A Bountiful 2011

Thanksgiving's coming.  It's my very favorite holiday.  I start calorie counting on November 1 just to make room for all the goodness I'm going to absorb at Thanksgiving dinner and the week of leftovers. Yum!

This year I'm hosting a very Spinsterlicious holiday that will begin on Wednesday evening and last through the weekend with my sister and a few fabulous girlfriends. I'm looking very forward to it.

2011 was a good year.  Here's a few of the many things I'm thankful for:

• Another good year with Danny, the world's cutest dog.

• Fresh Direct, my Thanksgiving partner, who makes it all possible (well, much of it).  Once I discovered them a few years ago, I've been hosting Thanksgiving dinner ever since.  They deliver a delicious, full Thanksgiving dinner.  All I gotta do is warm it up!  And my house smells amazing...like I've been cooking all day.

• My friends.  They're great.  Good people.  Always there for me.  And they make me laugh.  

• Oprah's Life Class.  At first it seemed corny to me, but I really like it and it always makes me think. 

• Being let go from a job I didn't like.  It's such a relief not to have to go somewhere every single day that I didn't want to be.  This gave me the freedom to remember what I really should be doing, which is to be self employed...doing my own thing.  I had my own consumer research and strategy firm for 13 years, but put it on pause when the economy got weird.  I re-opened Golden Door Consulting and now get to revel in what I love most  (no boss, choosing projects I enjoy,  getting up when I feel like it, going to bed when I feel like it, having clients who respect my voice, the freedom to make my own hours…).  It's good.

• Another year of good health.  I do not take this for granted.

• Kale.  My latest go-to food.  There's rarely a time when I don't have something kale-y in my refrigerator:  braised kale, kale salad, sautéed kale and white beans, kale and chicken soup…  

• Great vacation trips to Charleston, SC; Washington, DC; New Meadows, Idaho; Martha's Vineyard, MA.  For the first time in 15 years, I didn't leave the country for vacation.  I stayed closer to home so I could focus my time (really my $$) on my business. But next year...

• A couple of short-term, harmless, fun relationships with guys I liked enough to spend a little time with, but not a lot.  Worked out just fine.

• My "The Spinsterlicious Life" blog and all 58,000+ readers (and, especially you!)  This blog is way more interesting and fun than I ever thought it would be.  I've learned a lot and "met" some pretty interesting people…people I'd probably never have had the opportunity to come across without it.

• And tied to this, the great response to The Spinsterlicious Life Shop  where I sell Spinsterlicious gear to like-minded women.  The t-shirts, mug, and canvas bag have been popular and remind me of the virtual feeling of sisterhood among women who are single and making it work (or at least trying to).  

Another great year.  And you?  What are you thankful for this year?


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What To Do About "Him" at Thanksgiving?

I love Thanksgiving.  It’s my favorite holiday.  It’s a kick-off to the holiday season (Halloween doesn’t count), and the best holiday, as far as I’m concerned.  Everyone celebrates it and there aren’t a lot of rules: eat well, enjoy each other’s company, pack up some leftovers. But if you’re single-and-dating, Thanksgiving may also be the kick-off to a “what are we doing” conversation.

If you’re a married woman, you have Thanksgiving dinner with your husband. It might be somewhere you’re excited to be, it might be somewhere you’re not excited to be, but wherever it is, you’re there with your husband.  If you’re single-and-dating, a conversation often has to be had: "Where are you having Thanksgiving dinner? Are we having it together?"

This conversation can get complicated. And it can also make a statement about the status of the relationship.

If the relationship is seriously serious, you’re having Thanksgiving dinner together. ‘Where’ is another discussion, but you’ll be together. (If you think y’all are serious and you’re not celebrating this holiday dinner together, somebody’d better have a really good excuse, like… well, actually I can’t think of one).

If you’re dating, not-celebrating-Thanksgiving-together makes a statement.  It can say, “I really dig you, but I’m not ready to bring you into the group.”  Maybe.  It might not mean anything much at all.  It could also mean we can’t both afford to travel to ‘X’ place, so I’ll call you when I get there.  It could mean “My family won’t forgive me if I don’t come,” and you’re both saying that.  But it often really does mean—spoken or not—“We’re not that serious, we’re just having fun.”

When it’s a new relationship, I vote for separate holidays.  There’s too much going on: family, friends, stress, “who is this,” etc.  Just call each other that morning and again after dinner and say something sweet.

I guess I’m a slow learner, because I’ve made this mistake more than once.  A time that stands out to me:  I agreed to spend Thanksgiving with a guy I hadn’t been dating for very long, and it didn’t go so well. Too forced a situation for a new relationship.  I acted like a real ass...but and that was not my plan. I’d known him only a few weeks; he asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving, we were on a fun date, and it made sense to invite him to join me and my friends.

But early in the Thanksgiving week, I got an inkling that I might not want to spend Thanksgiving with him after all. I was getting to know him better and decided I didn’t like him as much as I thought. He was way too aggressive all the time, and I found it tiring. But I couldn’t think of a way to un-invite him two days before the big day. Plus, I figured it would be easier in a group.

In the car on the way to dinner, I knew this was a mistake.  I didn’t like him at all.  So what did I do?  I introduced him to everybody when we got there…and pretty much ignored him for the rest of the day. I always made sure he was somehow engaged; there were a lot of people there, so there was always someone for him to talk to.  Just not me. I know that wasn’t very nice, but I just didn’t know what else to do.  Needless to say, that was our last date (though he was, oddly, willing to keep giving it a try). Now, if the guy and I aren’t at least kinda serious, we go our separate ways.  Post-Thanksgiving turkey together is just fine.

So…I say Thanksgiving is for real couples, and can also work if you just like each other a lot.  If it’s new, wait until next year. If you’re still together, then go for it.

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Thankful

I'm hosting Thanksgiving Dinner this year.  Here in my tiny NYC apartment several friends will gather at around 4p to feast, drink, laugh, and be thankful.   I'm doing the dinner the best way I know how: A Fresh Direct Thanksgiving!   Yay!!   Fresh Direct prepares and delivers an entire Thanksgiving dinner to your door!  That's right: veggies, cranberry sauce, stuffing, gravy, rolls, dessert and a mostly-cooked turkey.  The turkey has to be cooked for maybe 2 hours; everything else just needs heating up. It's all the joys of a delicious, delightful Thanksgiving dinner with about 1/4 of the work.  It's a beautiful thing.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Good food, good people, good times. Everybody celebrates it and there's nothing not to like. (Even if the original Thanksgiving story is a little suspect, we ignore it).  So, while I'm doing little things around the house to prepare for my guests, here's a few things that I'm extremely thankful for (in no particular order):

-Turkey wings, my favorite part

-My life, in general. It's fantastic, I'm much appreciative and do not take my good fortune for granted

-My sister, Phyllis (and Danny's auntie) who's one of my best friends.  The rest of my family and the good relationships we have.  I know everybody cannot say that and I'm glad that I can

-Flavored coffee

-My friends. I'm so fortunate to have such a great circle of friends who are fun, smart, and good people.  I don't dare try to list them, though, because I'm sipping on the dinner wine (gotta make sure it's right) and if I forget someone...uh-oh. But they know who they are.

-My job (and the folks) at Taylor PR. I'm new there but I kinda dig the place.

-Gummy bears, Dots, and Swedish Fish

-The Boy

-My health. It's super good, especially for an old-ish broad.

-A relatively warm November

-My shoe collection.

-My financial health. It's good.  It hasn't always been, but I'm liking the way things are looking.

-Danny, the world's cutest dog

-DVR


Happy Thanksgiving to all.  I'd love to know at least one thing you're thankful for this year.  Tell me...