gain became a moot point... but I couldn't help but wonder if it would have been inappropriate to say something.  Part of my concern was appearance and part of it was health.  It's been proven that weight gain around the middle, in particular, is not a good thing from a health perspective.   But I know people talk the health angle when what they're really thinking about is the appearance.  The health thing is really only a concern if we're going to be together long-term.  The immediate issue was that it just didn't look good.   I'm not sure it should matter but I felt like it might.  (Yeah, I was having a shallow moment).

I don't think it's fair to mention being bothered by someone's weight gain if you entered the relationship knowing your partner has weight "issues".   However, a normally slim/fit person who gains 40 pounds changes the equation and I think it's fair to say something.


But I was surprised at how many people, mostly women, were adamant that weight is off- limits as a "something's bothering me" subject, no matter what.  What do you think?

Birthday Girl

Today is my birthday.  I love a birthday.  It's my excuse to up the ante on food and drink and other festivities for a couple of weeks.  I usually have some sort of gathering to celebrate, but with the busy lives we all have, of course, all the invitees can't make it.  Those who can't make it are given the opportunity to treat me at another time  :-) , so the celebration goes on and on! 

My neighbor, Traci surprised me this morning with breakfast, flowers, and a gift certificate to her friend's lingerie shop, Journelle.  (We are straight, despite appearances here)!  I then spent most of the morning on the phone with my family and a few friends wishing me a happy day.  Because my birthday is always around Thanksgiving Day, people usually remember it even if they don't get the actual day right. So I've been receiving birthday wishes since Wednesday.  I like it.

I was supposed to have lunch with an old beau (he would probably prefer if I said ex-beau), but I couldn't pull it off.  I got very behind and had a lot going on, so we re-scheduled.  It'll be fun. Hanging out with ex-beaus (something I do quite a bit) is usually great because it's like a snapshot of the good times when we were together... with none of the headaches.


This afternoon, I treated myself to a day spa in Gramercy, using the steam room and having an awesome, much-deserved massage!  It was heavenly and I feel like I new woman.  I just had Thanksgiving Day leftovers (yummmm) and am now headed for a nap.  About 10 of us are going out later tonight to finish off the birthday celebration with food and drinks and
birthday cake, and maybe a little dancing. (Thanks, Benilde!)


This was certainly a Spinsterlicious birthday because it included so many of my favorite things.   What about you?  What Spinsterlicious plans do you have for your next birthday?

Thankful

I'm hosting Thanksgiving Dinner this year.  Here in my tiny NYC apartment several friends will gather at around 4p to feast, drink, laugh, and be thankful.   I'm doing the dinner the best way I know how: A Fresh Direct Thanksgiving!   Yay!!   Fresh Direct prepares and delivers an entire Thanksgiving dinner to your door!  That's right: veggies, cranberry sauce, stuffing, gravy, rolls, dessert and a mostly-cooked turkey.  The turkey has to be cooked for maybe 2 hours; everything else just needs heating up. It's all the joys of a delicious, delightful Thanksgiving dinner with about 1/4 of the work.  It's a beautiful thing.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Good food, good people, good times. Everybody celebrates it and there's nothing not to like. (Even if the original Thanksgiving story is a little suspect, we ignore it).  So, while I'm doing little things around the house to prepare for my guests, here's a few things that I'm extremely thankful for (in no particular order):

-Turkey wings, my favorite part

-My life, in general. It's fantastic, I'm much appreciative and do not take my good fortune for granted

-My sister, Phyllis (and Danny's auntie) who's one of my best friends.  The rest of my family and the good relationships we have.  I know everybody cannot say that and I'm glad that I can

-Flavored coffee

-My friends. I'm so fortunate to have such a great circle of friends who are fun, smart, and good people.  I don't dare try to list them, though, because I'm sipping on the dinner wine (gotta make sure it's right) and if I forget someone...uh-oh. But they know who they are.

-My job (and the folks) at Taylor PR. I'm new there but I kinda dig the place.

-Gummy bears, Dots, and Swedish Fish

-The Boy

-My health. It's super good, especially for an old-ish broad.

-A relatively warm November

-My shoe collection.

-My financial health. It's good.  It hasn't always been, but I'm liking the way things are looking.

-Danny, the world's cutest dog

-DVR


Happy Thanksgiving to all.  I'd love to know at least one thing you're thankful for this year.  Tell me...

Sometimes Being Single Sucks

As you know, I like being single.  But sometimes being single sucks. And when I say "single", I don't mean "not married", I mean "not in a relationship".  I never think being unmarried sucks, but I do like having a boyfriend.


Right now is one of those times when I'm less than thrilled about being single.  Yes, I am kinda seeing someone, but it's not that serious yet. I need something serious right now because I need somebody to drag to the office Xmas party and the multitude of other business-related holiday parties I'm facing in the coming month.  I've learned the hard way that the office party is not the place to bring a "casual something". The office party is for spouses, fiances, significant others.

"The guy I see" isn't quite appropriate for this setting. Why?  Because for the rest of the year the boss will ask "How's Dave"... or worse, "Where's Dave" because by then I've moved onto to someone else, but I don't really feel like explaining it.  It can be awkward. After awhile I start to get embarrassed because there's been times when it was a different guy every office social occasion. Glad, yes, that I had guys available...but also embarrassed because I might be looking like a slut. 

But I don't really like going alone, either.  I can be a little clumsy, socially, at parties where I don't know a lot of people.  It's better when I have someone with me that can save me from myself and my awkward behavior.  So being single is about to suck soon because the office party is in a couple of weeks.

This time of year is probably the time I'm most likely to wish I could wave a magic wand and change my situation, but there are a few other times when I'd prefer not to be single:

• A couple of months ago "something" happened in a neighboring apartment and several of her roaches found their way into my apartment.  I've always been pleased that my place was not the exaggerated, overdone stereotype of a roach-infested NYC apartment.  But, in a flash, I went from seeing maybe 1-2 roaches a year to 1-2 a day. I was not happy.  And as much smack as I can talk, I can be taken down by an insect because I am terrified of roaches.  I can barely bring myself to squash one so I usually try to drown them...which is stupid because they're not always in the sink.  Pouring water on the floor or trying to throw it on them as they scurry across the wall is, well...   So it would have been really nice to let him take care of them...if there had been a him.

• There was a recent article in the Sunday New York Times (http://nyti.ms/biMM5b) about a single woman who had bedbugs and felt that having a husband would have made this more manageable.  I can relate to that.

• Whenever I need help with electronics I have to borrow Tony, Traci's husband.  I'm afraid she (or he) may get sick of me one day.

• In the wintertime, I don't always want to walk the dog at night in the freezing cold. That's something he could do.

I'm sure there must be other times when being single can suck, but this is all I got right now?  Can you think of any?

Girl Scout Cookies and Other Woes

It's that time of year again.   Makes me almost want to go into hiding.   Every year about this time I am harassed by some kid's parent who is selling stuff I don't need or want. Right now it's Girl Scout Cookies, but in a few minutes it'll be wrapping paper -or- chocolate bars -or- those caramel Turtle things -or- some tchotchke to benefit the school band -or-  well, you get the point.   Maybe if I had kids I'd see this through a different lens, but I don't so... .   I really just want to be left alone.


But, ya know, there's no way out of this without seeming like a grumpy old b&*^%.  There's no explanation I can give for not wanting to buy whatever your kid is selling because, of course, it's helping some super-important cause and how could I refuse?  Not wanting what is being sold apparently isn't a good enough reason.  And it's only a few dollars; I won't even miss it, right?  

This time that old adage really is true, though:   it's not the money, it is the principle.  I don't want what you're selling.  And I don't want it repeatedly because everybody with a kid is selling something. (And why is the parent selling it anyway?  Isn't this supposed to be some kind of teachable moment for the kid?  What are you doing?)  

I feel like I'm being robbed. I know a lot of people with kids and I'm being hit up all the time and nobody really cares how I feel about it (said tearfully). 

Lately I've started to put my foot down...kinda.  I really don't want the "stuff", so I just give 'em the money and say --with a smile-- you can keep the cookies/paper/chocolate...whatever it is.  But guess what: some people are offended at that, too.  I can't win...though I kinda do because I just treat it like any random donation, and I don't end up with a bunch of stuff I don't want.  I don't know why I didn't think of this years ago.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way

Travel Feeds My Soul

There are few things I enjoy more than traveling.  That might be the reason I go to work every day; so I can fund my next trip.  I want to go everywhere.  Last weekend I went to London...just for the weekend!   So cool and so fun.

I got in at 7a Saturday morning.  The Boy met me at the airport.  We had brunch at a diner in South Kensington, took a stroll through beautiful Hyde Park, and discovered an interesting neighborhood called Shepherd's Market.  I slept through what-I'm-told was a cute movie with Gerard Depardieu (jet lag finally kicked in), but was very much awake for a fun dinner at a pub called The Only Running Footman. Weird name.  It had the feel of a "typical" English pub but with much better food.  Sunday it poured rain but for some reason I didn't mind too much.  We had a lazy start, this time working our way through Holland Park before some light shopping in Mayfair and another great meal. (Seems like all I do is eat).  A 6:30p flight back to NYC got me home in time for my usual bedtime.  I was exhausted...but so satisfied.

This was my third trip to Europe this year.  I went to Paris in May and the southern coast of Spain in August.  Only the Paris trip was really planned.  Spain and London were more opportunistic (meaning someone said "come" and I said "yes, indeed").  So Spinsterlicious, right?

I’ve traveled throughout the U.S. to major cities and small towns, plus Argentina, Brazil, China, Costa Rica, England, France, Hungary, Indonesia, Ireland, Morrocco, Spain, South Africa, Switzerland, and United Arab Emirates.   Last year this time I was on safari in Tanzania.   Seeing the lives of others and experiencing their cultures, even though just briefly, is such a great experience. 

But there's no place like home, either.  I'm always thinking of packing my bags for my next adventure AND I'm always happy to plant my feet back on the soil of the good old U.S. of A.  

I think part of what makes for a great life --a Spinsterlicious life--  is having the ability to stoke your passions. Mine is traveling. What turns you on?

Child-free… or Just Free? | Women's Voices For Change

Child-free… or Just Free? | Women's Voices For Change

Above, an article I posted on another site: Women's Voices for Change

Wedding Dreaming

Kleinfeld's --a popular store in my neighborhood-- has the largest selection of designer and couture wedding dresses (or so they say). It's located a block from my apartment building so I pass it often.  When I'm walking my dog on the weekends, I usually pass a few brides-to-be with their moms/aunts/grandmothers or friends/wedding party. Occasionally there's an annoyed-looking man with them. 

A couple of weeks ago, I struck up a conversation with a woman standing outside the store who asked to pet my dog while she was waiting for her mother to show up. She looked to be about 35 years old and was "over the moon" (her words) about getting married, which I thought was sweet.  It was her next comment that gave me pause.  Actually more than "pause" because it happened a few weeks ago and I'm still thinking about it.  She said she'd been dreaming about her wedding since she was 11.  And before you say "lots of little girls like to play bride" --which is what I was thinking-- she went on to tell me that she and her mother had "designed" her entire wedding for her 11th birthday. I laughed...because I thought she was joking...I mean, she had to be, right?  No. She meant it.

Since age 11, she has known where her wedding would be (The Plaza Hotel), her color scheme (pink and yellow), the kind of cake (multi-tiered, vanilla and cherry something) and what the dress would look like (long train, spaghetti straps...I forget the rest).  Through the years, she said she would update details on the dress and tear out pictures that fit her vision.  Now remember, she's about 35 now so she has done this for almost 25 years. 

Is it just me?  This seems a little nuts to me.  But not to everybody.  I shared this story with a woman I know and she was like "yeah, so what".  Okay, so maybe it is me. What I remember most is this grown woman gushing that she was finally getting the wedding she's been dreaming about for, lo, these many years.  Here's the thing: she never once mentioned the groom...her husband-to-be...the guy she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with.  And that's what I don't get.  The wedding ceremony seemed to mean a lot more than the marriage, the 'til-death-do-us-part bit.  I sure hope it works out for her.

The woman who's been dreaming about her wedding all her life --not the marriage and actual life-- but the wedding: what is her deal??? (Needless to say, I've never done that, but I do know this chick isn't the only one.)

A Boy in London

So, I'm off to London today to visit a boy.  We've dated off-and-on for about 10 years, never really seriously, but always finding our way back to each other.  We like each other.  We get along and like to do a lot of the same things. But we always drift apart, usually my fault ("hey, who's that cute guy over there?").

Anyway, we've found our way back to each other again and I'm being better this time.  He's working in London these days but comes back to NYC for a visit every 3-4 weeks, and he/we thought it'd be a nice idea if I came over for a visit.  It'll be short...just for the weekend.  Only a weekend because I don't have any more vacation time at work to take...which kinda sucks.  Anyway, maybe the weekend is the right amount of time: long enough to enjoy each other, short enough not to get on each other's nerves.  I'm expecting it to be quite fun.

Long (very long) distance relationships: how do you pull them off?

You Still Single???

I've had a few conversations with fellow Spinsters about appropriate responses to the question "why aren't you married?"  I get asked that a lot, and lots of other women I know do, too.  I'm a little bemused about the double standard here because, while most people think it's perfectly acceptable to ask someone why they're single, it would seem hostile to ask someone "why are you married?"  So I don't ask, but I often want to know the answer to that question.

 I know that most people who ask are not trying to be insulting and I always feel like the onus is on me to keep the tenor of the conversation light.  So, instead of saying "I'll tell you why I'm not married if you'll tell me why you are", I try to respond without responding; I don't want to offend yet I really don't want to treat this as an important question.  And, honestly, I don't wonder why people, in general, get married; I do, though sometimes wonder why some specific people get married...or married to the person they're married to.

Anyway, I try to always have in the back of my mind an array of responses, depending on the situation, who I'm talking to, and most importantly, my mood.  They range from passive to simple to provocative to ridiculous to quite honest, and they include (always said with a smile):

• Gee, I haven't found the right guy
• Oh, there's still time (which is kinda funny because of my age)
• Clearly there's something very wrong with me
• No one will even go out with me
• It's cheaper and less stressful than a divorce
• Because I'm not ready to stop having sex
• I like dating too much
• Because I want him to go home sometimes
• I'm just too good for any one man
• It just seems really, really hard...and I'm lazy

What I've learned, though, is it really doesn't matter what my response is because the ask-er has usually already decided that there's something wrong with me.  Getting married is the norm and bucking the norm is...abnormal.

I need some new material: please send me a few good responses to this rather tiring question.

Uh-Oh. I Might Be a Hypocrite

About a month ago, a woman I used to work with wanted to introduce me to her friend, a "nice guy who's really fun", according to her.  He did sound good.  Apparently handsome, educated in "good schools" (for whatever that's worth), gainfully employed, great sense of humor, nice to his mother.  Sounded like a real gem.  I said "sure".  I'm usually game to go out with somebody fun...and you never know, it could lead to something more.  Except it wouldn't.  Here's why it wouldn't: Dude was 52 and had never been married. (Gasp).  I put the brakes on right there.  I wasn't going out with him.  Nope.  (I know.  I should be ashamed of myself).

But let me explain.  When I meet a grown woman who has never been married and has no kids, I don't think anything.  Those are date points without a distinction.  Not true with a guy, though.  A bright red flag goes up when that same description is tied to a man.  I wanna know what's wrong with him.  Seriously.  Something must be. I know it's not fair.  But I still think it.  I can't quite put it into words that I can defend, but I still think it.

So I told her "no thanks".  When I told her why, of course she thought I was nuts.  I don't care.  It wouldn't work.  At the very least, one of us needs to have some sense of how to be in a long-term committed relationship and it's not me...so the onus is on him.  Sorry.

So, I'm a hypocrite.  Single, chldfree women are fine; single, childfree men are weird.  Tell me I'm not the only one who feels that way.

The Magic Baby

I've lived in the same building for 20 years.  A fellow Spinster has lived in my building for about that same amount of time.  A dour, unfriendly, even rude Spinster (the opposite of Spinsterlicious).  She would look through me in the elevator, pretended not to hear when I greeted her, and refused to join in the casual banter that often happens in our lobby.  I live in a friendly building so her frosty behavior is even more noticeable and more unusual.  I used to think it was personal, but another neighbor commented on how aloof this chick is.  We, laughingly, decided it was because she's not as cute as we are!

I'm speaking about her behavior in the past tense, though, because even though she still lives in the building (and Traci and I are still cute), Rude Girl seems to have had a personality transplant.  She smiled and spoke to me the other day as we passed on the street  and I almost walked into a car in my surprise.  A few days later, I saw her in the lobby and she asked me how I was doing.  Another shocker.  I didn't want to be petty, so we made cheerful small talk as we waited for the elevator.  I noticed she was pregnant so I congratulated her and asked her when she was due.  She actually had given birth six weeks before!  Ordinarily I would have been mortified that I'd made such a gaffe, but this time I thought it was kinda funny and really long overdue after her years of "I don't see you".

And here's the thing.  She really is a different person now.  Susie Sunshine these days.  Since I never wanted kids, the transformation they can have on someone is sometimes lost on me.  I do know that babies can be super-special when you really want one, but this one is a magician!

I am a little worried, though; what happens when Magic Baby goes through the proverbial "terrible twos"?  Will Mommy stop speaking to me again, go back to her former grumpy self?  This will be interesting to watch.  Stay tuned...

But really...what do you make of this?  I'm a little puzzled.

 

Spinsterlicious Shoe-of-the-Week 11/04

I was going to another damn wedding.  (Weddings can be boring).  Not that I wasn't delighted for the happy couple, but they wouldn't give me a +1, so I had to go alone.  I hate when people won't let me bring a date to their wedding and I hate going to most weddings alone.  I would think they would want their guests to be comfortable...and not going alone is what makes me comfortable.  Yeah, I get that they don't want to pay for a maybe-boyfriend since he's not your husband but you know what: they're paying for somebody's husband/wife that they don't know, cousins they don't like, and couples that will soon break up.  Anyway, I wasn't in the mood to go alone to this one because I wouldn't know a lot of people there so I would really be alone.

But I was going because I was happy for the couple and wanted to celebrate their union.  I was also cranky, though, for the reasons I just stated.  I knew what I was going to wear, but once I got dressed I was underwhelmed with the look.  It was just ok.  I didn't have time to change into a new outfit so I just changed my shoes.  That change mad all the difference in the world!  My outfit went from "passable" to "great".  It was the shoes.  My legs looked great, dress flowed differently.  Changed my whole attitude.  

I strutted into the wedding, smiled and said my hellos, danced a few dances, and had the good sense to leave early when I started to get bored.  I was fully in control.  And that's why this is the Spinsterlicious Shoe-of-the-Week.

Do you have a Spinsterlicious Shoe story that you're willing to share?  A story where the shoes made the difference?  When you knew you were hot?  When they changed your attitude?  Write me with a story and a picture of the shoe at eleanore@TheSpinsterliciousLife.com

Making Hannah Spinsterlicious

My friend, Hannah, is a Spinster like me.  Unlike me, though, she really hates it.  It makes me a little sad that she does, because I think she’s got a pretty good life in so many respects.   She’s cute (some guys even say “hot”), has an active social life, a good-paying full-time job, and a side hustle that she really enjoys.  She owns her home, has a car with a reasonable monthly payment, and me as a good friend :-).   I look at all this and think she’s got a lot going for herself, but she hates being single and not having kids…and it’s dragging her down.


So, I want to help her feel better about the place she’s in.  I know I can’t really “make her Spinsterlicious”; only she can do that, but I’d like to try to help.  Spinsterlicious-ness is a mindset, a place that celebrates what’s good about your life, and frees you up to enjoy the choices you’ve made…consciously or unconsciously.  I don’t think she needs to love being single, but I do think she should embrace what’s good about her life.   So here’s a few thoughts I want to share with her:


   1. Try not to feel/look/act desperate.  It's not attractive to guys AND it causes you to make poor decisions (not you specifically, desperation makes anyone make poor decisions)
   2. Think for just a minute about all the miserable married people you know.  Just the miserable ones.  It’ll remind you that marriage is not necessarily the answer to your problems.  Which leads me to point  3.
   3. Is it really being single that’s making you so sad, or are there other things going on in your life that might be causing it, and being single is just something easy to point to?
   4. Take an assessment of what’s good about your life and “live there” for awhile.  Studies show that people who actively appreciate their good fortunes are happier.  And finally…
   5. Throw on some high heels and lip gloss…and a smile the next time you go out.  (It can’t hurt!)

I’d love to hear other perspectives.  Do you have any advice for Hannah to help her live a Spinsterlicious life…for the time being –or- forever?  Please post your thoughts below and let’s get this girl movin’!

Sorry, I Can't Babysit. (It is Flu Season, Right?)

I have a neighbor that I’m very friendly with (which is different from actually being friends.  I make that distinction because  it’ll help you look kinder on me at the end of this story).   I usually bump into her when I’m walking the dog and we spend a few minutes catching up on…whatever.   We’ve met a few times for coffee, dessert, alcohol.  I like her.

She has a great 6-year old daughter who is very smart.  The daughter loves my dog, Danny, and seems to like me, too.  She loves to regale me with stories about what happened at school or with her cousins who live nearby.  I always pretend to be interested.  (Sometimes I actually am).  She’s a cute kid.

Ok, so why am I telling you this?  The other day while on my walk, I bumped into her mother.  While we were chatting, she mentioned that she needed a sitter for a few hours on Saturday and wondered if she could drop Darling Daughter at my house while she went off to do God-knows-what. 

I was pleased that she trusted me enough to leave her daughter with me.  I was also horrified.  I chose not to have kids for a reason, and there is no way in the world that I was going to spend my Saturday afternoon with a talkative 6-year.  This delightful little girl is one of the chattiest people I know.  Nope; not doing it.  I told her mother I thought I was catching the flu.  Ha!  (Was I wrong?)