Following is an exchange I had with a Spinsterlicious fan today. I'm curious to know what y'all think:
I have to visit my hometown this weekend and I’m only in town for a brief time. I usually try to cram in catching up with as many of my family and friends as possible, particularly since I do not go home very often. I asked one of my best friends if he had time for me Friday evening. I’m already somewhat annoyed that we can’t hook up until 9:15pm because he has caipoeira class that evening which, by the way, I think he should skip since I’m only in town twice a year, but on top of that, he wants to bring his girlfriend. She probably won’t last until the end of the year and now I have to make small talk with this chick. I really do not want to spend my precious little time with my friend trying to keep the conversation PG because his girl is there.
Am I wrong for not wanting to hang out with her and seriously thinking about bumping him off the schedule for another friend?
Here's my response:
I totally feel you. I would like to say that you should just suck it up and get together with him and his girlfriend, especially since he's such a good friend. However, that's the grown-up me talking. The real me says "blow them off"...but you can't tell him why. Life's too short to be spending an evening with somebody you don't feel like being bothered with who is not going to be a significant person in your life. Catch him next time.
Part of me wishes that I'd said something like "oh, you should be bigger than that. Get together with them both and try to make a fun evening of it"...but I would have been insincere because it's probably not what I would have done. What would you have done?
NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom. You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog. Don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!
13 comments:
I don't know what "caipoeira" is. However, it is a very impressive word with 6 vowels and only 3 consonants so it does sound very important. Did he prepay for classes? Is he going to visit the Isle of Caipoeira soon and does he need to know the mother tongue?
I've traveled hundreds of miles to visit friends at great expense only to hear upon arrival, "We have to have breakfast with (the town slut)Stacey and I have a late meeting tonight, and tomorrow we'll all go out with boyfriend...." blah blah blah. When friends can't fit you into their hectic schedule then I think they are trying to tell you something.
I say blow them off, catch a movie, wash your hair. Trying to rendezvous with a former bff and his gal-du-jour sounds like too much work with not enough pay-off.
And that is the grown-up in me talking.
I think I'm with Cham on this one. Your friend knows that you have things to say that you don't want to have to explain to the girlfriend unless she turns out to be a very serious girlfriend. So it seems like he's choosing a lot of other stuff over seeing you. Therefore, I'd choose something else over seeing him.
This would not apply if it were genuinely pressing stuff he needed to do that night, though.
Assuming you do have other friends I think you should plan to spend time with them instead of trying to pressure your friend into rearranging HIS life because you blow into town. In case you all missed it while you were doing all this growing up, friendship is a two-way street and shame on all you wannabe princesses.
I'd go and see him at his caipoeira class- it's dead impressive. I see no reason why you would want his girlfriend along. None. He should know this.
Josie x
I'm a pushover and would end up just tolerating the GF while secretly being annoyed the entire time. But then again, I at least ask my friends first whether it's OK to invite other people or whether they want one-on-one time. So props to you for saying what's on your mind and not what you "should" say.
Count me in for being too busy to see him, and the girlfriend. It's becoming too complicated. Catch him another time.
Agreed. Life is too short. Spend time with someone else where you can really be yourself. Catch up with your friend on FB. -SG
I fall in the middle. I'd tell him,look, I'd just like to spend some time with YOU for a while. If he balks, then blow him off.
I agree with April. If he's a really good friend, tell him you only get to see him twice a year and you want to catch up with him without the girl. If he must bring the girl I'd find something better to do. But don't be a beyatch about it.
I TOTALLY agree with the real you. Life is too short--see him next time.
So, reading this months later, I'm curious as to what happened? Did she meet with him or not? Did he bring the gf? I partially feel that, you can't blame him for moving on with his life and not having time for her. But I also get that if you aren't in the same town, and I know you're coming. If I really care, I'll rearrange my schedule somehow. I'm somewhat in the middle. Sorry.
@Ms Luoita: Update: They ended up not getting together that night. And he and the GF have since broken up. His friendship with my friend is still solid.
Assuming you are a woman the bottom line here is that your man friend has a GF now, so he doesn't really need to be meeting up with you. Perhaps you don't fancy him at all, but he sure as hell does, or at least did, until he met someone more interesting. I am yet to hear of a man who, having a female friend, would reject her amorous advances if he 'put it on him'. You were on his 'benches' (football ref) and now you're not needed. I wish all the best to him and his GF and the further 'creepers' like you stay away from romantic relationships, the better! 'We're just friends' - PAH!
Post a Comment