Today's Spinsterlicious guest post is from Phyllis, who claims that shopping is her passion. She and I talk often about shopping, buying, and needing vs. wanting…and why and how any of it matters.
In her own words:
When is enough too much? I love clothes shopping but, at my age, there isn't anything I really need… just things I want. I want to save more money and have a plan to do so. But then I'll see something in the store and I want it. To combat this, I made another plan: stay out of stores. If I don’t see it, I can’t want it. (The staying-out-of-stores plans hasn't worked so well, as you'll see in a minute.)
I see fashionistas in my day-to-day travels. I oftentimes like and want what they have on. From time to time I've even stopped a woman whose outfit I admire and asked “where did you get that?” A few times I found the exact item and bought it. Even when I'm told that the item came from another country or from seasons past, that didn't necessarily stop me from trying to find it. There were times when I spent days and weeks looking for a copy or a similar piece. Now, mind you, all of this effort has been for something that I know I don’t need.
Where do I draw the line? How do I talk myself into admitting I don't need it? That I should just leave it alone?
On the other hand, I'm no longer married and don't have any kids so my money really is my own. I can do with it whatever I want without worrying about how it will impact someone else. And I have decided it's okay to want to be happy now. What's this rainy day I'm saving for? So what if I didn’t save as much last month. What I tell myself is "I had fun and it made me feel good". That is, until the bill comes. Then, the more mature conversation I have with myself is "Listen, you don’t need things to make you feel good. Just wear what you already have and enjoy it." And then there's the response: "Well, what if I die soon and didn’t have that little guilty pleasure of wearing that cute and sexy dress to that last affair?".
Even the simplest of things can give me a happy feeling. Cologne or bath products or even a t-shirt. I went shopping recently to buy some yoga apparel (which I really do need). Then I saw a cute coat. I really liked it. I started to think about all the outerwear that I already own and realized that I don't have a basic, “street length” coat in my inventory… and there was a great sale going on…so I talked myself into it. I left the store with something I needed (the yoga apparel) and something I just wanted (the coat). I sure hope I don’t regret it.
Not too long after that, I called my sister and asked her to “talk me into or out of" the purchase of a NorthFace jacket I had just seen. I knew I didn’t need it but it was so cute and would be good for running errands and going to and from the gym. She told me "No" and I agreed, so I am now without a cute little black quilted jacket.
I wish there were a litmus test for fashion shopping. Does anyone have a foolproof trick for determining what to buy and what not? I’d like to hear it. I know I can't take it with me, but I can sure enjoy it while I'm here.
If Phyllis had a daughter, perhaps she could leave some of these goodies to her. But she doesn't. I wonder if she'll consider passing some to us? In the meantime, what tips can you share?
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3 comments:
Phyllis, I think most First World women would say "I hear ya" to this one. Sadly, my current wardrobe is full of mistakes, and the other day, as summer hit with a vengeance, I realised I owned about 3 items I actually liked and which wouldn't annoy me in the heat. This happened because I was tired from shopping and impatiently and impulsively bought items from boutiques that were cut-price and not ideal.
I think the best approach is to avoid doing that and mostly stick to quality classics or unique looks that won't age as quickly, so we can get years of wear out of them. At our age, it's a classier look anyway. I made a rare trip to Sydney's casino The Star on Saturday night and was amazed to see hundreds of young girls squeezed into the tiniest bandage-style dresses and 8-inch heels and spray tans. I felt like a huge frump in my black maxi dress, but any other time I love that dress and it'll last me years. I couldn't wear their barely-there gear anyway, could I?! And my, would I have been uncomfortable considering the gaming room has no actual seating anywhere, so as to encourage you to do nothing but bet, not sit.
And sure, as spinsters we're at liberty to spend as we please, but I now deeply regret all the wasted money I threw at stuff I don't really use. And that trip to the casino.
And yeah, throw some of that unloved stuff my way! xxx
We've all experienced what Phyllis describes so well, shopping for things we don't really need. Retail transactions satisfy so many cravings: the pure desire for a shiny compact, a smart new coat, self-enhancement. And that feels good, no question.
Looked at another way, buying things may also be about power and control. Sounds farfetched, I know, but work with me here a minute.
Like many of us, so many aspects of life are out of our control, anxiety producing and not easily unresolved. Health questions, relationships, work matters, the state of the world, to cite some of the most common concerns.
When we go into a store and buy something, it gives a sense of action, satisfaction, and closure, all with the swipe of a credit card. Few experiences offer a more powerful, fulfilling sense than shopping. One leaves behind all the unfinished business, nagging questions, and lack of clear direction, and walks out with a brand new, shiny something.
Phyllis, you are not alone. Many of us seek fulfillment/power where we can and often it is in retail transactions. As I grow, I am trying to avoid what I now recognize as the easy fix and to be more cautious in pursuit of the quick high.
Sometimes recognition of the issue helps put it all in perspective.
Sometimes shopping is a way of filling the hole of emptiness and loneliness. It doesn't work for most of us but there's not harm in trying.
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