Being Spinsterlicious is a state of mind. It doesn't mean "you should be single", but the fact is you are. Maybe just for the time being or maybe forever, but while you are, you oughta live a full life. Nobody wants to look back over their life and see all the things they missed because they didn't have someone to do them with.
I have a little bit of that. I'm not really good in social settings where I don't know everybody; I can be a little awkward, but I'm less awkward if I can attach myself to someone. But I don't always have someone to attach myself to, so sometimes I'd just stay home…but I'm trying to get over that. I'm learning to just do it (sorry, Nike).
I love eating out. I love good food, ordinary stuff and ethnic foods and interesting combinations/fusions, fancy restaurants and mom-and-pop holes-in-the-wall and all kinds of places in between. Eating out is one of my favorite activities. But there was a time when I wouldn't go to a restaurant by myself. I felt like I needed someone to talk to, and I didn't know what to do with myself while waiting for the food to arrive. The notion of taking something to read seemed stupid because it didn't feel natural (though I have done it). It felt like I was announcing to the room "I'm not really comfortable eating here alone so please excuse me while I use this book as a prop".
I finally got over it because I travel a lot for business. Plus, it was cramping my style…if only in my head. I don't like to let my fears get the best of me…unless it's a fear of something important…like bears, but I digress. Anyway, despite the fact that I really love ordering room service, sometimes I wanted to see the city I was visiting and try out the local food. Staying in my hotel room to eat seemed like a waste of a city visit. So here's how I learned to eat out alone and love it (or, at least, not mind it).
First, I decide what I'm in the mood for. Not the food. Not yet. What I mean is whether I'm in the mood for company or not. If I am, I look for one of two things: a restaurant with a good bar menu -or- one with communal tables. This can easily be found out on any of the online rating sites --like Yelp--, a restaurant guide --like Zagat-- or you can call a restaurant directly or ask a friend for a referral. Eating at the bar or a communal table gives you the option of chatting with the people nearby, and the talk can be as small or large as you (and your new dinner companion) want because there's really no expectation.
If I'm not in the mood for company, I can move quickly to step #2.
#2. What kind of atmosphere do I want? Casual? Hip and lively? Quiet and low-key? Formal? Romantic? Probably not romantic. Usually not formal, either. I find that formal restaurants aren't that much fun eating at alone. I always feel like the stuffy staff think they're wasting a perfectly good table on my single a**. Maybe it's my imagination…but maybe not.
#3. So once I've decided "people or not" and the right atmosphere, then I think about what I want to eat. That's the easy part.
Interestingly, though I learned to like eating out alone when I was traveling, it took me a little longer to be comfortable eating out alone in my own city. I would feel self-conscious, like if someone I knew saw me eating alone they would think I didn't have any friends. Then there's the thing where they might invite me to join them, not because they desired my company (though they should), but because they felt sorry for me. Fortunately I got over that, too. Now I just go…after all, I am Spinsterlicious.
What about you? How do you feel about eating out alone? Any tips for other Readers who aren't quite there yet?
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11 comments:
Thanks for the great tips. I generally have no problems dining solo. In fact, I frequently feel sad for the couples (and there's always at least one) sitting at yonder table looking glum, awkward with nothing to say to each other. You're left no choice but to mentally fill in the conversation for them. Cafes, casual dining, never a problem for me at all. However, I agree fine dining is a no-go. I once dined solo at a fancy-pants restaurant in Melbourne because it was across from my new digs and I was curious. NEVER AGAIN! The staff treated me like I'd just been told I have cancer. "Are you sure you're ok?" every five minutes. Pitying looks. It was as unpleasant as the time I tried to have a solo "holiday" on the Gold Coast. There are, sadly, some things in life that are best done with company. Luckily I now live in a suburb packed with fantastic Vietnamese and Thai eateries, and many are actually designed for communal eating. Get 'em in, get 'em out - fine by me! Japanese places are the same. The moral of my story is, go Asian and you won't feel conspicuous. Plus you'll get a great feed at half the price.
telling you the truth, i enjoy eating alone. i used to be so self -conscious about it but a few months ago, i realized i love it. the peace and quiet, the no need to talk, relax all alone. i do read while i wait for my food but afterward, i just relax and eat. my tip is to do it. start with a book. trust me, i dont think much people really care that you are alone. they are too busy enjoying themselves. do it once, twice and you will not stop.
Great post on a great topic. I used to hate eating alone, but really, once I got over my (probably society-induced) hesitation, I actually ended up loving it. I can go to whatever restaurant I feel like without having to worry about dragging someone to some place they end up not liking. Honestly, one of the things that will kill my mood faster than anything is a droning discussion on where to go. When you're by yourself, you skip that or at least it only happens in your head!
I went to Cancun alone a couple of years ago and ate at this beautiful French restaurant by the ocean. When I walked in, the hostess refused to give me a table overlooking the water saying they were for couples only. I insisted and the manager promptly came over and gave me the best table available and apologized for her insensitivity. The waiter then came over with rose petals and spread them all around me and my table. He lit a candle and asked me for my order. I had a wonderful night and meal, but I was sad that it took a wise Manager to get this done. The truth is I prefer to eat accompanied by someone, even if it's a child. I know this is not Spinsterlicious but it's honest. I do appreciate your blog very much.
I travel and eat out alone all the time. I am always full of dread beforehand and then once I am there, I don't know what I was so freaked about. I always have something to read with me. Maybe it is a crutch but that NY Mag crossword puzzle isn't going to fill itself in. And it is a good intro to people - "Excuse me? Do you know a 4 letter word for audacious?"
Sheality
@Janine: Isn't it weird to see those couples who look bored out of their minds. I often wonder why one of them didn't just stay home.
@Rhona, LisaLyn and Jen/Sheality: Love your attitude!
You give a lot of good advice there.
I'm not all that comfortable eating out alone but I think there's something to be said about finding your local spot(s) where you love the food and becoming somewhat of a regular. I love my two local spots, it's like they say in the theme song for cheers.
`you know you want to go where everybody knows your name. . . .'
At my regular spots I've come to know other regulars as well as the bartenders and other staff and I feel totally comfortable hanging out by myself. That's a cool thing!
I've always had a hard time eating alone in a restaurant, and like you, have traveled for business and didn't want room service.
I choose restaurants with communal tables, or where I can eat at the bar.
Also, I've learned to ask the hotel concierge's recommendation and more than once s/he has called a local place where they know the manager and told them that I'd be there alone and to take good care of me. I found this helps me get a warm welcome and a nice table.
I travel alone to Paris a few times a year and so many Parisians dine alone, especially for lunch, so I can now do it at lunchtime there. I generally chose a table either outdoors if weather permits, or indoors by the window, and do some people watching while I dine. I find this to be an excellent way to be comfortable at the table alone.
I'm married but I travel often on business. No way am I missing out on the local cuisine because I'm dining alone. The only thing I can't stand is when the host or hostess says "is it just you" or "only one tonight?" Yeah, it's just me - get over it!
One of my favorite alone activities is going to a movie. My husband doesn't like them and I don't like going with people who want to talk while the movie is showing. Last week 'The Help', today 'One Day'. Both fabulous movies and I didn’t have to share my popcorn.
http://sheality.wordpress.com/
A journal can also be a great thing to bring w/ you - when I'm traveling alone I find that restaurant time is really handy for catching up on my adventures or even the more mundane tasks of things-to-do lists, etc.
And unlined journals are great because they're easier to doodle & draw in! I've been known to post up at a bar, enjoy the music, have a few, and detail whatever scene is in front of me. Yea, I'm kind of a seasoned loner ;)
Great site!
@OakViolin: I have a good friend who also uses this time to journal her travels (and other thoughts).
@Everybody: Really appreciate your input. I've received a few emails from readers who don't like to post comments thanking us for the tips!
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