Should We Cut Grandpa Some Slack?

I received this note from one of my favorite readers:

 I had to read it twice, though, to really understand what she was saying.  On the surface, she spoke about wanting acknowledgement from her grandfather for being a great aunt to her sister's kids.  I think what it is really about, though, is that grandpa doesn't know --and therefore can't acknowledge-- the real pain she feels of not having the kids she really wants.  But I'm sure he doesn't know…maybe because she hasn't really told him.  So he made an assumption.

He got it wrong.  This happens a lot, but oftentimes I think people just don't know any better.  When you don't do what is "expected" of you --in this case, not having a husband or children --how do you manage the assumptions or questions from others?  Do you tirelessly explain to each and every one why you haven't followed the societal norm?  Or do you just get annoyed/angry.

And perhaps, worse, does it hurt your feelings because you're constantly forced to confront the fact that you don't have the husband and/or kids you want so much?

This isn't my deal because I've chosen not to get married or have kids, but this reader did not make this choice, it was made for her.  So, I kinda don't know what to say, so I'm putting the question to you.

What would you say to a dear friend who presented this same scenario to you?



NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post.   Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page.   Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right).   Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!   


Oh yeah.  And don't forget to visit  The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP!

Is Boredom A Good Reason For Divorce?

A good friend and regular reader of The Spinsterlicious Life sent me an article (Thanks, Candice) about the growing number of women who are leaving their marriages because they are "bored".  That's right.  According to the article (that I've re-titled Boredom-Driven Divorce), adultery and money issues are no longer the major reason for divorce; "growing apart" is...a euphemism for "I need something different".

These boredom-driven divorces are usually initiated by women...who are, apparently, married to perfectly decent husbands...who they don't dislike...but with whom they are finding their married life unbearingly dull.

As one woman put it, "I just wanted to change my life"...so she did.  She left.  One expert says this is a manifestation of how narcissistic we've all become.  Another says it's just an example of women taking back their power and refusing to "put up or shut up" like women historically may have.  Both explanations might be true, but I'm leaning more toward the latter.

It's interesting, though.  Bored married men just cheat on their wives; bored married women leave.  I have to admit, this reaffirms my fear about marriage.  I always assumed I'd be bored to death looking at the same guy for the rest of my life, so I just didn't bother.  I always remember a line from a Chris Rock joke:  you got two choices:  single and lonely -or married and bored.

But what do you think?  Is being bored enough of a good reason to get a divorce?  What if children are involved?  (Leaving is probably better than murder, huh?)




NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post.   Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page.   Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right).   Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!   


Oh yeah.  And don't forget to visit  The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP!

Ten Years Ago, One September Morning

I live in New York City, about 2 miles from Ground Zero.  Ten years later, my memories are still vivid.  But when I think of Sept 11, 2001, my mind is filled with a series of cinematic shorts, so to speak, rather than a single memory or linear story:

Photo Credit: Kim Williams (Taken from our rooftop

•  Bounding up the stairs to the roof of my building with a cup of coffee and my dog, somewhat excitedly,  to check out the "plane accident".  Lots of neighbors were already gathered and there was lots of animated conversation about "how the pilot could have made such an error"...and then silence as the second plane hit.  It was at that moment that we all knew at the same time that this was no accident. 

•   I recall running from the roof down to my apartment, back up to the roof, down again to my apartment and repeating this many times.   My cell phone wasn’t working.   No one’s was.   I wanted to be in my apartment to let the family and friends who were calling know that I was ok, but I didn’t want to be in my apartment, I wanted to be on the roof watching, wondering, letting it all sink in.

•  We milled around on the roof for hours, some yelling, some crying, all bewildered.  I was the president of my building's  co-op and felt a responsibility to make sure “my people” were ok.  I invited several down to my apartment where we stayed until late in the evening.  I picked up Chinese food, somebody brought beer, and there we stayed  glued to the television for any tidbit of news that would help us make sense of this terrible tragedy.

•  At one point, we thought we should go to St Vincent’s, the neighborhood hospital, to donate blood.  The gravity of the situation really hit us when we learned that they didn’t really need blood.

•  I made a really good friend that day.  Kim, a woman who I’d had a nodding acquaintance with, was one of those who came to my apartment to eat and comfort each other.  She took the photos of two towers, then one, then none that are still on my mantle (and the one in this post).

•  The guy I was dating lived in Long Island, about 90 minutes away.  He thought we should be together during this time.  I didn't think it was that important…and I guess it dawned on me right then that this wasn’t the guy for me.

• Around 9p, I wanted them all to go home.  I felt like I needed to be alone to really let it all sink in.  As long as I had a houseful of people, it wouldn’t feel quite real.  I knew it would only become real when I had to go back to trying to have a normal life…back to being alone in my apartment, just me and my dog.

I have zero memory of September 12.  I do recall, somewhat surprisingly, that life went on...pretty normally for the most part, rather quickly afterwards.  I also think I teared up for the first time ever the next time I heard our country's national anthem.

Ten years later, I was one of those who celebrated --unashamedly-- the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

What about you?  What do you think of when you remember September 11, 2001?

NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post.   Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page.   Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right).   Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!   

Oh yeah.  And don't forget to visit  The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP!

Summer 2011, Please Don't Leave Me!

I know, it happens every year around this time.  Labor Day weekend is the unofficial end to summer and I'm never ready.  I had a  pretty great summer this year, and my last summer weekend was quite nice as well.  (I do "time off" really well).

The Johnson family and my friend, Angie ( a sister-but-reluctant-Spinster), came out to my house on the eastern shore of Long Island to close out the summer.  We were blessed with great weather.  We kicked off Friday with happy hour at Dockers Waterside ...that lasted past a beautiful sunset and into the night, where we grooved a bit to Mean Machine              a band that played danceable covers of rock-'n'-roll favorites, sprinkled with a little reggae.  We started the night with white wine and ended it with Patron shots (Angie's fault).

The next day we went to the Hampton Classic, a horse show competition that I don't quite know enough about to understand the details except to know that I love going.  We left there and headed to the   Shinnecock Indian Pow-wow, my very first.  It was a little bit of a bust because we got there between "shows" and the next competition wasn't for 2 more hours.  We were too impatient to wait, though we did stay around long enough to sample the Indian pudding (made with corn meal, molasses and I-don't-know-what-else).

Mean Machine Band; Angie by the pool,  contemplating life;  Hampton Class rider; me and Native American dancer

That night, Angie made faux Pina Coladas out of rum and coconut-pineapple ice cream.  Yum!  The Johnsons didn't get any because they'd already fallen asleep.  (That's what having two kids will do to you).

We did a little window-shopping, ate (and maybe drank) a little too much but had fun doing it and, after all, it was the last weekend of summer.  We had to make it a good one!  

This is how I felt by the time I got back to the city.

Danny, exhausted

So, what about you?  How was your summer?  How did you close it out?




NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post.   Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page.   Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right).   Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!   


Oh yeah.  And don't forget to visit  The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP!

The Double Standard

dou·ble stand·ard
Noun: A rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups.  
Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster

I suppose we're all guilty of double-standarding sometimes, but that doesn't mean I can't still get annoyed when I'm the one who's being double-standarded.

Like this.  The other day a woman I ran into said, very knowingly, that the reason I "still" loved living in NYC was because I "didn't have a family".   She believes that one "out-grows" the city as one moves through the marriage-and-kids lifestage.  The woman she was with agreed with her.

First of all, that's a stupid comment because I have a family; what does she call my sister, brother, nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins, blah blah?   Of course, what she meant was I don't have a husband or kids.   It was also stupid because she's acting like the city isn't full of women who love living here with their husband and kids.    I think the real issue is that she's  mad because she and her family  had to move out of the city to get the kind of space they needed and could afford.  Instead of admitting that, she decided to pretend that the Single Woman is somehow stunted...stuck-in-time, and that's why I can love it here when I should have moved on to a more grown-up existence (read: suburbs).


There are a lot of double-standard situations out there.  Like this one: Single workaholics are that way because they hate going home to an empty house.  Married workaholics just want to further their career so they can provide for their family (although we know longer hours don't necessarily translate into more money.  Whatever).

And this one.  Single women with pets are substituting them for the husband and children they don't have.  Married people with pets, well, they just love pets.

There are others.  Tell me yours.



NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post.   Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page.   Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right).   Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!   


Oh yeah.  And don't forget to visit  The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP!  See what's new!