Getting Thru Winter on 5 Fashion Basics

Following is a "re-play" of an article I wrote for Women's Voices for Change . Every week, they run an article on fashion. It was my turn this week:


I'm often complimented on my appearance. I love that—especially because praise for my style seems so odd to me. Because I really don’t love fashion. My sister is a fashionista. She loves fashion shows in real life and on TV; she loves fashion magazines, fashion models, fashiony people walking down the street, and I think she thinks Anna Wintour might be God.

I, on the other hand, have no use for any of those things. I like to look good, but I pretty much wear the same clothes over and over. I 'm a Basics kinda gal. My close friends know this about me and forgive me. People who don't know me that well have no way of knowing that I've worn the same outfit (or a version of it) three times in the same week.

I've gotten through this winter with five basic pieces that are serving me well. Actually only two of them are winter-y. The others are good all the time. So here they are, in order from least to most interesting (to me, anyway):


• White Brooks Brothers no-iron button-down dress shirts. I have about 10 of them. They go with just about everything, tucked and untucked, with pearls, pretty colorful scarves, and fun costume jewelry. I wear them with jeans, slacks, leather pants, pencil skirts...but mostly jeans or leggings.

• Standard-issue black leggings. With boots, heels, flats. Paired with a basic white shirt (see above) or any of a number of longish sweaters. When you wear leggings, a different pair of shoes makes a whole new outfit, as far I'm concerned.





• Norma Kamali peplum down coat. It's light as a feather and warm, warm, warm. Plus it's chic, so it dresses up the whole outfit. Most people who see me in it have no idea that underneath it I’m wearing something as boring as leggings and a white shirt.






• Leopard print thigh-high boots by Sam Edelman. I love, love, love these boots. They dress up, they dress down. (Although how could thigh-high leopard print boots ever really be dressed-down?) They work with dresses, leggings, and tucked-in jeans. I've had restaurant hostesses and women on the street stop me to ask me how they can get a pair. I plan to wear them until they fall apart.





• And these crazy gold metallic jeans by Joe Fresh. The first time I wore them was to the Jay-Z and Kanye West concert in November. Made me feel a little less like the oldest chick in the stadium. These are my party jeans. I understand that some fashion maven somewhere is thinking right now, "Well, those aren't really for winter; they'd be much more suitable for spring and summer.” But I don't care. I wear them whenever I want.






The fact that I am such a lazy dresser has caused problems in my relationships with men from time to time. Even though they think I look good in what I’m wearing (or so they say), they get tired of seeing me in the same stuff over and over. There's a really easy solution for that. I'm happy to wear whatever they decide to gift me with. I don't want to have to think too much about what I wear, but if he wants to do something about it, I'm usually game. Problem solved.



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Making Single Sexy and Fun

Helen Gurley Brown turned 90 this past February 18.  I discovered her when I was a teenager and became an instant fan. She was a woman ahead of her time; I hadn't heard another woman with her message. I was certainly familiar with (and appreciative of) feminists who were trying to empower us, but Helen was coming at it from a whole 'nother angle:  it's okay for a woman to be single, and really ok for her to have and enjoy sex, to have fun, to have a full life.  I didn't know anybody else who was saying this quite that way.  

I bought her book, Sex and the Single Girl, and read it at night after I went to bed so my mother wouldn't catch me with it.  Helen was 40 when she wrote the book so she wasn't some young, flighty girl being wistfully naive.  This woman had lived.  She went on to showcase her perspective as editor of Cosmopolitan magazine for 32 years.

Katie Roiphe wrote an article in Slate magazine acknowledging HGB's birthday and celebrating her accomplishments.

From the article: "It has now been 50 long and eventful years since the publication of Helen Gurley Brown’s feminist classic, Sex and the Single Girl, in which she made the groundbreaking observation: “I think a single woman’s biggest problem is coping with the people who are trying to marry her off.”  

True then, still true.  But I'm trying to do my part to help chip away at this notion that a woman must be married to have real worth.  I certainly know this "you must marry" sentiment has softened since she wrote this book…but it hasn't softened enough.  Just last week I patiently explained to my new doctor how it was possible that I was "really ok" without a husband or kids.  He said he couldn't understand how a woman could feel that way.   And he's only 40, so I can't even blame it on him having grown up in a different time.  I like him, though, so I teasingly reminded him that it's the 21st century and the old rules don't apply.  I hope I gave him something to think about.

Anyway, happy belated birthday to Helen Gurley Brown and many thanks to her for helping enlighten me as a teenager.  I'm hoping that one day some young girl will say the same thing about my book --The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree--which will be out on March 15.  I can only hope.

How did you come to the conclusion that being single is ok?  Or have you?


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Are Single People Happier?

As you probably know, talking about living alone/being alone/being single is hot right now.  It seems that not a day goes by that I don't see or hear this topic being discussed on TV, in newspapers and magazines, and all over the Twitterverse. Sometimes it's discussed in a way that I appreciate: affirming, celebratory even.  Still, too many times the tone still borders on "what's wrong with them".  (I'm doing my part to change this.)

Recently, The Washington Post  conducted a survey and ran an article about living alone, and I found the results of the survey to be thought-provoking.  

There were two questions that really jumped out at me. The first one was "At this point in your life, do you want to get married?"

65% said "they would if they're in love with the person", and 30% said "nah, I like being single".  I wish I knew if the "I prefer to be single" people are primarily women or men.  Just curious…

I participated in this survey and didn't really know how to answer this question.  I don't even remember what I chose, but I do know that I wanted to do a combination of the first two choices that would go something like this: "I like being single, but wouldn't mind a long-term boyfriend."  I've always liked having a boyfriend, but I want him to go home from time to time...so marriage would be tricky.

But I did a double-take at the 4% who said they want to be married even if they don't fall in love with the person!  Wow.  I'd like to know a lot more about this one.  I get that a lot of people want the companionship…but being married to and sharing my life and house with someone I'm not in love with feels like a special kind of hell to me.  Yikes!  

The other question I liked was "How happy is your life compared to that of people who are married or in long-term relationships?"

41% said they didn't think there was much difference.  This might be the true-est answer because it's really very individual and varies from person to person and relationship to relationship. 

33% of the Singles think they're happier (22% somewhat happier, 11% much happier).  I fall in this group but, again, I want to tweak the options.  I think people in long-term relationships --especially if they don't live in the same house-- are happier than married people, so it's hard for me to think of married people and long-term-relationship people as the same.  So…I would have said "I'm somewhat happier" compared to married people and "no difference" to those in long-term relationships.  And, honestly, I don't know if married people are less happy than I am, but I do know that they seem to complain an awful lot.

25% said they think married people are happier than they are (19% said Marrieds are somewhat happier and 6% said much happier.)

So, I'm curious to know how you feel.  Please take the survey on the top right of this pageand then elaborate on your response in the Comments section below.  I'll write about the results in an upcoming post.

NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop. They make a statement... and a great gift! 

And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

A Woman and Her Six Husbands

The other day, I saw a guy on TV who was promoting his new book, "The Six Husbands Every Woman Should Have."  I stopped what I was doing to have a look and listen.  Geez, if I'd known I should have six husbands, marriage might have been more appealing to me.  It was the whole finding-one-and-till-death-do-us-part thing that tripped me up.

I quickly learned that, unfortunately,  he did not mean a woman should have six different husbands.  Instead, what he meant was that a man has to evolve to adapt to the changes in his life over the years and there are apparently six such phases…and that he becomes a different man with each change.  I actually think it's probably an exaggeration that he becomes a different man over the years…or that he even changes that many times.  But, I get it.  No doubt it sells books.  Just like I stopped doing what I was doing to watch, I'm sure many others did, too.  If I was married, I might even have picked up the book.

But let's go back to my original thought.  What if every woman did actually have six husbands in her lifetime?  How much more fun would that be!  A lot, I think.  Working out the finances and housing and kids and other details would probably be complicated but if six-husbands-per-woman became the norm, I'm sure someone would figure out how to make it do-able…and not too much of a headache.

So what do y'all think:  Is six husbands better than one…or none?


NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop. They make a statement... and a great gift! 


 And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

Dating Young. How Low Can You Go?

So Demi and Ashton are finished.  They hung in there for six years which is about 4 more than I thought they would.  She's 16 years older than he is.  I wish I had faith in these kinds of relationships, but I don't.  Not for marriage.  I think she should have kept him for a Boy Toy for a year or two and then let it go.  Marrying him made him think he was her equal…and he's not.  And, well, you see how he behaved once he got comfortable.

I'm all for dating younger men, but I think there should be a few rules.

For women, anybody more than 10 years younger should probably be considered a fling…even a longish fling, but still a fling.  Men and women are just too different.  I don't think guys do well, long-term, with a woman who's much older.  Of course, if you just want sex and some momentary fun then I don’t think there is such thing as “too young”.  Okay, I take that back;  I’m not Mary Kay Letourneau and I’m not trying to go to jail.  Re-stated:  if you just want sex and some momentary fun, than I think any age over 18 is fine.  Maybe 21…or whatever the legal age is in your state… just to be safe .

But it really has to just be sex and some momentary fun and that really should be all you want.  A grown woman cannot have a real relationship with a man half her age.  Hulk Hogan's ex-wife tried it.  She, in her 50s, dated and was even engaged to a  23-year-old. (He was 19 when they started dating). It didn't last. Celebrities don’t count, though, because they’re already not-like-us.

My rule, in general, has pretty much been 15 years on either end, i.e., 15 years older than me and 15 years younger, giving me a range of men with an age spread of 30 years. (Lots to pick from).   But you know what?  This rule has changed from time to time because it depends on how old I am.  When I was just a young thing, I sometimes went out with guys much, much older:  me, 26; him, 60.  (I know).   I couldn’t have gone 15 years younger because I’d then be writing this from my prison cell.

Now the reverse is true.  I’m still willing to go 15 years younger, but really only 5-8 years older.  A man who’s more than 10 years older than me is kinda old.   And I don’t apologize for that; guys are very open about preferring someone younger…and so am I!

If you want a serious relationship and really want him to be your man, and you’re a woman-of-a-certain age, I think anybody more than 10 years younger than you are could be tricky.  Y’all should at least both remember the original version of the same song; if you remember Diana Ross singing I’m Coming Out, and he only remembers Biggie and Puffy’s version that was sampled in Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems…then I think you could have a problem.  It's good to have the same cultural references.

Here are a few things to think about.  Even though he’s younger, he should be old enough to:

• Have some of the same cultural reference points without you always having to explain
• Have worked long enough to have a career, not just a job.  You should not be taking care of him, financially.  He needs to have his own money
• Have real, hard-bottomed shoes in his wardrobe, not just sneakers
• Understand that he can only go to the club every now and than…unless he’s a DJ
•  Wear a belt with his pants
• Refuse regular motherly advice from you (“shouldn’t you be wearing a sweater, dear”).  If you’re doing that, stop it and find someone old enough to know if he needs a sweater.

Ideally, he has friends in a wide age range so you don't always look/feel like the chaperone when you're out with his friends.

If he's divorced and/or has a kid, I think that's a plus.  That way he has a little more experience at a grown-up relationship...maybe.

One summer day while walking my dog in a nearby park, I was approached by a young guy.  It was clear that he was super young (of legal age, though), but he was also a real cutie and I was in a good mood.  We chatted a bit, he played with my dog, and then bought me a drink at the nearby concession stand.  I thought it was all rather fun and amusing...until he compared one of my comments to a similar reference by his mother (who, I quickly learned, was actually younger than me!)   Note to young guys trying to pick up older women: keep your mom out of it.

Dating younger men can make you feel young and put a definite bounce in your step (and let’s not forget the s-e-x), but be reasonable.  If you want him to stick around for a long time, choose wisely:  the image of him pushing you in your wheelchair just isn’t attractive.

Did I miss anything?  How do you know if he’s too young?


NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop. They make a statement... and a great gift! 




 And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!