A Vacation Alone. Fun or Daunting.

As I sit here waiting for Hurricane Irene to hit, I think about how unusual this all is for NYC.  The last time I was worried about a hurricane I was in Mexico on vacation.

And then I started thinking about my love for travel, in general.  And then I was reminded of how I need to get my mojo all the way back in this regard.  I travel a lot, but almost always with someone.  When I was young(er) I took a vacation alone every year.   Whether I was in a relationship with a boy or not.  Whether I had girlfriends with free vacation time or not.  I always made sure that at least one of my trips away was by myself.  Whatever fancy struck me, that's where I went.

Me, in Marbella, Spain

Many of these vacations-by-myself were to a Caribbean beach because they're easy, but not always.  I took my first trip to Europe alone.  It was very exciting, and I felt very brave and pleased with myself.

So I don't know what happened.  I haven't traveled alone (except for business) in a long time.  Last year I spent a lovely weekend in upstate New York alone, but that doesn't really count because, well, it was just a weekend…and I had my dog with me…so I wasn't really alone.

I recall that I sometimes got lonely on these trips, but there were also times when I felt happy and free and unencumbered.  Somewhere along the way I lost something.  What, though?  The thought of a vacation-by-myself doesn't sound like that much fun right now.   I sometimes want to take a trip and don't have anyone to go with.  So I don't go.  I need to stop that.  I want to get back to running off on a whim to wherever I feel like going.  By myself.

Do you vacation alone?  To where?  What "vacationing alone" tips can you share?


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What Inspires Me? Right Now, A Contest.

This is a bit of a different kind of post.  AOL is running a promotion with Jeep® as part of its Life is Legendary (www.jeeplegendarylife.aol.com/) campaign, saluting single women who are living inspired lives and embracing their freedom, achievements, and the journey.   The topic is What Inspires Me.


One of the things that inspire me is travel.  If I ever go broke, it won't be because I've bought too much stuff; it'll be because I wandered too far too many times.   There are few things I enjoy more than traveling.   I often think that's the real reason I work every day; so I can fund my next trip.   I want to go everywhere.  And I pretty much can, because I don't have to use my money on braces for the daughter I don't have or a business start-up for the husband I don't have.

Last year was a great travel year for me.  I went to London…just for the weekend in the fall.  Paris in May.   Martha's Vineyard, Morocco and the southern coast of Spain in August.   Paris and Martha's Vineyard were planned.   Morocco, Spain and London were more opportunistic; someone said "come" and I said "yes, indeed".  So Spinsterlicious, right?

I’ve traveled throughout the U.S. to major cities and small towns, plus Argentina, Brazil, China, Costa Rica, England, France, Hungary, Indonesia, Ireland, South Africa, Switzerland, Tanzania and United Arab Emirates.   Seeing the lives of others and experiencing their cultures, even though just briefly, is such a great experience for me.

Travel is eye-opening and mind-expanding.   It reminds me that there is rarely ever only one way to do something, or a single right answer to any question…and to always consider another point-of-view.

But there's no place like home, either.  I'm always thinking of packing my bags for my next adventure AND I'm always happy to plant my feet back on the soil of the good old U.S. of A.

I think part of what makes for a legendary life --a Spinsterlicious life--  is having the ability to stoke your passions. Mine is traveling.  What turns you on?

The  AOL/Jeep(r) sweepstakes has a Grand Prize of $4500, and a random weekly rewarding of a $50 gift card.  If you want to participate, here's what you'll need to do:

-Visit the AOL/Jeep microsite  (www.jeeplegendarylife.aol.com/).   It is a custom destination that allows you to develop an online Inspiration Board that chronicles things that represent you and who/what you aspire to become.  If you want, you can share it with your friends on Facebook (but you don't have to).

- I made  my Inspiration Board from pictures from my travels (Click "my Inspiration Board" in this sentence to see it). You can use your own photos or those that are provided on the site.

-Have fun with it!   Or skip it.  Totally up to you!  :-)





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Three Spinsters in Idaho

I am spending a glorious, long Memorial Day weekend on a beautiful ranch in New Meadows, Idaho...which, on a map, looks like it's truly in the middle of nowhere.


After flying into Boise, it's a 3-hour drive through mountains, along lakes, white rapids, and winding roads.


Vita, my traveling companion and fellow Spinster, wondered if Lin --our host-- had lost his mind. WTF was he doing way out here? And then, we pulled onto the property ( he has 108 acres), we quickly answered our own question. It is magnificent!


Here's the view from the dining room window.


And the dogs.


And one of the horses.


We spent the weekend, eating, talking, drinking wine, lazing around, walking the ranch, feeding the horses, and watching elk at night. We drove into town, McCall, to visit a hat maker (Lin has dozens of cowboy hats)...


...and for dinner with friends at The Shore Lodge.


It even snowed one day! Yep. Snow in what is almost summer!


Lin has made quite a nice life for himself here. Vita, Lin, and I used to work together at an ad agency in NYC. Then Lin sold his fancy Upper East Side apartment and traded in his city life for that of a cowboy out west. Lin is a male Spinster. In other words, a Bachelor. (Notice that an unmarried man is a Bachelor if he's 25 or if he's 55). He's had an array of belles on his arm and even a fiance, but he never married. I think that could change soon, though. It seems that the folks out here are all determined to hook him up. A well-financed, straight, single, man-of-certain-age is like a prize out here. Everywhere, really. So the next time Vita and I venture out here ( and there will definitely be a next time), I wonder if the Three Spinsters in Idaho will be minus one. (Vita and I don't have people clamoring to hook us up. I'm just sayin'.) Lin is making oyster stew for us now, and preparing for a dinner party later this evening. What a fantastic trip this has been. Spinsterlicious, indeed!,

Location:New Meadows, Idaho

There is No Debate

What does Charlee-- marketing communications whiz and long-time friend-- think of all this single vs. married talk?  Well...I'll let her tell you:

In Charlee's words:

Ok, I understand it.  I have often indulged in it.  I've probably heard every angle and

argument for both sides of the issue.  So it should be no surprise when I say that I am officially tired of the debate -- "Which is better, being married or single"?

The truth is that there are wonderful things about both...and downright messed up things as well.  Yet, single women want to be married, while married women mourn their days of single freedom.  Married women are accused by singles of being boring, insecure, or lost inside their husbands' or children's lives.   Single women are often characterized as man-stealing, desperate, and unfulfilled by their married counterparts.  So here's my question:  Why must we always pine for "the other side of the fence", or conversely, hate on those who occupy the terrain over there?

I grew up with three sisters, nine aunts, and a bunch of great friends.  Some married, some single.   Some were happy, some not.  I belong to a woman's social organization, am active at my church, and have a young adult daughter whose friends are constantly seeking advice from a "woman of a certain age".  Trust me, the discussion rages across all ages and walks of life --"Which is better..."?

I've spent a lifetime bonding with these various sisterhoods and we've shared (and

continue to share) many stories of love and betrayal.  And throughout these discourses what strikes me most is our honesty and boldness, our ability to make each other laugh when any one feels down, and our unhesitating willingness to impart strength when it is most needed.

If we can do this for each other, why can't we do it for ourselves?  Instead, we spend hours longing for what we don't have.  Hours not necessarily wasted, but perhaps misappropriated.  I say not necessarily waster because through it all, here is what I have come to know.  We each are unique individuals who possess the power to choose what

focus our life energies on.  Instead of bemoaning what could-have-would-have-should-have-didn’t-or-never will-happen, we have the ability to embrace the beauty and wonder of what is. We are who we are, right now. We can thoroughly enjoy this moment, this experience, and this journey.  And we can be at peace with it all—simply by choosing to.  When we truly embrace who we are, there is no debate.

Well, what do you think?  What's the debate really about...that is, if there is a debate!  Is there a debate?

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To Sex -or- Not To Sex?

As I’m writing this, I’m a little amused that my girlfriends and I are still discussing when to have sex with a new guy. But the other night, I had a long conversation with a good friend who was near tears because the man she slept with a couple of weeks ago has not called since. Yep, at this age we’re still having this conversation.

I have this conversation quite a bit and for some reason, I’m usually the one giving the advice. I say “for some reason,” but I actually know the reason: I’ve been single all my life, am good at dating, and I feel like I’ve got this aspect of dating all figured out. There are other parts of dating life that I don’t always get—like the way men want you to need them but don’t want you to be needy—but this one I do. So I’m going to take this opportunity to share with the many single women out there what I know about how to make the decision to roll around naked with the New Guy for the first time.

That’s right. A decision tree, for this not-usually-rational decision. When you have to make an important decision at work, you generally think about it ahead of time and seriously weigh the different outcomes. You don’t decide at the last minute. This decision should be no different.

Here’s a scenario. You’re at a bar/party/conference/car wash/restaurant…wherever. You and “Scott” strike up a conversation and seem to hit it off. There’s lots of laughing, flirting, and witty conversation. At some point it becomes clear to both of you that you may want to dial things up a bit, either right now or very soon.

The “sex too soon” thing is something that only women grapple with. I’ve never heard a guy wonder how “when to have sex” will impact the relationship-that-is-yet-to-be. But the world’s not fair—we already know that. Follow my advice, though, and it should help you avoid getting your feelings hurt.

The thought process is not a straight line, though. It’s more of a schematic. So pay attention, and be honest with yourself.

The first thing to ask yourself is: “What do I want from this guy?” (Caution: if you’re feeling really lonely, you probably should skip this exercise completely. Sex-because-you’re-lonely will probably make you feel even lonelier afterwards).

Once you decide what you want, you can decide your next course of action. 

This is by no means foolproof. But I think it’s a pretty reasonable facsimile of the way things shake out much of the time. Go ahead and do your thing . . . and let me know if it works for you.

---


This and other fun posts are also available at  Women's Voices for Change

NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  Don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

Dressing for Air Travel Without Losing Your Mind (Or Getting Arrested)

Unless you’ve been living in a cave lately, you’re probably aware of the uproar around the new screening procedures at U.S. airports.  Thanks to the ever-growing threat of would-be terrorists hiding bombs in their clothing, the TSA continues to intensify security procedures for anybody who wants to get on a plane.

This is the most personal it’s gotten so far:  we now have the choice of being felt up or posing for a semi-pornographic pic.  I exaggerate, but that’s the kind of language used by the people who protest these procedures.  I actually don’t think it’s that bad… but then, I’ve been accused of having mildly exhibitionist tendencies.

So in short, here’s the deal.  Basics: shoes, scarves, jackets, sweaters and other outerwear off.  Sometimes watches and jewelry, but not always, which is annoying—you won’t know if this particular watch will cause a beep at this particular airport until you try it.  (Or you could just take it off.)  The next steps are different at every airport, which I suppose could be a good thing, because it makes it harder for the bad guys to figure out the system.  (I travel a lot and it’s certainly confusing the hell out of me).

Last week I was at O’Hare.  It seemed we had the choice of the regular screening machine or the enhanced one that makes you look almost naked.  I say “choice,” but I don’t really think it was up to us.   In addition, some lucky folks—they say it’s random—also had the opportunity for an enhanced pat-down.  I had one of those a month or two ago, before I saw any of the news reports about these new dialed-up procedures.  It startled me a bit, but not in a bad way.  I thought the security chick was getting a little too familiar; she lightly ran her hands between my breasts, brushed against my butt and even quickly between my legs (or so it seemed).  It was almost funny.  Anyway, she was friendly and very professional, but I didn’t quite know what to make of it.  For a split second it almost felt kinda nice, too, like a bad, clumsy first date.

If you’re planning to join the millions of folks who are traveling this holiday season, there are a few things you can do in dressing that will make it less painful.  These tips won’t make the plane take off on time, but they might get you through the security check faster.

You’ll want to plan your travel outfit carefully.  In general, the simpler (and lighter weight), the better.  The goal is to be the kind of traveler you wouldn’t mind being behind in the security line.

Clothing
With these new procedures, I prefer clothing without a waistband, so I tend toward dresses more so than skirts or pants.  For the pat-down, the fewer hiding places, the better.  I prefer jersey knit dresses because they travel well: they don’t wrinkle and they look good, skimming the body “just so.”  And Mr./Ms. TSA  won’t have to dig around to see if you’ve got any contraband tucked in the waist.

I like leggings for traveling, but it matters what you wear with them.  I usually choose a T-shirt and long cardigan (which has to come off).   If you choose a tunic, it should be simple (see dress recommendations above).

If you opt for pants or a skirt, choose one that doesn’t need a belt—it’s just one more thing to remove, slowing things down.

Footwear
In summer I favor flip-flops, but at this time of year I usually choose slip-ons: pumps, loafers, or ballerina flats.  Boots with zippers are also fine, but this is not the time to go trotting out the lace-up thigh-highs.  (Pack them if you think you’ll need them).  Avoid any shoe that has to be tied.  Pull-on boots are a no-no as well—you may think they’re easy, but in reality they take way too long.

Legwear
For me, it’s barefoot or tights—I just don’t like socks. But I can’t think of a good reason you shouldn’t wear them, so go ahead if you must.

Undergarments
I always wear underwire bras and they rarely set off the alarm, but I know a lot of women who say that theirs do.  If this has happened to you, maybe wear a bra without underwire. Do wear a bra though; no matter how much of a free spirit you are, you don’t want to make it that much fun for the guys behind the body scanner.

In my opinion, women should always wear cute underwear, but it’s especially important if you’re going to get a body scan.  Some might think the exact opposite, arguing that we should wear something unattractive so the scanner-viewer won’t get any cheap thrills.  But then, we don’t really know what turns him or her on, so I say:  Wear something you’d be proud to be seen in!  Personally, I like lacy boy-cut shorts.  If you’re modest, you might want to avoid a thong.

Jewelry
Chunky, clunky jewelry gets packed or stays home.  I keep travel jewelry to a minimum, mostly because I’m afraid I’ll lose something.  (Wouldn’t you know it, I broke my own rule about two months ago and wore a beautiful bracelet I’d recently bought in Paris; it beeped, I had to go back through, I put it in a bin and sent it through the machine . . . and that’s where I left it.  Didn’t remember until I was on the plane.) 

Next Steps
At the airport, you’ll probably have at least some choice of security lines; pick the one that looks the least complicated.  Obviously, you’ll want to avoid getting behind the family with two-year-old triplets in strollers.  Teenagers, with their headphones, electronics, and sullen attitudes should also be avoided (here, and in life in general, is my philosophy).  Ideal: businessmen and -women; they do this all the time and know how to get through it quickly.  I’ve found that older travelers—say, in their 80s—aren’t bad, either; their clothing and travel gear are often straightforward and uncomplicated.

Now that you’ve worked your way through security, the next annoyance is deciding what to do about food . . . but that’s another article for another time. Happy travels and happy holidays!


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The Airport Meet/Meat Market?

I've been traveling a lot for business lately and I'm spending way too much time in airports.  It seems that flights these days rarely take off when they're supposed to.  Much of my travel is between NYC and Chicago, two super-busy travel hubs and I've learned to just assume there's going to be a big delay.  

Most days,  I make my way to the Airline Lounge because it makes being delayed a little less painful.  The Lounges are more pleasant surroundings, there's decent food and drink available and even free coffee and cookies!  They're spacious with a number of seating options, from living room-like arrangements to cafe tables to workstations. And no lines at the restrooms.  They're certainly a much more pleasant place to bide one's time than sitting at the gate. 

And you know what else?  They're full of men.  I hadn't thought about this until a friend mentioned it to me, because I'm usually too busy pouting that I can't get to where I'm going to even notice.  But once I did notice, I wondered if I could use some of this "forced free time" to scout the fellas.  Why not?  If he's in the Lounge he probably has a job so that's a pretty good first step.

So the other day, instead of sitting at a workstation answering emails and being annoyed that I was stuck in an airport, I sat at the bar.  I ordered a salad and a glass of wine and was soon chatting with the guy who sat down next to me.  Turns out we were both waiting for the same flight so we killed the time with another glass of wine (this time, on him).  He was an entertainment lawyer and we wasted a little time laughing about pop culture and some of his clients and celebrities-for-no-reason that we see and read so much about.  He was well-informed, funny ...and married.  That's ok.  He was a great companion for two hours and made the delay a lot more tolerable.   

So I think that'll be my new modus operandi when I'm stranded in an airport.  Sharing a drink at the bar with a gentleman certainly beats pouting over my computer by myself.  Thanks American Airlines!

NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please (re)subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  (It's a new service; if you registered earlier, you'll have to do it again.  Sorry...and Thanks)

Travel Feeds My Soul

There are few things I enjoy more than traveling.  That might be the reason I go to work every day; so I can fund my next trip.  I want to go everywhere.  Last weekend I went to London...just for the weekend!   So cool and so fun.

I got in at 7a Saturday morning.  The Boy met me at the airport.  We had brunch at a diner in South Kensington, took a stroll through beautiful Hyde Park, and discovered an interesting neighborhood called Shepherd's Market.  I slept through what-I'm-told was a cute movie with Gerard Depardieu (jet lag finally kicked in), but was very much awake for a fun dinner at a pub called The Only Running Footman. Weird name.  It had the feel of a "typical" English pub but with much better food.  Sunday it poured rain but for some reason I didn't mind too much.  We had a lazy start, this time working our way through Holland Park before some light shopping in Mayfair and another great meal. (Seems like all I do is eat).  A 6:30p flight back to NYC got me home in time for my usual bedtime.  I was exhausted...but so satisfied.

This was my third trip to Europe this year.  I went to Paris in May and the southern coast of Spain in August.  Only the Paris trip was really planned.  Spain and London were more opportunistic (meaning someone said "come" and I said "yes, indeed").  So Spinsterlicious, right?

I’ve traveled throughout the U.S. to major cities and small towns, plus Argentina, Brazil, China, Costa Rica, England, France, Hungary, Indonesia, Ireland, Morrocco, Spain, South Africa, Switzerland, and United Arab Emirates.   Last year this time I was on safari in Tanzania.   Seeing the lives of others and experiencing their cultures, even though just briefly, is such a great experience. 

But there's no place like home, either.  I'm always thinking of packing my bags for my next adventure AND I'm always happy to plant my feet back on the soil of the good old U.S. of A.  

I think part of what makes for a great life --a Spinsterlicious life--  is having the ability to stoke your passions. Mine is traveling. What turns you on?