dou·ble stand·ard
Noun: A rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups.
Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster
I suppose we're all guilty of double-standarding sometimes, but that doesn't mean I can't still get annoyed when I'm the one who's being double-standarded.
Like this. The other day a woman I ran into said, very knowingly, that the reason I "still" loved living in NYC was because I "didn't have a family". She believes that one "out-grows" the city as one moves through the marriage-and-kids lifestage. The woman she was with agreed with her.
First of all, that's a stupid comment because I have a family; what does she call my sister, brother, nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins, blah blah? Of course, what she meant was I don't have a husband or kids. It was also stupid because she's acting like the city isn't full of women who love living here with their husband and kids. I think the real issue is that she's mad because she and her family had to move out of the city to get the kind of space they needed and could afford. Instead of admitting that, she decided to pretend that the Single Woman is somehow stunted...stuck-in-time, and that's why I can love it here when I should have moved on to a more grown-up existence (read: suburbs).
There are a lot of double-standard situations out there. Like this one: Single workaholics are that way because they hate going home to an empty house. Married workaholics just want to further their career so they can provide for their family (although we know longer hours don't necessarily translate into more money. Whatever).
And this one. Single women with pets are substituting them for the husband and children they don't have. Married people with pets, well, they just love pets.
There are others. Tell me yours.
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4 comments:
Word. I'm with you on this--if I ever get married, again, and have kids, I want to stay in the city.
What is it about the suburbs where people lure themselves thinking that they're somehow safer or immune from pain and suffering in life? If you want more space and like cutting the yard, I get it, but otherwise, I like the real-ness of the city...I don't know.... :)
Aren't the never-ending assumptions infuriating? Implied also in that woman's statement is something a lot of marrieds assume - that the life of a single is just one big hedonistic, self-indulgent orgy, one big knees-up. The number of times I rock up to the office tired because I sleep badly and I'm met with a barage of "big night, eh?" comments. In fact, for the longest time I have avoided "big nights" like the plague and, for the record, love nothing more than coming home to an empty house. I am never bored. There are no gaps to fill.
I think it's up to all of us to keep an arsenal of comebacks for these kinds of comments, as they are coming thicker and faster than ever in this family-obsessed society. People tend to ape what these dopey celebrities come out with, delivering a volley of parent-as-saint cliches.
Sticking up for yourself and your life choices is the only way to make people aware of the tripe they're spouting and that their presumptions are presumptuous.
Sorry if I've strayed off-track. Very tired. Big weekend... on a liquids-only detox.
The premise is a bit faulty, too. Things have changed. More and more couples with children are opting to stay in cities. I live in a neighborhood that was voted the #1 nabe in the country (part hype, IMHO) and people complain of being run over by the double wide strollers. Some of these people can afford large apartments but some make do with smaller spaces in order to raise their children in the city and also, to avoid commuting.
I think you should do things just the way you want to. It should be everyones goal in life to be happy, not to ensure that the people around us are comfortable with our choices! I hope you are having a fabulous time in the city. I would love to visit New York City one day.
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