My gut reaction was "Ewww. Gross!" But then, when I gave it another thought I realized even my reaction is more complicated than that. Because who has the "right" to be a parent can be a very complicated discussion.
Obviously, there's a lot of science and technology involved here. It's pretty tough...almost impossible...for a woman over 50 to give birth without some help. So while most of these women may actually give birth, it's not usually with their own eggs. Even then, they sometimes require a little boosting from other medical advances.
It's easy to go to the place of saying "if she's too old, she'll die while the kid is young". But sometimes even young parents die. So since we don't really know when a person will leave this earth, that's more of a statistical argument than one that applies to any specific situation.
I've always pretty much felt that I didn't want kids. But I do recall when I was in my early 30s, I was told by an older woman that she never wanted kids when she was young, but came to regret that decision when she got older. So, I always wondered if that would happen to me. And it almost did...for just a few minutes. There was a very brief period when I thought "I should have a baby before it's too late"; I didn't want to end up in the same situation this woman had. But that seemed like a really foolish reason to have a kid. Because I might want one later?? What if I didn't? Then what? Could I give it away, saying I had changed my mind? Well, I think people wouldn't look too kindly on that.
The reality is, I can think of lots of people who shouldn't have kids: substance abusers, crazy people, narcissists, the selfish, mean people... but nobody writes an article about whether they should be allowed to procreate. I'd probably choose an older lady over a meth addict.
Interestingly, births to women over 45 years old have doubled since 1997, according to the CDC, and births to women over 50 have increased by 375%. This might be something we'll have to get used to whether we like it or not.
Fortunately, I'm still safe from having to think about this too much. No kids; no real desire to have any...yet.
What do you think? Is this a big deal? Should it be?
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11 comments:
Well, it's not for me, that is for sure. Who has the energy in their 50's for a little baby? And what about nursing, is that possible at that age? I think God created menopause for a reason. Ha! What about adoption? There are so many babies and older children in need of homes. Well, you know, it takes all kinds. What is good for one person isn't right for another. I hate to make any judgements about it. People do what they want. Oh, and men can have children when they are old!
I think I agree with your views on the subject: it's complicated, and who are we to judge? I agree, having a child over 50, who'd have the energy?
I also hear your personal "dilemma" - should I have a child just so that I don't regret it later? I was never tempted, then as I got older I felt that the lack of energy to get through my normal life would be a good reason not to have kids. Plus, I have had that driving "desire" to have a child, so that made it easier.
We have a stupid, stupid, stupid government initiative here called The Baby Bonus, where mothers get a government handout for having a child. (It may have stopped now, not sure.) but apparently this has had the effect of lots of younger people on welfare payments/benefits having children so they get the baby bonus. Dumb, huh?
So they grow up with no role model who has a job, no father who is around, and frequently a mother who could have done with being a little older and wiser.
It's not for me, either - at any age. I have heard people my own age (early 60s) say that they are glad they have children to take care of them in their later years. IMO, that's not the best reason to have children, either. I know I don't and wouldn't have the time, energy or inclination for a child in my 50s, but as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else....
Interesting comments.I know of couples who adopted after they retired.And I only say god bless. Having a child early when you are caught up in the"married " thing can be a big change also. Inially I wanted to be single .And very early in life made that change of couplehood and very early made it back.Now being older I look at things how they could have been different.
Alone almost 40 years and as you get older your friends become those not married because the ones married don't get you enjoying being alone. The men really want to to get married or they move on.So here I am starting over in my retirement and still discoving what I want to be when I grow up LOL. But I enjoy the plus of being single and independent.I have traveled and done many things my married peers and friends and family have never or will do.
I wouldn't choose it for myself, I really don't want kids. But my father was 51 when I was born, 27 years older than my mother. He died the summer before I started my senior year of high school. That sucked. BUT, in the time that I had with him, I learned a ton. There were a lot of typical "dad" things an older dad couldn't do, but there were a lot of things he could teach me that a younger man wouldn't have had the patience and maturity to do. I got to grow up essentially in a three-generation household and that makes me smart in ways and about things that most of my same-age peers can't imagine. If both my parents had been older, I think that would have been a very different experience, but my experience was good. Except for the part where he died. Which he would do eventually anyway, even he'd been been younger.
Personally, I have no desire to give birth and I highly doubt that will change. But, women who are older and having kids...who cares. I honestly don't see the problem. People change their minds on life decisions daily so I am sure some people eventually want to have kids and it is not my right to judge them. I used to think it was gross when I saw older women with kids (ok, I do still give them a double take) but really, I don't care. I chose to stay single and not procreate and that is my life and choice. It is other peoples right to have kids any time of life. Also, no one really says anything when men have kids when they are older.
Yeah, I don't know about having kids after 40, let alone 50, but I recently learned that you can adopt and be a foster parent as a single person, so I am SUPER excited about that. I'm going to go back to Chicago, earn a Masters, and teach. Save some money, create a nice living situation. No man in my life? No problem! I'll adopt or become a foster mom. Schh-zam!! Empowerment. Maybe that's what this whole issue is about--empowerment. People having more control over their destiny and defying aging whether it's through beauty products & procedures, Viagra, or eating enough antioxidants to kill off the free radicals that cause cell damage. A cost benefit analysis should be done weighing in the woman's health. Also the reasons for having the baby at 50 should be analyzed. I know that's done for would-be-patients of plastic surgery, but I'm sure there are many who do it for the wrong reasons anyway..hmmm. Complicated issue.
I am going to be 38 soon and I can tell you in no uncertain terms that I would have to be very very in love with whomever the man is to want to have more children. My kids came along very early in my life. I wouldn't change my decision to have them for anything. They've taught me as much as I have taught them. That being said, having been such a young mother, there is no way that I would want to start over now, let alone when I am 50. When I am 50, I will be moving into a new phase of my life where work doesn't demand my full attention and I anticipate experiencing everything I've thus far been unable to do!
My daughters are grown with kids of their own, this Grandma is done! My life is full, working, traveling, personal projects, volunteer work, etc., no way I start all over again. But to each her own, if it works for you then go for it.
Isn't there usually a risk of the child being disabled or handicap for women over 45? I'm not sure if this risk exists when using transplanted eggs though-I would imagine not, but for women conceiving normally that is a huge risk to take. Don't get me wrong, children are a blessing no matter what, but knowingly taking that risk because you want a child instead of adopting? Doesn't seem fair to the child. And special needs children require a lot of attention/energy (actually that's true for all children-haha) and like Stella says, after 50 who has that kind of energy?
Plus I imagine it'd push your retirement age even later as the kid would be going to college when you were ~70, so you'd have to plan for that financially at a time in your life when your peers are probably going on cruises or playing golf or whatever retired people do.
Meth should definitely not be tolerated, you could only help people like them get back on their feet and remove the habit.
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