Spinsterlicious...And Dreading the Holidays?

I got a call the other day from a Favorite Reader who was feeling down about being single...primarily because she was feeling really lonely.  As we talked, it became clear that this feeling of loneliness wasn't completely about being single.  She was really missing her family and feeling frustrated about being disconnected from them.  She isn't close to her siblings (her parents are dead) and she was dreading the coming holiday season which is usually rife with family celebrations.  Moreover, she also mentioned that she had begun to spend more and more time at home, "hermit-like" as she called it.  Being a hermit could certainly prompt some loneliness.  I think she needs to (re)build a few relationships with people she likes to spend time with.

When I hung up the phone, I continued to think about why being single mostly works for me.  Among other things (like I don't want to be with the same person all the dang time),  I think one of the most important things that  help me to have a good life is my full and varied circle of friends and acquaintances.  I have lots of different kinds of people in my life and different types of relationships.  Men and women.  Varying ages.  Different personalities.

One of the downsides of being single --for me-- is sometimes wanting someone to do something with me…go somewhere with me…metaphorically hold-my-hand in an uncomfortable situation...or just keep me company.  If he lived in my house, the fairytale is that he'd always be available for these things and I would actually want him to do them with me.  But this is real life, so…

So, I have a range of other people to choose from.  Some are people I see only a few times a year.  We're not super close but we enjoy each other and it's always fun to catch up over a meal or some event.  Then there are my "activity partners": people who have the same interest as I do in something and we pretty much only get together when we're doing that specific activity.  For example, I have a try-out-new-restaurants friend and that's what we do together; and there's a woman I hang out with every summer.  She and I both like browsing art festivals and passing through obscure free concerts.  That's pretty much the only time I see her.  It works.  I have a cadre of guy friends --some of them are my exes but some are not.  They're good for a dinner date, as an escort when I want one, or just because I enjoy their company.   My closest friends are what I call "all-the-time people", meaning they're good anytime.

The holidays are coming and holidays would be tough if I didn't have a loving network of people around me.  I often host Thanksgiving for what I call my "straggler" friends:  it includes single people, those who can't or don't want to get with their family, people whose plans changed at the last minute, and couples without children.  (I have to draw the line somewhere).  Christmas I go to DC to spend it with my family.  But there's always what to do about New Year's Eve.  I never want to spend it alone, but I don't always want a big party either.  When when I have a beau, I spend it with him.   When I don't, it's with  cool friends whose company I really enjoy.  I won't spend New Year's Eve with people who aren't special to me.  That's not how I want to bring in the New Year.

Friends matter because I really don't think we're necessarily supposed to go through life alone.  I just don't think it's much fun to have to do it with the same person all the time, either.

How do you keep your mojo during the holidays?



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