Ten Reasons Why I Love Lucy

It's Women's History Month and so to celebrate, I'm paying homage to a woman I admire.

Lucille Ball was my favorite comedienne before I really even understood what a comedienne was. What I knew was that she was the pretty, funny lady who brought joy and laughter to my entire family every day. The I Love Lucy show was “appointment television” in my home long before that phrase was coined. Watching her as an adult, I have a new appreciation for how skilled she was at her craft. So, in honor of Women’s History Month, I’m choosing Lucille Ball as a woman to salute. Here’s why I like her:

·      Reason No. 10: She said, “Ability is of little account without opportunity.” And when the studios wouldn’t let her do her television show the way she wanted to, she created her own studio. Ball was the first woman to run a major television production studio, Desilu Productions.

·      Reason No. 9: She married what was considered then to be a younger man, long before it was in vogue. (She was six years older than Desi Arnaz.)

·      Reason No. 8: She finally tired of the cheating ways of her handsome hubby of 20 years, and left him.  Her subsequent marriage to Gary Morton was reportedly a union of equals (though Desi supposedly remained “the love of her life.”)

•   Reason No. 7:  Lucy reputedly required that her co-star Vivian Vance (who played Ethel Mertz) always be 20 pounds heavier than she was. It’s unclear whether this a written contract or more of a verbal agreement, but it is clear that Lucy understood her role as the star. This request/requirement may seem petty, but Lucy understood her brand and wasn’t going to allow any blurring of the lines.

• ·  Reason No. 6: She led by example with a number of “first woman” accomplishments (owning a production studio, in 1968 was the richest woman in television of her time, being part of the first interracial couple on TV.  When she wasn’t being treated the way she felt she deserved to be, she took things into her own hands. And yet she claimed not to be a fan of women’s lib:  “Women's lib? It doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts.” She was complicated. When I saw this quote from her, it reminded me of a line from Jay-Z’s very insightful book, Decoded:  “The real b.s. is when people act like they don’t have contradictions inside; they’re so dull and unimaginative that their minds never change or wander into strange, unexpected places.” Genius is complicated.

• ·      Reason No. 5: In a world–and industry—where blond hair was worshiped, she dyed hers red.  Standing out was better than fitting in.

·      Reason No. 4: I like her because sometimes her real life was like an I Love Lucy episode.  When she was a young woman she was fired from working at an ice cream store because she kept forgetting to put bananas in banana splits.

·      Reason No. 3: Like many über-talented people, she was a little nutty. Well, perhaps I should say eccentric.  Anyway, she wouldn’t allow any pictures of birds in her house or any hotel room she was staying in.

• ·      Reason No. 2: She worked steadily in Hollywood for 50 years. Not a lot of women can say that. Men, either, for that matter.

• ·      Reason No. 1:  I Love Lucy reruns still crack me up.

Here’s to you, you gorgeous redhead!

NOTE: My new book --The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree-- has been published and is available on Amazon.

 And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

Spinsterlicious, The Book! What's a Single Woman To Do?

I'm very excited to announce that my book --The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree-- is now available on Amazon!

To give you a little taste of what it's like, here's the first chapter, The Introduction:

So here's the deal.

I am a bit of a serial dater, so over the years many friends have encouraged me to chronicle some of my adventures in dating –-even though most of my relationships have been normal and uneventful.  Since those don’t make interesting stories, I don’t really talk about them. The best stories come from the more unconventional relationships and I have quite a few of those because I like playing there.  

My adventures in dating didn’t jumpstart my writing about my life, rather it was an encounter I had with a woman I hadn’t seen in a few years.   We bumped into each other at a party and before I could answer “How are you doing?”, she asked “Are you married, yet?”  A lot of people ask me that and I always feel I have to have a quip ready: one that seems lighthearted but hopefully also conveys that I think it’s a bizarre question.  I don’t mind being asked if I’m married, but the yet implies that getting married is something I must do.  But I never really thought so.  

Marriage was never in my plans and I’ve always thought that was fine.  Not everybody agrees, though.  When I’m talking to people –-usually women—and they learn I’ve never been married, some of them look at me with pity.  Others look blank, like they’re trying to hide their real reaction.  Still others look smug, which is particularly funny since many of them don’t know where their husbands are half the time, they can barely tolerate being in the same room as their spouse, or they haven’t had sex with each other in an eternity.  A woman in a genuinely happy marriage is rarely smug.  She knows that marriage has its ups-and-downs, that it can be a lot of work, and that she is fortunate that she and her husband have figured it out.  The genuinely happily married wife is not smug because she is smarter than that.  The smug ones are often working hard to keep a “secret”: they’re  not that happy.

Other women are supportive and encouraging:  “Don’t worry. He’s out there.  You just have to keep looking.”   Sometimes I just smile.  When I tell them that I never really wanted a husband, the conversation can get awkward.  They may be confused, which is understandable, since most people do want to get married.  Some become defensive, though, and those are the ones who amuse me the most.  It’s as if they think that my decision somehow reflects negatively on them and the choice they made.  It doesn’t.  So I wrote my first essay about my choice not to be a wife or mother.  The dating stories came later.

My choosing not to have kids can also slow down a conversation, and gets a similar reaction: most people want children so there’s obviously something wrong with the woman who doesn’t.  But is there?

Here’s a story I love.  One day, AJ, the son of my friend Lorraine, asked his parents “Is Auntie Eleanore a grown-up?”  What I heard was “She’s so youthful, she couldn’t be as old as you two are!”   But what he meant was something different:  “…because she doesn’t have a husband or any children”.   Even at four years old, he understood that I hadn’t done what I was supposed to do.  (Sigh).

Fast forward a few years.  The New York Times¹ recently ran an article that talked about the five traditional milestones for adulthood: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying, and having a child!  What!?  This means I’m stuck at stage three.  Clearly, AJ isn’t the only one who doesn’t think I’m a grown-up.  

It could be worse. I came across a New York Times article from 1918 called “The Third Sex”² that questions whether women who “lack home impulses”  (meaning women like me) are real women.  So women have come a long way …I think. 

Anyway, even though I haven’t done what I’m supposed to do (marry, give birth), I’m quite pleased with the way my life has turned out.  The growing number of women in the United States who don’t have a husband or a child made me decide to share why this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  In fact, it can be quite good. 

_______________

 1 Robin Marantz Henig, “What Is It about Twenty-Something,” New York Times Magazine, August 22, 2010. 

² William G. Gregg, “The Third Sex,” New York Times, September 15, 1918.

So...that's how this whole book-thing got started.  Of course, I want to know what you think.  And, of course, I'd love for you to make your way over to Amazon to pick up a copy...if you're interested.





NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop.  Lots of goodies there.  They make a statement... and a great gift! 


 And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

The New Single Girl?

Minted is a new online magazine that empowers women in their careers and lives.

They're running an article in the Spring issue on The New Single Girl featuring ME!  (Click here, to read it; you'll have to scroll over to page 58).

After reading it, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  Please come back to The Spinsterlicious Life and let us know what you think.



NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop. They make a statement... and a great gift! 


 And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

The High Status of Being a Divorcee

Many years ago I worked with a woman who was a Spinster.  She seemed to have quite an interesting life, with lots of romances and the jewelry to prove it.  I wouldn't have done it quite the way she did because in most cases she was an "important" man's mistress and that's not my thing.  Still, she had lots of great stories and it seemed to work for her.  

Or at least I thought it did.  One day while listening to one of her many stories, she gave me a bit of advice that I found startling.  She told me that I should "just find someone...anyone, and marry him".  It didn't really matter if I loved him or even stayed with him for very long.  In fact, staying was beside the point.  In her view, being divorced gives a woman a higher status in society than never having been married.

In her immortal words:  It's better to be a has-been than a never-was!  I love this line.  And while I don't agree with it, I think most people probably do.  I know divorced women who hasten to correct anyone who describes them as single.  For them, it's really important for people to know that they were once married...that someone wanted them, at least once.  


I recall having been at a dinner party with some people I hadn't seen in years.  It was surprising, then amusing, to me that my never-been-married "plight" was quite the topic of conversation, but not that of the "three-time divorcee" who sat next to me.  She was congratulated for knowing how to get a man...even though she couldn't keep one.  What seemed bizarre to me (that is, being married and divorced three times) seemed perfectly acceptable, normal even, to everybody else.


What do y'all think?  Is is better to be a has-been than a never-was?  




NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop. They make a statement... and a great gift! 




 And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Got

Actually, this story I'm about to tell is probably not about the best relationship advice I've ever gotten, but it is certainly about my favorite relationship advice.  It still makes me smile.

Several years ago, a guy I was dating decided to break up with me two days before a big party he was throwing.  I had been looking forward to this party for weeks because it would be big and fancy and fun.  The outfit I had picked out was perfect.  It was part of a series of important charitable events being held for this specific cause and would be "the place to be" that night...if you could get in.

So when he called to tell me he had run into his old girlfriend who wanted to come to the party...as his guest...and he had agreed, well I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.  This was messed up on too many levels:  (1) he chose her over me,  (2)  we were breaking up,  (3) we were breaking up before this party I was looking so forward to,  (4) I would feel embarrassed.

And one of the worst things was that lots of media would be in attendance at this party, so I couldn't even plan to pretend it wasn't happening because it would be covered in all the local newspapers, TV news, and all over the internet.  Geez.

I called my girlfriends to tell them what happened and received all the expected support: "Oh no...that's horrible...what a bastard...I'm so sorry."  They all said the right soothing things.

Except Lauren.  She said: "You're going to that d*** party".

Me:  "What?"

Lauren:  Call G (a previous ex-), take him, get glammed up, go to the party, and have a blast.  EFF HIM!"

And that's exactly what I did.  G was the right date for so many reasons:  he was richer and more handsome than the guy who dumped me, he's fun and sociable, and loves to dance.  We had a ball.

And the look on Boyfriend's face when he saw us there was beyond priceless.  Plus, when people who thought we were a couple saw him with someone else, they also saw me with someone else, and I liked that.   Because I changed the script on this situation, I felt strong and powerful and in control,  instead of pathetic and sad and bereft.   I felt like Lauren was the smartest woman in the world that day because she knew exactly what I needed.  It felt good.

So what about you?  Have you ever been given any advice that changed what seemed to be the likely outcome of a situation?  Please share.



NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop. They make a statement... and a great gift! 


 And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!