The Old Boyfriend(s)

A good (married) friend of mine often teases me about still being friends with most of my Old Boyfriends.  She thinks it's weird;  actually, lots of people do.  I think it's practical.

Here's why you should.  He knows you...may even understand you, and most importantly, he's already seen you when you weren't at your best.  There's often a comfort level and certain quiet fondness that's still there that may not exist --yet-- with the New Guy.

So when I needed someone to pick me up from my colonoscopy, I asked my Ex-, not the guy I'd just started dating who was still in that phase where he thought I was close to perfect.  There was no reason whatsoever for him to know that I even have bowels and a colon at that fresh place in our relationship.   The Ex has already seen the less-than-perfect side...plus who cares what he thinks anyway?

Another thing the Ex is good for? Helping me flip my mattress. I can't really do it by myself, yet the New Guy shouldn't be doing that, either.  It's too much like the ordinariness of domestic life and it may scare both of us off.   Shouldn't be doing that while it's still new.

Being single requires one to be resourceful.  Old Boyfriends are good resources, so one should always aim for a clean breakup.  He may come in handy one day.

What about you?  Tell me about the time(s)  where you've found an old boyfriend to be the right solution.


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My Summer To-Do List

I’m pretty sure I have some form of Adult ADD.  I’ve worked hard to control/hide it because, well, who wants to have ADD?  I’m also pretty sure that if Ritalin or Adderal existed when I was a kid, I would have been a user.  Fortunately, I don’t think ADD existed as a diagnosis when I was kid, they weren't an option.  At any rate, one of the ways I manage it is by writing everything down.  On any given day, I have a list or two of things I need to do, people I should call, stuff I should think about.  I don’t always do everything on the list, but there is always a list.

   So, it was very fitting and normal that I made a “10 Things I Need To Do, Summer 2011" list back in, oh, about April.  Here’s my opportunity to revisit the list, see how much little I’ve accomplished, and in this age of over-sharing, make it public.

1.  Visit Idaho.  I kicked off my summer by visiting my friend, Linden, at his ranch in Idaho over Memorial Day Weekend.  He sold his Upper East Side pad and bought a 108-acre ranch in what seems to me to be the middle of nowhere.  I thought he might be a little nuts to do this (it’s a long way from everywhere and 108 acres is a lot of land) but I’m so glad he is.  It was a glorious trip to a part of the country I don’t know a lot about.  It was so good that I’m trying to make it a yearly trip. (He doesn’t know this, yet).  Status: Completed

2.  Develop an exercise regimen.  It’s funny; I haven’t actually gained much weight, but it seems the weight I already have has shifted.  For the first time, I have a gut and I’m not happy about that.  So, I’ve started running again … something my doctor and knees told me in 2001 I probably shouldn’t do anymore.  So, I’m not actually running.  I’m doing a pathetic run-walk routine to ease the pounding on my knees, and it’s a little annoying because I want to run, but much better than not doing much at all. Technically, I could mark this Completed because I did develop an exercise regimen. Part Two of this task should include “sticking to it” … which I’m kinda working on.

3.  Find a publisher for my smart, funny, delightful book, The Spinsterlicious Life.  This is really a wish more than anything else because I’m finding it more difficult than I expected. I’m going to leave it at that because I get cranky when I think about it too much.  Status: Not Completed

4.  Spend a week in Martha’s Vineyard.  Not yet, but soon.  House is rented, ferry is booked, excitement is brewing.  Hurry up, August.  Status:  Almost Completed

5.  Launch a T-shirt line, in support of my as-yet-unpublished book, and blog of the same name.  This is a new venture for me and a whole new area that I know nothing about.  I’m working with a T-shirt designer who’s got some great ideas and I’m really excited. I’m crossing my fingers that we’ll actually launch this summer, but at least I’ve gotten started.

6.  Set up The Highline as my office annex. I love The Highline.  It’s a beautiful park high in the sky (for a park), made from miles and miles of old and unused railroad tracks.  It’s so New York.  I want to be there all the time.  I guess I can’t actually make it my official office, but since I work from home I can pretty much work from anywhere so I’m spending more and more time there.  I need to figure out a way to shut out the background noise when I’m on the phone; clients don’t believe I’m actually working.  Status: Still Thinking About It

7.  Decide whether to let the New Guy go — or — put a little more effort into making him want to stay.  I’m pretty close to a decision here.  I'm not that into it and my gut’s telling me it’s not right. I’ve learned it’s usually smart to go with my gut.  Status:  Close to Completed

8.  Finalize my Western Road Trip plans.  Yay!  I’m super-excited about this.  In October, three of us (and our dogs) are taking a road trip out West. We’re flying to Mount Rushmore, ending at the Grand Canyon, and stopping at lots of great places along the way, like Yellowstone Park, Devils Tower, Crazy Horse Monument … and wherever else strikes our fancy.  We need to put a few more details in place, and I should be working on that.  Status:  Not Yet...But Soon

9.  Add at least one new client to my roster.  I'm happy about this one.  Status: Completed.

10.  See how many different summer cocktails I can discover.  I’m having a lot of fun with this one. You get it, right?  Status:  Ongoing.

What about you?  What fun outings do you have planned for this summer?



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My Very Cool New Logo

So...I finally got a logo.   A logo that, I hope, graphically depicts what The Spinsterlicious Life means to me.

 What do y'all think?  Before I go all-the-way-live with it, I'd love your feedback:

1. Do you like it?
2. What does it say to you?  What do you see, feel, think when you see it?
3. What three words describe the way you think about it?
4. Do you relate to it?  Why...or Why Not?

Best answers get a great, big virtual hug from me!  

Many thanks to Maiko Suzuki  for doing the design work!

NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  Don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!

Is A Mother A Safer Bet Than I Am?

There is a horrible story that's been in the NY news lately about a  man who killed an 8-year-old boy who stopped and asked him for directions.  This has spurred many conversations about how to keep children safe. We want kids to grow up with a sense of independence, while also understanding that there is real danger out there...and there's, unfortunately, no fool-proof way to know what danger looks like.  Levi Aron, the guy who killed this dear boy, looks harmless, as far as I can tell. 


I was struck, though, by this letter from a NYTimes reader who advised that parents should tell kids to "look for a mom". 

My first thought was, well, what does that look like?   How would a kid know if a woman is a mother?  So I assume she meant a woman who has kids with her...but then does that include nannies?  


I think hope that what she clumsily was trying to say is that women (not moms) kill less than men, so we're probably a safer bet.  But coming off the Casey Anthony trial, I was struck by the irony of her thinking.  Safety isn't guaranteed just because a woman is a mother. (See Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, Frances Elaine Newton,  ad nauseum).

Ok, so those women all killed their own kids so maybe this logic doesn't apply.  But then  --just to name two I recall-- there's Melissa Huckaby and Genene Jones...moms who, sadly, killed other people's kids. 




So where am I going with this?  Off on a bit of a tangent, but one that circles back to the annoyance I feel at the pervasive belief that there's something about being a mother that's just better. 


So this is a public service rant, on behalf of all my child-free sisters.   I'm just doing my part to chip away at the notion that being a mom, in and of itself, is a higher status place to be. 




Am I the only one annoyed by this kind of thinking?  






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Is the Drink Just The Beginning?

I'm in the airport lounge waiting for my flight and a nice man just bought me a drink. This happens from time to time, as I mentioned in an earlier post, where I wrote about airport lounges as higher-end meat/meet markets, so to speak. (http://www.thespinsterliciouslife.com/2010/12/airport-meetmeat-market.html). This time, I'm not sure if I should be flattered. Coming off of the DSK news spectacle, Newsweek ran an article (http://www.newsweek.com/2011/06/05/hotel-confidential.html) about the way some men use the business trip as an opportunity to indulge themselves in some different nookie...far enough away from home and the wife that they might not get caught. So, this information sorta changes the whole dynamic. While i used to think that business men were just being friendly when they buy me a drink in the airport lounge --you know, we're both away and maybe missing home and interactions a bit-- now I'm thinking they may be sizing me up as the next temporary conquest.


So now I'm thinking is it something about the way I look...my body language...my outfit that makes him think I'm easy, that I'm game for this type of encounter? A prostitute, even? The article implied that there's a whole underground service industry that meets the needs of these gentlemen. I had no idea. (I wonder how much I would charge? Just kidding. I got a flight to catch). NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please (re)subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom. You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog. (It's a new service; if you registered earlier, you'll have to do it again. Sorry...and Thanks) - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Charleston,SC