Ghosts of New Year's Eves Past

It's that time of year again.    Every third conversation in the next few days will be about New Year's Eve: "what are you doing" -or-  "what did you do?"    I often feel compelled to have a response that is at least a little bit interesting and I usually do.  I've had lots of fun New Year's Eve celebrations, but those are not what this posting is about today.  This post is about those New Year's Eve celebrations that were, uh, weird. 

• A couple of years ago, I went to Dubai for New Year's Eve.  Dubai is known for having one of the world's most spectacular New Year's Eve celebrations with fun-filled festivities and amazing fireworks displays.  My friend, Heather, had recently moved there and I thought it would be very cool to celebrate the New Year with her in her new home in a big way.  It's a long and expensive flight to Dubai from NYC, but it was okay because I was very excited about what was to come.  I couldn't wait to throw myself into all the city had to offer.  I was all aflutter like a little kid. (Pause) In solidarity with some fighting somewhere, Sheik What's-his-name canceled all New Year's Eve celebrations that year. (sigh)

• About 25 years ago, I spent New Year's Eve in my robe on the stairs outside my apartment (but inside the building). I was living in a brownstone in Harlem.  There were three floor-through apartments and I (and my roommate) lived on the second floor.    For a reason that I can no longer remember, I left my apartment --barefoot and in my robe-- to borrow something from one of my neighbors. (Yeah, it was that kind of building. We were all friends).   By instinct, I shut the door behind me.   That was not a good move.   My heart sank, immediately.   I was locked out.  My roommate was away.   The neighbor I was going to borrow from turned out not to be home nor was anybody else in the building.  This was in the days before cellphones.    I was supposed to meet my date at a restaurant that was about mid-way between my house and his.  After a bite to eat, we were going to a big gala at The Puck Building in Soho.  But I was locked out, no shoes, and no clothes.  And I stayed that way until my landlord came home around 2:00a.  The guy that I "stood up" didn't believe my story and never spoke to me again. I didn't really blame him.  I wouldn't have believed me, either.

•  Last year, I wasn't really in the mood for a party.  I wanted something fun but quiet.  I had just started dating a widower who was spending New Year's Eve with his kids, so I decided to spend the evening with my good friend, A.  She had been working like a dog and we hadn't seen each other in awhile so hanging out with her seemed like exactly the kind of evening I was looking for.  I got to her house about 10:30p.  She had cooked a nice dinner and it was fun chowing down, having a few cocktails, and just catching up.   Long story short, I noticed that A had gotten pretty quiet and I was doing all the talking.   Then I heard a soft zzzzz.   It was 11:15p and A was fast asleep.  I mean in a seriously deep sleep that she wasn't budging from.   So there I sat.   At midnight, the Guy called to wish me a Happy New Year, we chatted for a few minutes, and I looked over at A.   She was still out.   I tiptoed out.  I was back home by 12:30a.  I think my doorman felt sorry for me.

• A year or two after I bought my vacation home, I had a lovely New Year's Eve there with my beau and his dog.   Out in the country, a dusting of snow on the ground, a fire burning.  It was sweet.  There's not much of a story here...except that spending the evening with his dog is the reason I now have my dog.

Happy New Year, everybody!!

Photo: Courtesy ajitkumar.org

NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please (re)subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  (It's a new service; if you registered earlier, you'll have to do it again.  Sorry...and Thanks) 
 

Angie's "Ambivalently Spinsterlicious" Shoe-of-the-Week

What does Angie Hancock --marketing executive, entrepreneur, babe-about-town, and good friend-- think of Spinsterlicious-ness?  Not much.  It's not for her. 

 In her own words:

Is it ok not to be “Spinsterlicious”? 

I have a cool life.  I have wonderful family and friends who care about me (check).   I have a job (check), and my own business (www.ExperienceHarlem.com).   I’m healthy (check).  I’ve traveled the world and I get to do some pretty cool stuff (check).  I am incredibly grateful for all of these blessings in my life.   I say "thank you" each morning when I wake, each evening when I go to bed and I pray for the people I see every day who are struggling. 

I am single.  I would rather not be.  I think being Spinsterliscious is fabulous, but can’t it also be ok to want a family?  I just turned 40.  Yikes!  Spanx, hair color and a whole category of anti-aging creams I haven’t wrapped my head around yet have entered my life.  During my 20’s I always had a man and was even engaged once.  Dodged a bullet there.  During my 30’s I moved to NYC, changed careers and launched a company.  Now I find myself back in corporate life.  I was so burned out from my entrepreneurial stint that it took six months to even realize that I had bottomed out.  Add to that I’ve only had one serious relationship in the last 10 years, and that ended in soul-wrenching heartbreak.  I was in a dark place for a long time.  I do not date very much.  It’s not because I do not want to.  I simply do not meet very many men that I connect with.  I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City when she said, “I’ve been dating for 20 years, I’m exhausted, where is he!”. 

I hate that phrase ‘the clock is ticking’ but the reality is that I do not have forever to have a child and at my age it will be a high risk pregnancy.  I recall as a little kid there were always a couple of kids in class whose parents were older and the other kids would joke, “is that your grandma?”  If I'm lucky, I will be the old parent at school.  I will also fess up that I am scared.  I know strong, independent black women are not supposed to admit that right?  Honestly, I’ve never particularly cared for the title, it just is.   And yes, I realize I can do it alone, adopt, leverage technology, a child needs just one good parent, blah, blah, blah.  Again, I want a family.  To me that means a partner who wants to build a life together that includes children.  I am a product of a single parent household (that explains a lot, right) and while I survived it, it was hard and I do not recommend it.  

A couple of summers ago I was headed to a party with a girlfriend.  It was around 10pm when we left and while that was the ideal time to leave for a party in my ‘20’s, this tired entrepreneur now valued my sleep more.  I had wanted a family for quite some time; that evening was the first time I felt that I would rather be watching my daughter take her first steps than looking for some party.  

I’ve been to my share of fun parties and now I’m truly over it.  I’m ready for something more.  I dated a man with children once and some of my fondest memories were of the time I spent with his kids and his oldest son thanked me for making his favorite dinner.  It brought a tear to my eye when the toddler patted me on the back and told me he loved me.  I enjoyed going to the store buying their Cheerios and apple juice.  I felt like I was taking care of my family.

For the last few years I’ve been asking myself what’s wrong with me.  Certainly the common denominator in all of my failed relationships is me.   I try to be very self aware and recognize I have my opportunity areas and I’m always trying to be better, stronger, pinker, etc. but I think I’m still a pretty cool chick.  A number of my male friends have told me so for years, so I’m going to believe them.  

So, what does all this have to do with shoes?

The story behind these shoes is that a friend told me my problem is that I give off a business and/or golf vibe (um, I thought boys dig girls who play golf) and that I need to “turn up my sexy.”  Ha!   I thought that was pretty hilarious but not to contradict my earlier point, perhaps I could do more to be a little “pinker”.  Also, given the weight of the last few years, I haven’t felt particularly sexy in a long time so my confidence and energy could use a little work.  

My friends decided to make “turning up my sexy” the theme of my 40^th birthday party.  In addition to these shoes, I received some other “turning up my sexy” goodies including pasties, handcuffs and some fabulous lingerie.  I’m going to --as my grandmother told me her mother told her “put your lipstick on even if you’re going to the trash can”  -- put on my high heels and just be ‘liscious until I find someone to use my birthday goodies on.

So, Angie's ready to retire her Spinsterlicious membership, and her new shoes just might help!  What do y'all think?

NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please (re)subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  (It's a new service; if you registered earlier, you'll have to do it again.  Sorry...and Thanks) 
 

What to Give a Spinster for Christmas??

What to give a Spinster for Christmas?   Maybe nothing.   Every year, in the middle of the Christmas season, I'm somewhat amused by the multitudes of Gift Guides I see everywhere --in newspapers, magazines, online, handouts in stores-- designed to help us choose "the perfect" gift for the people on our list.   


I'm always struck by the way these gift guides are categorized.  As if your lifestage is a determinant of what you would want as a gift.  (Lifestage, not personality or interests).  The obvious ones are the What to Give Mom, ...Dad, or ...College Student guides.   According to them, Mom wants robes, lingerie, fluffy slippers, perfume, and jewelry.  The more upscale ones may suggest a Spa Day.   For Dad, there's plaid shirts, cufflinks and gadgets.  And every college student, of course, wants electronics.  I see these kinds of guides every year so I'm assuming they must be popular...and maybe even helpful...though I find the suggestions in these guides to be pretty unimaginative.

I'm intrigued, though, by the number of Holiday Gift Guides I've seen lately "for the Bachelor".   They're usually much more interesting.   They look like someone actually took the time to scout for gifts that are, if not unique, at least pretty creative.   They suggest things that are uncommon and usually not easy to find (and not inexpensive), like high-end small batches of alcohol, cashmere sweaters,  "The Art of Shaving" kits, unusual music collections, even art.   If I didn't know better, I'd think that all Bachelors must be really special people; look at how much more interesting the gift suggestions for them are.

Then it occurred to me that I've never seen a Christmas Gift Guide for me.  No "What to Get the Single Lady in Your Life"  -or- "Christmas Gifts for the Bachelorette" -or- "Holiday Gifts that Every Spinster Wants".   Nada.  Why not?   I like Christmas gifts.   

So I decided to do an online search.   It was worse than I expected.   I didn't really think I'd find much of anything.  What I found,instead, was even more ridiculous.  All the Bachelorette gift suggestions are for Bachelorette Parties (as in pre-wedding), so that at least one of them doesn't have to be a bachelorette anymore.  


So bachelorette is not the way to go.  I kept searching.  Apparently, unmarried women must have one helluva sense of humor because most of the gift suggestions I came across fall into the gag group (mugs, t-shirts, and hats with witty quips) or wacky category (flannel pajamas, Chippendales wall calendars, lots of socks in funny colors).  

What am I to make of this?  If you're a woman who's old enough to be married but isn't,  you don't deserve a proper gift --or gift guide-- during the holidays?   We gotta change that.   Next year, I want to see interesting, creative, respectable gift suggestions for someone like me; hell, I like high-end liquor, too!  C'mon retailers.  I know you can do this!



NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please (re)subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  (It's a new service; if you registered earlier, you'll have to do it again.  Sorry...and Thanks) 

Dressing for Air Travel Without Losing Your Mind (Or Getting Arrested)

Unless you’ve been living in a cave lately, you’re probably aware of the uproar around the new screening procedures at U.S. airports.  Thanks to the ever-growing threat of would-be terrorists hiding bombs in their clothing, the TSA continues to intensify security procedures for anybody who wants to get on a plane.

This is the most personal it’s gotten so far:  we now have the choice of being felt up or posing for a semi-pornographic pic.  I exaggerate, but that’s the kind of language used by the people who protest these procedures.  I actually don’t think it’s that bad… but then, I’ve been accused of having mildly exhibitionist tendencies.

So in short, here’s the deal.  Basics: shoes, scarves, jackets, sweaters and other outerwear off.  Sometimes watches and jewelry, but not always, which is annoying—you won’t know if this particular watch will cause a beep at this particular airport until you try it.  (Or you could just take it off.)  The next steps are different at every airport, which I suppose could be a good thing, because it makes it harder for the bad guys to figure out the system.  (I travel a lot and it’s certainly confusing the hell out of me).

Last week I was at O’Hare.  It seemed we had the choice of the regular screening machine or the enhanced one that makes you look almost naked.  I say “choice,” but I don’t really think it was up to us.   In addition, some lucky folks—they say it’s random—also had the opportunity for an enhanced pat-down.  I had one of those a month or two ago, before I saw any of the news reports about these new dialed-up procedures.  It startled me a bit, but not in a bad way.  I thought the security chick was getting a little too familiar; she lightly ran her hands between my breasts, brushed against my butt and even quickly between my legs (or so it seemed).  It was almost funny.  Anyway, she was friendly and very professional, but I didn’t quite know what to make of it.  For a split second it almost felt kinda nice, too, like a bad, clumsy first date.

If you’re planning to join the millions of folks who are traveling this holiday season, there are a few things you can do in dressing that will make it less painful.  These tips won’t make the plane take off on time, but they might get you through the security check faster.

You’ll want to plan your travel outfit carefully.  In general, the simpler (and lighter weight), the better.  The goal is to be the kind of traveler you wouldn’t mind being behind in the security line.

Clothing
With these new procedures, I prefer clothing without a waistband, so I tend toward dresses more so than skirts or pants.  For the pat-down, the fewer hiding places, the better.  I prefer jersey knit dresses because they travel well: they don’t wrinkle and they look good, skimming the body “just so.”  And Mr./Ms. TSA  won’t have to dig around to see if you’ve got any contraband tucked in the waist.

I like leggings for traveling, but it matters what you wear with them.  I usually choose a T-shirt and long cardigan (which has to come off).   If you choose a tunic, it should be simple (see dress recommendations above).

If you opt for pants or a skirt, choose one that doesn’t need a belt—it’s just one more thing to remove, slowing things down.

Footwear
In summer I favor flip-flops, but at this time of year I usually choose slip-ons: pumps, loafers, or ballerina flats.  Boots with zippers are also fine, but this is not the time to go trotting out the lace-up thigh-highs.  (Pack them if you think you’ll need them).  Avoid any shoe that has to be tied.  Pull-on boots are a no-no as well—you may think they’re easy, but in reality they take way too long.

Legwear
For me, it’s barefoot or tights—I just don’t like socks. But I can’t think of a good reason you shouldn’t wear them, so go ahead if you must.

Undergarments
I always wear underwire bras and they rarely set off the alarm, but I know a lot of women who say that theirs do.  If this has happened to you, maybe wear a bra without underwire. Do wear a bra though; no matter how much of a free spirit you are, you don’t want to make it that much fun for the guys behind the body scanner.

In my opinion, women should always wear cute underwear, but it’s especially important if you’re going to get a body scan.  Some might think the exact opposite, arguing that we should wear something unattractive so the scanner-viewer won’t get any cheap thrills.  But then, we don’t really know what turns him or her on, so I say:  Wear something you’d be proud to be seen in!  Personally, I like lacy boy-cut shorts.  If you’re modest, you might want to avoid a thong.

Jewelry
Chunky, clunky jewelry gets packed or stays home.  I keep travel jewelry to a minimum, mostly because I’m afraid I’ll lose something.  (Wouldn’t you know it, I broke my own rule about two months ago and wore a beautiful bracelet I’d recently bought in Paris; it beeped, I had to go back through, I put it in a bin and sent it through the machine . . . and that’s where I left it.  Didn’t remember until I was on the plane.) 

Next Steps
At the airport, you’ll probably have at least some choice of security lines; pick the one that looks the least complicated.  Obviously, you’ll want to avoid getting behind the family with two-year-old triplets in strollers.  Teenagers, with their headphones, electronics, and sullen attitudes should also be avoided (here, and in life in general, is my philosophy).  Ideal: businessmen and -women; they do this all the time and know how to get through it quickly.  I’ve found that older travelers—say, in their 80s—aren’t bad, either; their clothing and travel gear are often straightforward and uncomplicated.

Now that you’ve worked your way through security, the next annoyance is deciding what to do about food . . . but that’s another article for another time. Happy travels and happy holidays!


NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please (re)subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  (It's a new service; if you registered earlier, you'll have to do it again.  Sorry...and Thanks)

Linda Ricci, Spinsterlicious Lady, Has an Online Dating Story...or Two

Linda Ricci, witty lady, dating champ, and brave enough to escape corporate America to do lots of fascinating things, including starting her own line of  awesome jewelry and blogging about the intersection of technology, strategy, and psychology: http://decahedralist.com/.  Today, she's sharing her thoughts on a few of her online dating adventures.

 

Online dating is one of the joyful rites of passage that most late 30-something or 40-something single women eventually experiences. "Why not, right? I'll give it a try." Now mind you - I'm not sitting here sadly crying into my herbal tea with fading sugar plum visions of a big white floofy dress in my head. But I LIKE men, and am self-employed and work from "home" (my couch, mostly), so online dating is one of the few ways to meet them.

But oh the joys.

It started when I posted my real age (42). Nobody wanted to talk to me! No matches, no replies, nada. So I very scientifically started changing "variables" to see which would change the results. Shaving an inch off my 5'11" height?  No result.  2?  Still nothing.  Ok, height back to original.

Religion?  Also no discernable result.

Ok then - the "variable" I had always insisted shouldn't make a difference: age.  I mean, I look about 34, so I lowered my age by a year.  Then again, then again, until I hit 39.

And the floodgates opened! But what did the gushing waters bring?  Such prizes as the 58- year-old grandfather who lives with his mother as the result of a traumatic brain injury. Seriously?  I didn't think so.  And what kind of ego permits a 58-year-old man, living with his mother and with a traumatic brain injury, to think he has a rat's ass chance in hell with someone like me?



What most astounded me though, was just the sheer number of profiles and emails sporting absolute gibberish.  Can no one string a proper sentence together?  Here's an example - I never could figure out what he was talking about (a born and bred american IT specialist, his profile claimed). To this day I chuckle when I think about "without being sluggished" - it's become a running joke of sorts between me and my friends.
 


My serious interest in possibly meeting someone to date rapidly turned into bemused anticipation of what ridiculousness would find me that day.
 
And some soul searching. Am I unreasonably picky? Do I have a right to expect more? And then the inevitable rebuttal - "Am I that desperate?".  To which the answer is clearly "no."
 
So, "adorned" with my sense of humor and a whole bunch of friends waiting for the latest wacky update, I will bravely continue my quest. 

Like Linda, I, (Eleanore), too, have had my share of online dating adventures.  Maybe I'll blog about them someday.  In the meantime, I'd love to hear about yours. 

NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please (re)subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  (It's a new service; if you registered earlier, you'll have to do it again.  Sorry...and Thanks)