The Spinsterlicious Life; my musings about the realities and joys of being single, child-free, and not mad about it. Here’s how this whole thing got started. I ran into a woman I knew from years ago at a party and before I could answer “How are you doing”, she asked me “Are you married, yet”? I’m asked this a lot and I feel I always have to have a quip ready: one that seems lighthearted but hopefully also conveys that I think it’s a bizarre question. There’s nothing wrong with asking if I’m married, but the “yet” implies that this is something I must do.
But I never really thought so.
But I never really thought so.
I am a heterosexual woman, I live in New York City, I love dating…and I date a lot. I have an awesome life: a successful career as the owner of a marketing consultancy --Golden Door Consulting-- with a great income that allows me to afford a second home in the Hamptons, an active social life, and vacations around the world. I have great relationships with my family and a fabulous circle of good friends. I support charitable organizations with my money and time, and adore my 11-year-old Yorkie, Danny. Despite all this goodness, there are many who look at my statistics and feel sorry for me.
What struck me about that recent encounter is that the “Are you married, yet” chick is going through her third divorce. And she’s looking at me all crazy.
Marriage and kids were never really in my plans. Not everybody gets that., though. Admitting this in a social setting can really slow down a conversation. Most women want a husband and children so there’s obviously something wrong with the woman who doesn’t...right?
Did you know that the number of unmarried adults in the US rose from 28% in 1970 -to- 47% in 2010? That’s right…almost half of U.S. adults are single. And if we focus on the Never Married, that description fits 23% of white women in the U.S. in 2009, and 45% of black women. That's a lot of people; so it's really not that uncommon.
Even more interesting (to me, anyway), is that more women than ever are choosing not to have children. Thirty years ago, only 20% of women in their early 40s had no children; that number has now doubled. It's interesting because it seems there's the belief that if you have a uterus, you should use it. but more and more women have been saying “not really”.
Obviously, I am not the only Spinster out there. I know --and I know you know-- lots of fabulous women who are not wives or mothers. In fact, there’s a whole world of similarly-situated women out there who just want to be acknowledged as the smart, attractive, fascnating people they are.
This blog is for them, and any grown woman who hasn’t married or procreated…maybe for the time being, maybe forever AND the people who look askance at her.
Everybody needs to lighten up.
Being single without children is not the norm – yet— but there’s a lot that’s really good about being single, free, and unencumbered.
So, I'll be blogging about that...and all kinds of other things that might cross my mind. I'm hoping you'll join me in the conversation: your thoughts, your reactions, your own experiences.
Everybody needs to lighten up.
Being single without children is not the norm – yet— but there’s a lot that’s really good about being single, free, and unencumbered.
So, I'll be blogging about that...and all kinds of other things that might cross my mind. I'm hoping you'll join me in the conversation: your thoughts, your reactions, your own experiences.
Postscript: Check out Ad Age's article on this very topic: http://adage.com/article?article_id=146376
[I didn't make those numbers up: Statistics Source: The US Census]
9 comments:
e -- it's about time somebody said all this out loud. I think it's brave of you to take the leap, but it won't be in 5-10 years -- when the realization that so many of us are single finally dawns on marketers and culturists. Then, you'll be known as "Cutting Edge Spinsterlicious". Best to you. lh.
Thanks for sharing - your blog is inspiring to those of us who have family and friends panicking about our single status. Agree with comment above that this discussion is going to explode in a few years - once people realize that remaining unmarried is actually a choice made by smart, attractive, well-liked and well adjusted women.a
I'm hooked already! I love the tone, the emotion and the facts. There is nothing cooler/sexier/more awesome than a woman who loves the life she lives -- whether she one or many lovers isn't the issue. I can't wait to read more.
First know that your an awesome woman that stands on two very steady independent feet...confident your not going to fall u unlike most people don't need the assurance that somebody has signed on to catch u in the unlikely circumstance that huge wind has come to blow...I know all to well the restrictions of long commitment it feels like you have to give away a part of you and who regardless of good intention could be worth that... I suppose i'm glad I never asked to marry you...I had no idea that I would have been rejected on principal and not merit...you are well worth loving
uh oh. Really neat comment above, and Madam isn't anywhere about to read it. Once she appears, she must check out today's Ad Age on the topic, and I'd link it but the site is down at the moment. lh
This is great!
What I often get is the "why" after I say no to their list of relationship/ children questions. I don't think I've ever asked a married or child rearing person to explain the reason that they chose that route.
Many thanks for all your comments (especially you, lh, for the Ad Age "heads up").
It inspires me to know this isn't "all in my head", and I'm going to love having a space to share and engage with like-minded friends. This is very cool.
@Mau: the "why" question boggles my mind. Interestingly, if we ask them about their choices (marriage, kids), we somehow sound hostile. We gotta fix that
This is great! I am 40, never married, was never really interested in having kids. My nieces and nephew are enough for me, I like having them to encourage and inspire but I like that they don't live with me 24/7. I like my freedom. I have my house, my convertible, my money to do what I want, without having to worry about calling someone and explain that I'm going to the mall and will be home in an hour.
It NEVER ceases to amaze me that people find it confusing that I'm single and didn't bare any children. Being Hispanic, that is just baffling to most of my extended family and friends. Yet most are divorced at least once and have struggled because of their focus on finding the next Mr./Mrs. Right.
Keep up the good work. I'll be checking in regularly for the good chuckle.
a
This is SO completely awesome! So excited. You're absolutely fabulous and a great writer ... can't wait for more!
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