Because she likes to present different points-of-view in the magazine, she asked me to write an article for them in my own voice. I was delighted. I'm not a "trained" writer, so it was an honor to be allowed to write it myself rather than just being interviewed and having someone else craft it.
The article is on newstands now, in the November issue. Here it is:
Why-I-Said-Yes-to-Staying-Single
(http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Sex-Relationships/Why-I-Said-Yes-to-Staying-Single.html)
NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!
Oh yeah. And don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP!
28 comments:
Congratulations, Eleonore!
What a great article! I hope it helps people see the light. I know when I was in my 30s it was fun and OK being single, but when I hit 50, and am now asked, "Are you married?" or "Do you have kids?" and my answer is no, I get a blank look, or a dumbfounded look. It makes me feel like a misfit. My impression is that people don't believe you are a fully functioning, capable adult. You're fortunate to have your own business, imagine working in an office with 35 women who have baby pictures, and husbands hanging all over the place. You are correct in your observation that being divorced gives you a higher status in the pecking order than spinsterdom. Sad but true.
Congrats Eleanore! What a fabulous article. And I love the pic of you and Danny.
The "Are you married yet?" line really set me off and made me want to slug the asker. She must be related to the dozens of people I meet who ask me (a married women) if I have kids "yet". Like you, I don't mind them asking me if I have children, just leave out the offensive judgemental "yet" word.
It's rude and insensitive. What if we once did have one but now no longer do? Or what if we spent years trying to no avail? Or what if we simply didn't want any? Why, like you, are we put in the position to either have to pre-think a snappy comeback, or made to feel like our lives are somehow still not complete?
Kudos to you for both the terrific article, and the wonderful life you've created for yourself that I'm thrilled to be able to share parts of.
Wow, congratulations! And what a great article. They chose the right person to write for them! :-)
Loved the article :) have left you a comment on there as well. Just gonna re-post it here
Kudos to you !! Being single is lots of fun and has its own advantages :) No need to worry about kids, school homework, having dinner ready for the family and all that jazz .. you can just pick up and head off for a vacay whenever you want ... I think its fab !
And Spinsterlicious just sounds like a ton of fun :)
Congrats! Loved the article. I actually work on the Australian version of Woman's Day here, although ours are so obsessed with reinforcing the status quo re marriage and babies that I doubt they'd even air a different POV. Drives me NUTS, as you can imagine. I am always thrilled to see the spinster perspective out there for a traditional female readership to consider - the kind who'd normally judge us. You also communicate the message very effectively, with your gentle, not-too-emotive but reasonable arguments and opinions. I tend to be too aggressive and fired-up.
I like your dog. I like dogs, but I'm a cat person. I am not ashamed of that. You know one comment I hate that I always hear? When married women warn single friends, or their kids, "You don't want to end up a crazy cat lady, do you?" Well, actually, yes, I do. I can think of no more joyful existence! I draw the line at three though. I do like your line about the dog being a dog, not your child. I tend to feel more maternal pangs towards cats than children, but I do see what you were saying.
@Anonymous: I think being a misfit can be a good thing sometimes. It frees me up from having to do/behave in ways others expect. I like it!
@Molly: You're so right. The kid question can be even more insensitive. My hope is that we can all chip away at this notion that we must all take the same path.
@Janine: Ha! Funny that you work at Woman's Day Australia. Maybe it's time they run a similar article. We have a voice we need to share.
@Nassange and Michael Ann: Thanks so much for your continued support!
Congrats! That's amazing!
Congrats and great article. I agree with your sentiments 100%.
Hi Eleanore, I'm a Woman's Day subsriber and just read your article. It couldn't have come at a better time! I am a 51 year old woman, never married/no kids, living a great life in Chicago, but for some reason I was feeling down yesterday about being single. I realize now that it was more about feeling unconnected to family and friends lately versus being single. I love having my own apartment (that I can decorate as I please), answering to no one about how I spend my money and time, and being independent! I used to think the word spinster was rather sad, but I LOVE spinsterlicious :) You have a new fan in me! Thanks for sharing your story.
Great Artcle and congrats! Love it and love your story!
YAY!!!! Congrats to you and also congrats on getting your voice heard. I think that writing things like that will help people who are not sinlgutionary or spinsterlicious to start thinking about being single in a different way. And that will help single people feel less like "misfits". This is fantastic news! Great job!
Congratulations! I think lots of people admire you living from what you believe in rather than from the context of 'SHOULD'. This also leads to a happy life. xx
Congrats! So nice to see a mainstream mag want to present this view. Thanks for stating it so well (as usual).
Great article Eleonore. Keep doing you, you fabulous spinsterlicious you!
I find this article incredibly hypocritical, in light of your attack on older, umarried men on www.andthatswhyyouresingle.com.
Exact link.
Let me get this straight. You want to be treated with respect and dignity, and have your choices honored, but you disdain men who make the same choice? That seems...ironic.
@Anonymous. Re: the ATWYS post, I start out by saying my feelings might be hypocritical. But maybe not; the dynamics around women not marrying are different from those about men not marrying...so I stand by my sentiments.
In what way do you consider the dynamics for men and women different?
@Anonymous: The dynamics around marriage for men and women are different in so many ways. I'll topline just a couple:
-The # of "marriageble" men are lower than for women (e.g., more are in prison, homeless, etc)
-Men with advanced degrees will marry a woman with just a h.s. diploma, but the reverse happens less
-Studies show that marriage almost always improves men's emotional well-being, physical health, and career path. The #s aren't as strong or consistent for women.
So...finding the right mate for men can be easier and the benefits are clearer
The list is longer, but I'm going to leave it here
Congratulations on your article, and thank you! I've never met anyone like me. I decided not to get married and have children just before my 16th birthday, and have had to put up with condescending remarks ever since. In my 20s people told me I'd grow out of it; in my 30s people told me I just hadn't met the right man; in my 40s people assumed it was sour grapes talking and that I'd actually jump at the first man who offered, and now that I'm in my 50s the first response I get is "Oh? How many cats do you have?" (always plural, for some reason). It's such a relief to know that there are happy, healthy, fulfilled women like me out there, spinsters by choice. Thanks for the great article!
Hi Eleanore, I truly enjoyed reading your article in Woman's Day. I am a subscriber to the magazine. Though I am not currently single, I have been. If I ever find myself single again, I would truly embrace it as you have. I have much respect for your openness and willingness to share part of your life with other women. I plan to share your article with my many single friends and family members, who often get asked the question, "when are you getting married or having children". Hopefully your article will give them some ammunition when responding. I wish you continued happiness in your life. Debra Hunt
Congratulations! Great article. When I was 27, I was having lunch with a childhood acquaintance, 28, who had already been divorced twice. She introduced me to a colleague with the words "Lauren has never even been engaged!" I was stunned and amused. Ironically, I was just about to become engaged. The colleague, a gay man from Capetown, looked at her in utter amazement. It was odd this many years later to read that someone thrice divorced was concerned. Why is that better, I wonder? Oh well. The childhood acquaintence is now on #6 and it has lasted. I do think people are a tad--just a tad--less judgemental now. One hopes.
I just read your article and absolutely loved it -- sometimes I feel that as you say never being married is WORSE than being married multiple times...YEA for acknowledging this...
I cant wait to read your next post...
Thanks for making me feel normal!
Loved your article! As a newly single female after 2 marriages totaling 30 years, and I'm only 52 years young, I can join voices with you stating I LOVE BEING SINGLE!!! Thanks for going where no(wo)man has gone before to celebrate and congratulate the awesomeness of being single.
Loved your article. Thank you for saying out loud that being single is an awesome state of being. We have nothing to be ashamed of.
This is my 1st time EVER going on a blog, but I had to "say" something! I am 72 years old, a widow for 30 years, with 1 biological and 1 step child, 9 grands and 10 great grands. I NEVER wanted to get married. I got pregnant at 18 and back in that day, you got married. I am so glad that you wrote that article and really wish it could be published in every newspaper and magazine and on all the TV news shows and even run as a public announcement: IT IS ALRIGHT NOT TO BE MARRIED AND/OR HAVE KIDS, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT!
If you want a career and to be free and just do you, it is OKAY! Everybody does not want someone else to define who or what they are. They want to be independent and free to do what they want to do, when they want to do it, with whoever they want to, and that is called FREEDOM. Thank you, thank you for the article and letting me add my 2 cents to the discussion.
@RKinsawLady: I hope this isn't the last time we hear from you!
Congrats on the article! I've told several friends about you. Some single, some divorcing, some up in an unknown. You've changed my view on things. And I greatly appreciate it. I probably would not have had the courage to do so, so strongly, had it not been for finding your site. Thank you.
Post a Comment