Several years ago, a guy I was dating decided to break up with me two days before a big party he was throwing. I had been looking forward to this party for weeks because it would be big and fancy and fun. The outfit I had picked out was perfect. It was part of a series of important charitable events being held for this specific cause and would be "the place to be" that night...if you could get in.
So when he called to tell me he had run into his old girlfriend who wanted to come to the party...as his guest...and he had agreed, well I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. This was messed up on too many levels: (1) he chose her over me, (2) we were breaking up, (3) we were breaking up before this party I was looking so forward to, (4) I would feel embarrassed.
And one of the worst things was that lots of media would be in attendance at this party, so I couldn't even plan to pretend it wasn't happening because it would be covered in all the local newspapers, TV news, and all over the internet. Geez.
I called my girlfriends to tell them what happened and received all the expected support: "Oh no...that's horrible...what a bastard...I'm so sorry." They all said the right soothing things.
Except Lauren. She said: "You're going to that d*** party".
Me: "What?"
Lauren: Call G (a previous ex-), take him, get glammed up, go to the party, and have a blast. EFF HIM!"
And that's exactly what I did. G was the right date for so many reasons: he was richer and more handsome than the guy who dumped me, he's fun and sociable, and loves to dance. We had a ball.
So what about you? Have you ever been given any advice that changed what seemed to be the likely outcome of a situation? Please share.
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15 comments:
The best advice I ever received was Never do something to get a man that you do not want to continue doing to keep him.
Thought this was just too cool good for you. So often we let the BF's letdowns of a Bf affect us negatively and we are the ones to lose out . Not advice but from lessons learned. keep being yourself , be bolder if you are bold and live life ,enjoy life as if there was no tomorrow.You can't regret if you it today(;-)
If I'd ever received any good advice on relationships, I wouldn't be where I am today! But I like the idea of delivering a big ol' f**k-you after you've been dumped. Spectacular.
This article was lacking and could have been a good one. The site is for women who are empowered the article to me comes across as saying I am a victim which is why you looked for support Lauren was a friend who said it right out stop being a victim. But you ended up gloating and comparing the person who you joined you at the event to the man you were previously involved. If you were empowered and in control you would not have done that. You were still hurting and needed to hurt the other. To be in control it would not have made a difference if you were alone or with someone else you would have been there just to enjoy yourself and network not to compare or look for a reaction.
Will Lauren be my friend too?
The best advice I got from my mom, weirdly enough. When I was about 15, she said, "Guys will say anything to get into your pants." It sounds like such a cliche, and so simple, but remembering that made me pretty much immune to all kinds of bs, sweet-talk and flattery that wasn't backed up by actions. A guy who's really interested in you as a person will show it in ways besides a bunch of talk.
May not have changed the outcome of a particular situation, but it certainly changed my perspective....Years ago, during a period when I was feeling particularly salty and put upon by everyone in my life, I shut down for a couple of weeks to sulk about how selfish everyone was being; taking and never giving anything in return. My BFF finally got a hold of me and said, "Look, when God was asking who wanted to be responsible, didn't nobody tell you to raise your hand." In that moment, I got really clear-we always get to choose what and how we give to others. And, we can just as easily choose not to.
May not have changed the outcome of a particular situation, but it certainly changed my perspective....Years ago, during a period when I was feeling particularly salty and put upon by everyone in my life, I shut down for a couple of weeks to sulk about how selfish everyone was being; taking and never giving anything in return. My BFF finally got a hold of me and said, "Look, when God was asking who wanted to be responsible, didn't nobody tell you to raise your hand." In that moment, I got really clear-we always get to choose what and how we give to others. And, we can just as easily choose not to.
May not have changed the outcome of a particular situation, but it certainly changed my perspective....Years ago, during a period when I was feeling particularly salty and put upon by everyone in my life, I shut down for a couple of weeks to sulk about how selfish everyone was being; taking and never giving anything in return. My BFF finally got a hold of me and said, "Look, when God was asking who wanted to be responsible, didn't nobody tell you to raise your hand." In that moment, I got really clear-we always get to choose what and how we give to others. And, we can just as easily choose not to.
Once when I was pining away over a boyfriend, my very wise grandmother said the following: "Get another one. If that one don't act right, just get another one. They are making them thangs every day." NEXT! has always been my mantra and I have my good ole' southern granny to thank!
Ditto to BCDA in NC little Grannie I agree... I decided to go back to on line dating after reading comments that alot of people found their "soulmates" on line. This time I did my thinking and took my time and decided on match.com and it has been a 50/50 crap shoot. I have found another scammer wanting my money (I can spot them in a nano-second lol) and the ones wanting sex 5 minutes after they meet you !! But I did meet a man who gave me some good advice. He said "You have to keep trying and just when you are ready to give up that is when you are going to find someone." So that is what I am doing I paid until May 3rd and every night I search the eligible men and send out 2 messages to let them know I am interested in getting to know you better. So far it has been ??? iffy ??? I have met a couple of men both are heavy drinkers that I will not want to see again but at least they did not want to sleep with me 5 minutes after they met me so that was a good thing !!! NOW if I can just meet a light drinker I will have it made !!! I am not going to give up yet !!! I know he is out there somewhere ... LOL
Watch the way a man talks to people who serve him (waiters, store clerks, etc). If he treats them badly, it's only a matter of time before he starts treating you that way.
the best advice i received was "keep moving forward" and "no one can hurt unless you let them" from my girl friends. love them so much.
At this moment I can't think of a piece of good advice to share but I know I have received plenty. But I do want to respond to one of the Anonymous ladies. You must raise your standards. You stated "Now if I can just meet a man who is a light drinker." Why does he have to drink at all. Actually you might have been joking, I hope. This reminds me of a girl who was having trouble finding the right one and she replied "I am lowering my standards. I now only require that he wash and speak some english." This was of course a joke and we laughed about it for years. Aunt Danny
That was an awesome tale! I love it when women grab a situation and dominate it. I enjoy those types of stories that empower females, and you are a strong woman for it.
I, myself, hate relationship advice, because I often get garbage. I'm more or less the one people come too for relationship advice. Yet I am the only one of my friends, excluding my friend Meg and Norma, who is single still.
I really don't mind that fact, in fact when I think back on it, the person person to give me relationship advice was Meg. We're so similar it's alarming, and she always has such a crude way to slap me back into reality.
I had asked someone out, and they had said "Yes". Well as I was anxiously awaiting our first date, they updated their relationship status on facebook to "In a relationship with " I was SO devastated. Talk about a kick in the shins!
I told Meg about it and she flares back at me and says "SEE?! This is why I don't date, dammit haven't you learned anything?"
It sounds harsh I know, but I prefer the raw truth than pretty chocolate covered words. She knows that better than anyone, and it brought me back to reality. I should have learned my lesson but apparently I hadn't. It took her harsh words to help me realize how stupid I was, and how much of an ass they were.
I really like how she can yank me back down, when I got floating off. It's one of the reasons we've continued to be friends for so very long. People like her are rare to find, and I must admit, I'd be stupid to give that up!
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