I am a single woman with no kids. I've been that way all my life. It's by choice, so it's a fine place to be. Eons ago, I would have been called a spinster. Or an old maid. Old Maid sounds much too heavy, plus I'm reminded of the card game of the same name where the Old Maid is the last thing one wants to be. If you end up the Old Maid in this game, you are the loser. Some might also say this is true in real life.
I considered bachelorette for a moment, but only for a moment. I knew that wouldn't work. Bachelorette refers to a young woman. It has a certain lightheartedness that I like, but it also seems to carry a bit of frivolity, which really doesn't work for me anymore.
So, nix old maid…nix bachelorette. I'm going with spinster. It's archaic and has a certain ring to it. I think of Jane Austen and well-dressed, polite, independent women. Spinster is so out, it's in. Or at least, that's my plan. Unlike old maid, which automatically carries all kinds of baggage and negative imagery, spinster is different. Dictionary.com defines a spinster as "a woman still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying." Well that certainly is me. No problem.
So when I started chronicling my life, I wanted spinster to be part of the title. But spinster does carry with it a certain blandness. It doesn't seem exciting or fun or lively so, though I like it, it doesn't totally describe me. I am exciting…and fun…and lively, so I decided to jazz it up a bit. I like the word delicious and I have used it to describe my life. And that's how I ended up with Spinsterlicious. Spinster + (de)-licious. Get it?
And that's also how The Spinsterlicious Life was born; it's the name of my book and my blog. And the word spinster is used a lot in both places.
So, I was a little surprised a couple of weeks ago when more than a few Commenters to my Divorce Envy piece on The Huffington Post took issue with my use of the s-word, calling it "ugly" and chastising me for using it. Huh?
I don't know it to be an ugly word. Is it just the whole concept of being a never-married- woman-of-a-certain-age that is ugly? I think it is for some people, and I hope to change that. Similar to the way young African-Americans want to re-frame the N-word, and young women are embracing the B-word, I want to reclaim and jazz up spinster. It's not a bad state of being and shouldn't be considered a bad word. It's what I am. I'm Spinsterlicious, baby!
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11 comments:
Keep up the great work...Spinsterlicious is just another word for FABULOUS. I love it. Stay strong with this. It's not our fault men are afraid of us. I use the word "Babyman" to describe any male who thinks there's something wrong because I want to do what I want when I want. Call me selfish?? Ha, call you jealous.
Amen sister! Rock on!!!
They don't know what they're talking about...love the word. :)
And rest assured I spread the Spinsterlicious word liberally among anyone who cares to listen here Down Under. So yeah, it's gone global. There's no stopping it.
There seems to be a (relatively) sudden upswing in women who choose to live independently and without children. It's still a very unusual choice. There will be some real discomfort with it until the numbers grow. "Spinster" has been out of use for so long that it can't truly be offensive (as "old maid" might be.) People who don't (sometimes can't) live wholly independently are often freaked out by those of us who can and do - I'm betting the objection is to the choice, far more than the word.
Glad I found Spinsterlicious!
Congrats on having far too many comments for me to find the one(s) that took issue with your use of the word spinster. But in my experience, those that take issue with whatever I choose to call myself actually take more issue with the fact that I'm happily single than they do with the word!
This is a story of Spinster. But she didi't surrender, she' ve found power to be strong enough to live, dream and create. Read an excellent book and realise - everythind is in your hands.
How dare anyone chastise you for using a word you created!
Thanks for putting a new "spin" on the word and for helping to change things out there!
This theme is close to me. No, I'm not Spinster, but I wanted to be so-called "old maid", because I thought it was my destiny. Now I've changed my mind, but still I can't understand why people treat Spinsters like something unusual and terrible. Yes, it's untypical, but it's women's choice! If they want to feel independent- so why not?
Thanks for getting in touch with us the other day- cN't wait for you to check out our web-series project! We, like you, aim to redefine the word "Spinster". If we are going to be looked at as Spinsters, it's going to a positive word for ALL Spinsters!!!
Dellany and Heather
aka
2 hopeful spinsters
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