The Dilemma

I had drinks a few weeks ago with an old friend.   Teresa and I went to high school together and hadn't seen each other pretty much since we graduated.   We re-met when she came to NYC for what could be called somewhat of a mid-life reinvention.    She decided she wants to change careers and she needed to come to New York for re-education and training.

I admire people who aren't afraid of change. Staying in place can be comfortable, but sometimes comfortable is also a euphemism for stuck.   So I think it's pretty cool that she uprooted her life at this age, moved to NYC, found an apartment, and dove right in.   This is especially notable because Teresa is married.   So now she has a commuter marriage.

I admire her husband, too, for "allowing" her to do this.   "Allowed" as in was supportive and didn't make it hard on her or try to make her feel guilty for leaving the marital home to satisfy her own needs.   Lots of guys wouldn't have done that, and I think it's great that he did.

Ok, so now, here's the clincher.   School's over, Teresa has graduated and now it's time to go back to the home, husband, friends, and life she left a year ago.   Except she's not sure that she wants to.  Nothing against the husband (as far as I know), but I think she fell in love with New York and her new life here.   Plus, NY (or LA) is where she needs to be to jumpstart this new career.  But hubby's waiting for her in a different city.  So now what?

And you know what (as I insert myself into the story), this is one of the things that always scared me about marriage.   How do two people grow in the same direction and want the same thing all their lives?   Here Teresa got a taste of a different life and she's liking it.  What does this mean for them as a couple?

 I don't think hubby wants to move here.  He's self-employed so starting over in a new city with a new customer base wouldn't be easy.  Plus, that wasn't their deal.   But Teresa's got a taste of a new life and new possible career and going back to what was may not work for her anymore.

I don't know what she's decided to do, but I don't envy her.   This is a tough one.   What would you do?



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