I'm headed to my family home for the first time since my 89 year old father passed away. I was here a month ago to bury him. As I am flying, readying myself for the flood of emotions I will experience as I pull up to the house, I take out my iPod and listen to two songs over and over again; “No One” by Alicia Keys, and “Here I am Lord” by Robert Kochis. I realize after about 20 minutes of stopping and starting the iPod, rejecting other songs that want to be heard, that each of these songs represents the first and last songs I added to my playlist.
Both are comforting for very different reasons that are so difficult to understand, much less explain, and both songs make me want to cry for very different reasons. “No One”, by Alicia, the first song I purchased years ago when this device was new, speaks to the love I feel for my husband, the love of my life for nearly thirty years. My husband who still cracks me up with his wicked sense of humor and whom I miss the moment we are apart. The man whose body I know and love as much as much as my own.
And “Here I Am Lord” was the first hymn sung at my dad’s funeral. My dad was so dedicated to doing what was asked of him. My mom died when my youngest brother was 12; so he was our mother and father for the past 40 years. He was an unselfish man who did what was required of him by my mother, by life circumstances and by God.
So the amazingly strong emotion I feel at losing my dad, by my account the greatest dad any woman has ever had, is as overwhelming as the love I feel for my husband.
That thought brings it home, Eleanore. Being single in your fifties I think might be fun, but I can’t imagine going through this profound loss and managing these feelings of grief without having the love, support and comfort of my husband. I have friends whom I love and who care about me, but my husband is my best friend and I wouldn’t trade him or my marriage to him for anything in this world. Spinsterlicious I am not!
What a lovely tribute to Felicia's husband and father. I agree that no girl would want to go through the loss of her beloved dad alone. When my dad died a few years ago, I was fortunate to have the love and support of my boyfriend. Felicia has a really good marriage; not everybody does. A loving, supportive relationship isn't exclusive to marriage. At any rate, Felicia should be thanking me because I hooked her up with her hubby!
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2 comments:
Felicia, a beautiful tribute to your husband and Dad. Although you say you can't imagine going thru the profound loss of your Dad without your loving husband's support, and maybe you couldn't have, but you should not be surprised to know that there are those of us who did not and do not have the love of a good husband but also make it thru great loss. I believe in the old adage, "where there's a will, there's a way." Keep the marriage going strong.
Your comment to Eleanore that being single in her 50's might be fun but you have the love and comfort of your husband during crisis seemed insensitive. The stand alone comment on being thankful that you have a good marriage and a supportive husband is fine on it's own; it's the part inferring a single woman doesn't have the love and support during a traumatic family ordeal is the part that troubles me. Being single does not necessarily deprive one of good, tender loving and caring individuals in her/his life anymore than being married promises all these things. Maybe you are just lucky.
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