...Despite All The Warning Signs

I cracked up when I saw this cartoon in a recent issue of The New Yorker magazine (credit cartoonist, Donnelly).  If only life could be this simple and clear, right!?   It made me chuckle about all the warning signs I ignored missed in some of my past encounters.  Like the guy who managed not to mention that he might not actually be divorced (though he's certainly thinking about it). Or the one who didn't tell me he "goes for the jugular" in any argument, no matter how minor.  Or the one who forgot to mention his serious shoe fetish...and if it's not indulged, he can't "function".  (sigh)

And then I thought, "well, this needn't be limited to dating", because look at all the other times in my life when it would have been so great to know who/what I was really dealing with.  If only these people had their Warning Signs attached to their clothing it would have saved me a headache or two:

• My new roommate who was the most notorious liar I've ever come across.  Among other deceits, she didn't mention her 6-year-old son...until she brought him back for a visit (that didn't end) one month into our roommateship-with-signed-lease.

• The smiley, really irrational Boss Man whose logic trail I just couldn't follow.  (Didn't end on a happy note...although, in a way, it kinda did).

• The neighbor I have to duck because he didn't tell me before I befriended him that he goes on and on and on about not much at all, but always disguised as a really important complaint.

And then I started to think "well, what Warning Signs should I be wearing on my clothes"?  That I don't have a lot of patience?  That's all I'm willing to reveal.  Until everyone starts posting their Warnings, I'm not giving away all of mine, either!

What Warning Signs do you wish you'd seen...known...avoided?

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That Bi***y Friend

I had dinner with a good friend the other day.  I hadn't seen Jean in awhile and it was good to see her.  She was all girly and giddy about some New Guy.  It was cute.  But she was a little anxious, too.  She likes the guy a little lot more than he apparently likes her and it was making her uneasy.   But that's normal; really, how often do two people feel exactly the same about each other at exactly the same time?   She was trying to sort out what to make of it all: is he "just not that into her"  -or-  is she just a little farther along in the relationship right now than he is?   Sometimes it's tough to know right away.

     Except it wasn't at all tough for Jean's friend, Liz.  Liz was sure the guy didn't really like Jean, wasn't going to show for the outing they had scheduled the next day, and was basically going to make a fool of her.  She was also very comfortable expressing this in no uncertain terms.  Liz is married, which she seemed to think was some sort of credential for why she would know for sure what she was talking about.  I don't really know Liz, but I did I know this about her right away: she's not happy with her life right now.


Over the years, I've learned that unhappily married women are often the least patient with and least supportive of their single friends.  Since things aren't all sunshine and flowers in their lives,  one would think they'd be more understanding...but, no.

A woman in a happy marriage usually isn't so quick to put you down or to judge because she knows that she is fortunate that she and her husband have figured it out.  She knows relationships can be tough and she's not going to try to make you feel bad because you're being challenged right now.

Liz's behavior was the opposite of what it should be.  Unhappy Wife could have offered some words of advice on different ways to think about the relationship, given the situation and given the uneven-ness in relationships that she has, no doubt, experienced.  But no, instead, she was determined to rain on Jean's parade...even if it wasn't much of a parade.  And I don't think she's being that good of a friend.  A good friend would handle it differently...be a little softer...perhaps encourage Jean to talk more and think differently.  Liz actually might be right, but her delivery was all wrong.


Then, last night I was sharing this story with a friend. He agreed with me up to a point: his point was that it isn't necessarily the Unhappily Married who are less likely to be supportive, but that it's the Unhappy Person, period.  I conceded that he was  right.  No need to turn this into a Married-vs. Single thing, huh?   It's the "I'm feeling like a bitch" person we want to avoid.



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The Old Boyfriend(s)

A good (married) friend of mine often teases me about still being friends with most of my Old Boyfriends.  She thinks it's weird;  actually, lots of people do.  I think it's practical.

Here's why you should.  He knows you...may even understand you, and most importantly, he's already seen you when you weren't at your best.  There's often a comfort level and certain quiet fondness that's still there that may not exist --yet-- with the New Guy.

So when I needed someone to pick me up from my colonoscopy, I asked my Ex-, not the guy I'd just started dating who was still in that phase where he thought I was close to perfect.  There was no reason whatsoever for him to know that I even have bowels and a colon at that fresh place in our relationship.   The Ex has already seen the less-than-perfect side...plus who cares what he thinks anyway?

Another thing the Ex is good for? Helping me flip my mattress. I can't really do it by myself, yet the New Guy shouldn't be doing that, either.  It's too much like the ordinariness of domestic life and it may scare both of us off.   Shouldn't be doing that while it's still new.

Being single requires one to be resourceful.  Old Boyfriends are good resources, so one should always aim for a clean breakup.  He may come in handy one day.

What about you?  Tell me about the time(s)  where you've found an old boyfriend to be the right solution.


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My Summer To-Do List

I’m pretty sure I have some form of Adult ADD.  I’ve worked hard to control/hide it because, well, who wants to have ADD?  I’m also pretty sure that if Ritalin or Adderal existed when I was a kid, I would have been a user.  Fortunately, I don’t think ADD existed as a diagnosis when I was kid, they weren't an option.  At any rate, one of the ways I manage it is by writing everything down.  On any given day, I have a list or two of things I need to do, people I should call, stuff I should think about.  I don’t always do everything on the list, but there is always a list.

   So, it was very fitting and normal that I made a “10 Things I Need To Do, Summer 2011" list back in, oh, about April.  Here’s my opportunity to revisit the list, see how much little I’ve accomplished, and in this age of over-sharing, make it public.

1.  Visit Idaho.  I kicked off my summer by visiting my friend, Linden, at his ranch in Idaho over Memorial Day Weekend.  He sold his Upper East Side pad and bought a 108-acre ranch in what seems to me to be the middle of nowhere.  I thought he might be a little nuts to do this (it’s a long way from everywhere and 108 acres is a lot of land) but I’m so glad he is.  It was a glorious trip to a part of the country I don’t know a lot about.  It was so good that I’m trying to make it a yearly trip. (He doesn’t know this, yet).  Status: Completed

2.  Develop an exercise regimen.  It’s funny; I haven’t actually gained much weight, but it seems the weight I already have has shifted.  For the first time, I have a gut and I’m not happy about that.  So, I’ve started running again … something my doctor and knees told me in 2001 I probably shouldn’t do anymore.  So, I’m not actually running.  I’m doing a pathetic run-walk routine to ease the pounding on my knees, and it’s a little annoying because I want to run, but much better than not doing much at all. Technically, I could mark this Completed because I did develop an exercise regimen. Part Two of this task should include “sticking to it” … which I’m kinda working on.

3.  Find a publisher for my smart, funny, delightful book, The Spinsterlicious Life.  This is really a wish more than anything else because I’m finding it more difficult than I expected. I’m going to leave it at that because I get cranky when I think about it too much.  Status: Not Completed

4.  Spend a week in Martha’s Vineyard.  Not yet, but soon.  House is rented, ferry is booked, excitement is brewing.  Hurry up, August.  Status:  Almost Completed

5.  Launch a T-shirt line, in support of my as-yet-unpublished book, and blog of the same name.  This is a new venture for me and a whole new area that I know nothing about.  I’m working with a T-shirt designer who’s got some great ideas and I’m really excited. I’m crossing my fingers that we’ll actually launch this summer, but at least I’ve gotten started.

6.  Set up The Highline as my office annex. I love The Highline.  It’s a beautiful park high in the sky (for a park), made from miles and miles of old and unused railroad tracks.  It’s so New York.  I want to be there all the time.  I guess I can’t actually make it my official office, but since I work from home I can pretty much work from anywhere so I’m spending more and more time there.  I need to figure out a way to shut out the background noise when I’m on the phone; clients don’t believe I’m actually working.  Status: Still Thinking About It

7.  Decide whether to let the New Guy go — or — put a little more effort into making him want to stay.  I’m pretty close to a decision here.  I'm not that into it and my gut’s telling me it’s not right. I’ve learned it’s usually smart to go with my gut.  Status:  Close to Completed

8.  Finalize my Western Road Trip plans.  Yay!  I’m super-excited about this.  In October, three of us (and our dogs) are taking a road trip out West. We’re flying to Mount Rushmore, ending at the Grand Canyon, and stopping at lots of great places along the way, like Yellowstone Park, Devils Tower, Crazy Horse Monument … and wherever else strikes our fancy.  We need to put a few more details in place, and I should be working on that.  Status:  Not Yet...But Soon

9.  Add at least one new client to my roster.  I'm happy about this one.  Status: Completed.

10.  See how many different summer cocktails I can discover.  I’m having a lot of fun with this one. You get it, right?  Status:  Ongoing.

What about you?  What fun outings do you have planned for this summer?



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My Very Cool New Logo

So...I finally got a logo.   A logo that, I hope, graphically depicts what The Spinsterlicious Life means to me.

 What do y'all think?  Before I go all-the-way-live with it, I'd love your feedback:

1. Do you like it?
2. What does it say to you?  What do you see, feel, think when you see it?
3. What three words describe the way you think about it?
4. Do you relate to it?  Why...or Why Not?

Best answers get a great, big virtual hug from me!  

Many thanks to Maiko Suzuki  for doing the design work!

NOTE:  If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe in the box on the right -or- if you have a Google Account, you can click on "Follow Me" also on the right, near the bottom.   You'll receive an email each time there's an update to the blog.  Don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!