The other day, I had a conversation with my friend, Stacy, about dating younger guys. She wanted to know “how young is too young”? That’s an interesting question. I think it depends on what you want from it.
If you just want sex and some momentary fun then I don’t think there is such thing as “too young”. Okay, I take that back; I’m not Mary Kay Letourneau and I’m not trying to go to jail. Re-stated: if you just want sex and some momentary fun, than I think any age over 18 is fine. Maybe 21…or whatever the legal age is in your state… just to be safe .
But it really has to just be sex and some momentary fun and that really should be all you want. A grown woman cannot have a real relationship with a man half her age…I don’t care what Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife says. (She, in her 40s, is engaged to a 19-year-old. Celebrities don’t count, though, because they’re already abnormal).
My rule, in general, has pretty much been 15 years on either end, i.e., 15 years older than me and 15 years younger, giving me a range of men with an age spread of 30 years. (Lots to pick from). But you know what: this rule has changed from time to time because it depends on how old I am. When I was just a young thing, I sometimes went out with guys much, much older: me, 26; him 60. (I know). I couldn’t have gone 15 years younger because I’d then be writing this from my prison cell.
Now the reverse is true. I’m still willing to go 15 years younger, but really only 5-8 years older. A man who’s more than 10 years older than me is kinda old. And I don’t apologize for that; guys are very open about preferring someone younger…and so am I! The guy I see now is 10 years younger than me and that feels about right.
So, back to Stacy’s question. If you want a serious relationship, really want him to be your man and you’re a woman-of-a-certain age, I think anybody more than 10 years younger than you are could be tricky. Y’all should at least both remember the original version of the same song; if you remember Diana Ross singing I’m Coming Out, and he only remembers Biggie and Puffy’s version that was sampled in Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems…then I think you could have a problem.
Here’s some things to think about. Even though he’s younger, he should be old enough to:
· Have some of the same cultural reference points without you always having to explain
· Have worked long enough to have a career, not just a job. You should not be taking care of his a$$
· Know that sneakers cannot be his primary footwear
· Understand that he can only go to the club every now and than…unless he’s a DJ
· Wear his pants with a belt
· Not tolerate regular motherly advice from you (“shouldn’t you be wearing a sweater, dear”). If you’re doing that, stop it and find someone old enough to know if he needs a sweater.
Dating younger men can make you feel young and put a definite bounce in your step (and let’s not forget the s-e-x), but be reasonable. If you want him to stick around for a long time, choose wisely: the image of him pushing you in your wheelchair just isn’t attractive.
Did I miss anything? How do you know if he’s too young?
5 comments:
Well El, I do believe you hit them all & I agree with you 100%. I never wanted to date anyone older, I've always dated younger, and now at the age of 47.. I know I don't want anyone older. ha! Can't wait to see what others have to say. :)
Alona
Hmmm, my range is he has to have been in high school with me:). I actually dated a guy who thought it was funny to make a joke about being in 6th grade when a song I loved in high school came on the radio. Not cute. I used to go up to 10 years older but now I'm finding that a challenge because guys 10 years older are in a different life stage than I am;). Sigh.
WELL Old Friend. I think you hit the nail on the head. One addition. If he says "you can teach me about that" more 3 times----he's too young!!!!
Stacy
@Anonymous: I think you can spread it out a little bit: had to have been in high school with you? Y'all are the same age. You can go younger...but also might want to embrace your "experience". He was in 6th grade while you were in high school. So what? Teasing can go both ways. Have some fun with it
My mother used to say, "I'd rather be an young man's sweetie than an old man's slave." Amen to that! I have a personal theory that much older men smell like canned vegetables (particularly corn) if you haven't known them for a while!
It works both ways.
I had a therapist who was married to a man 17 years her junior. They are among the most loving couples I know. Not only do they seem to be really in love with each other, they really LIKE each other.
On the other hand, I have a friend who was widowed and met a widower while volunteering in a hospice. They were just friends for a while, then they started seeing each other, then they lived together, then they got married. The big deal here? She was 49, he was 72. He was a grandfather, her children were in high school and college. He is so wonderful that all of us wanted to know if he had a brother - older or younger! They have been married for 17 years! They travel, they celebrate everything.,love each other and like each other.
Ditto another friend who married a man 10 years her junior. They had some bumpy times from the beginning, and have overcome some adversities that would send less dedicated couples running in opposite directions. No one would have blamed either of them. The stuck it out, worked it out, and loved it out. They have been married over 30 years now!
My ideal man could be a bit older, or a lot younger. As long as he still has a sense of awe about the world, and can laugh, he is welcome. There are old, loving souls in young bodies and older bodies.
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