Should You Really Confront Your Man's "Girlfriend"?

Not too long ago, a friend of mine, Addie, received a phone call at 4:00 in the morning. The caller was a woman who demanded to know the nature of Addie's relationship with her --the caller's-- boyfriend.  (No one in this story is 17 years old, btw).

We are still laughing about this.  It's a shame when a woman feels she has to make a call like that.  And too bad for this chick that she didn't know better than to make that call to Addie.  Addie's x-rated response can't be printed here but it went something like this: "I blank his blank every chance I get, and then we blank. He really likes it".   The caller cried.

Here's the thing: Addie's relationship with this guy, the woman's supposed boyfriend is strictly platonic, but she said what she said because she really didn't appreciate being awakened in the middle of the night by a nervous Girlfriend who's lost control of her man.  Boyfriend would like it to be more, but Addie isn't interested.  So...the caller was correct in suspecting that all is not right in her relationship, but she needs to deal with it with Boyfriend and leave other people out of it.  And honestly, once you're making a phone call like that you've pretty much already lost him.  Have a little dignity, for pete's sake.

I always feel sorry for women who do this.  I've never confronted another woman about my guy because if you're intuitive, you already know the deal.  If you have to ask...you probably already know the answer.  In Addie's situation, the caller had the right inkling but the wrong woman.  Poor thing.

C'mon...'fess up. Have you ever confronted another woman about your man?  (I haven't...though I've certainly thought about it...before I came to my senses.)



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Is That Your Ma...Or Your Grandma?

There's an article in New York Magazine that is causing lots of discussion everywhere. On TV talk shows, the news, Twitter, all over the blogosphere.  It's about women over 50 having babies.  Not adopting.  Giving birth.

My gut reaction was "Ewww.  Gross!"  But then, when I gave it another thought I realized even my reaction is more complicated than that.  Because who has the "right" to be a parent can be a very complicated discussion.

Obviously, there's a lot of science and technology involved here.  It's pretty tough...almost impossible...for a woman over 50 to give birth without some help.  So while most of these women may actually give birth, it's not usually with their own eggs.  Even then, they sometimes require a little boosting from other medical advances.

It's easy to go to the place of saying "if she's too old, she'll die while the kid is young".  But sometimes even young parents die.  So since we don't really know when a person will leave this earth, that's more of a statistical argument than one that applies to any specific situation.

I've always pretty much felt that I didn't want kids.  But I do recall when I was in my early 30s, I was told by an older woman that she never wanted kids when she was young, but came to regret that decision when she got older.   So, I always wondered if that would happen to me.  And it almost did...for just a few minutes.  There was a very brief period when I thought "I should have a baby before it's too late"; I didn't want to end up in the same situation this woman had.  But that seemed like a really foolish reason to have a kid.  Because I might want one later??  What if I didn't?  Then what?  Could I give it away, saying I had changed my mind?  Well, I think people wouldn't look too kindly on that.

The reality is, I can think of lots of people who shouldn't have kids: substance abusers, crazy people, narcissists, the selfish, mean people... but nobody writes an article about whether they should be allowed to procreate.  I'd probably choose an older lady over a meth addict.

Interestingly, births to women over 45 years old have doubled since 1997, according to the CDC, and births to women over 50 have increased by 375%.  This might be something we'll have to get used to whether we like it or not.

Fortunately, I'm still safe from having to think about this too much.  No kids; no real desire to have any...yet.

What do you think?  Is this a big deal?  Should it be?



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Who'd Play You in the Movie of Your Life?

Whenever my sister and I want to describe someone that the other doesn't know, we ask "who would play him/her in a movie",  and then name an actor, singer, entertainer, celebrity, known-entity that has a resemblance.  It gives an idea of what the person looks like and also is  kinda fun.

Recently, I was sent a questionnaire by I-don't-remember-what-company who was doing a survey of women, and one of the questions was "describe the theme of the biography of your life".   And it got me to thinking:  what if there really was a biography of my life?  What would it focus on?  What would it leave out?  (Lots, I hope).  What if it became a movie?  Who would play me?

And so I took it from there. I answered my own question, then I asked a few friends "who would play them in the movie about their life" and here's the result:

And so I ask you:  Who would play you in the movie of your life?   Send me a picture of yourself and the name of the celebrity, and I'll add you to the Spinsterlicious "Life…Starring Who" pictorial.   C'mon.  It'll be fun!



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Are You Smarter, Now, About Men?

When I was young(er), I think I might have been crazy. Although I didn't think so at the time, here's why I say this now, looking back: I was planning a visit to my dear friends in the midwest and the Husband offered to set me up with a guy they knew. I asked his Wife why she hadn't mentioned this guy to me before and she said something like, "well I'm not sure he's right for you". When I asked why she said "I think he threw his last girlfriend out a window!". Allegedly. It hadn't been proven and he wasn't arrested...but still.



A story like that should have stopped me, even if it was just a rumor. But it didn't. Other than that probably-not-so-minor-detail, he seemed interesting. I said I wanted to meet him.

 Over dinner, I asked him about the incident. He denied throwing her out the window, claiming that she climbed out (2nd floor, I think). Sounded fishy...so why did I go out with him the next night? And the night after that? In fact, we dated for a few months. We even took a vacation together.

 Though there was never a threat or even an inkling of violence from him, he did turn out to be a little nutty. So I ended the relationship. I still can't imagine, though, what I could have been thinking that would have allowed me to go out with him in the first place. Today, I would never go out with a guy who is surrounded by a story like that, even if it's unproven. (-shaking my head-).

 Am I the only one? Please tell me I'm not. Have you ever ignored a really bright red flag and gone out with a guy who, in retrospect, was clearly a really bad idea? What the heck is that about?




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 - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Massachusetts Ave NW,Washington,United States

Hey, It's National Single and Unmarried Americans Week.

This is actually a kinda boring blog post, but it's National Single and Unmarried Americans Week, so I felt compelled to write something in my own defense.  Yeah, I know; you didn't know such a week existed.  Me neither, until very recently.  And I'm not sure, yet, what it really means but I wouldn't mind if it somehow involved gift-giving to Singles...kinda like other "holidays" do.

Anyway, are you tired of people acting like your life is  "less than"  because you're not married?  (Of course you are).  Well, here's a little ammo for the next time you're engaged in one of these tedious conversations and want something new and different to say.  A recent article in the  New York Times reports that Singles actually make more of a contribution to society, their communities, and their families than married people do.

That's right. A study by the Council on Contemporary Families  found that Singles are:

• More likely to take care of their parents
• More connected to their nieces and nephews
• More likely to visit their neighbors
• More likely to attend political gatherings, and are
• More active volunteers in their communities.  (When married people volunteer, it's apparently more self-serving, e.g., coaching sports their kids are involved in, or being active in their own church, whereas voluntarism by Singles is more likely to focus on others, without it having a direct impact on their own lives).

Single people, especially those without kids, are often called selfish...for a reason I've never really understood.  Selfish?  Really?  Well, we're busy being good citizens.  Nuthin selfish about that.

And you know what, I really don't like this whole Single vs Married debate because most of my dearest friends are married...but I'm not really talking about them because they're lovely and mostly reasonable...so this is for all the marrieds who are not.  :-o





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