Here's why you should. He knows you...may even understand you, and most importantly, he's already seen you when you weren't at your best. There's often a comfort level and certain quiet fondness that's still there that may not exist --yet-- with the New Guy.
So when I needed someone to pick me up from my colonoscopy, I asked my Ex-, not the guy I'd just started dating who was still in that phase where he thought I was close to perfect. There was no reason whatsoever for him to know that I even have bowels and a colon at that fresh place in our relationship. The Ex has already seen the less-than-perfect side...plus who cares what he thinks anyway?
Another thing the Ex is good for? Helping me flip my mattress. I can't really do it by myself, yet the New Guy shouldn't be doing that, either. It's too much like the ordinariness of domestic life and it may scare both of us off. Shouldn't be doing that while it's still new.
Being single requires one to be resourceful. Old Boyfriends are good resources, so one should always aim for a clean breakup. He may come in handy one day.
What about you? Tell me about the time(s) where you've found an old boyfriend to be the right solution.
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4 comments:
I absolutely believe in being friends with ex-boyfriends --all but one--but that's another book for another time. I don't think it's weird. I agree completely that he has seen the best and worse but also that if you once loved (or really liked) someone that doesn't go away because the relationship didn't work out. There's a reason you were together. I'm married and while I don't need someone to do the things you mentioned, I do still want to have good relations with exs--do we hang out? No. Talk on the phone? Not much, but there are generally good feelings and memories that are important to maintain. When we run into each other, it's all good and also, a tiny flirtation is good for the soul.
This is from many years ago, before I was married....
A former boyfriend and I had broken up right after the new year. Neither of us had done anything bad or nasty to the other one, we just realized that we weren't going to make it in the long haul as we had too many different pov's that were taking their toll on our happiness together.
We broke up sometime the first week of January, and while we were both sad, it was respectful and the right thing to do. My birthday is in January, and we originally had plans for a birthday dinner at the pricey Cafe des Artistes, which I assumed he cancelled. He called me a few days after the breakup and said that he figured I didn't have plans for my birthday, and he'd still like to take me there for a birthday dinner. I was kind of in shock, especially since one of our issues was money spent in expensive restaurants - I believe in it, he didn't.
We had a really wonderful evening, he even bought me a gift. We never saw each other again after that, and just last year I ran into him. We're both now married, and we made a lunch date for the following week. It was great to catch up and I told him how much it meant to me that even though we weren't right for one another, he showed incredible sensitivity and class by taking me out for my birthday two weeks after our breakup.
He thanked me for even remembering, and just said, "It was the right thing to do, you're a wonderful woman. We just weren't wonderful together."
So while I've never called him to pick me up from a doctor's appt or turn my mattress over, my guess it that he would have if I needed him to. However, there was an ex I asked to help me move apartments when I was still single, and he did, with a smile.
If you date quality people, they're still quality when it's over.
Interesting, good points, all. Friendship, cordial conversation is great. Ex-boyfriends can give great advice and can be bigger gossips than your girlfriends, it's hilarious, really. Depends on the ex, and marital status of both parties when it comes to doctor's appointments, mattresses, etc.
@Benilde: "all but one?". Hmmm. When will we see that book?
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