Benilde was very much against that, telling me that sharing a bed was one of the most intimate parts of marriage…not in a sexual way, but in a pillow talk way. She said “Some of a couple’s most important conversations happen in bed. You can’t sleep in separate rooms”. So I thought “Eff it, then”. That was the only way this was going to happen. I wasn’t giving it serious consideration anyway, but that little chat shut it all the way down.
So, guess what. The other day, I’m watching Oprah and a perfectly lovely couple in their 30s (I’m guessing) announced that they have a happy marriage…and separate bedrooms. They have hidden this from most people because they didn’t want to be judged. People assume that if a couple is sleeping in separate rooms that there’s no sex and no joy. For them, it is quite the opposite and they finally wanted to “come out of the closet” about their sleeping arrangements. They are sure that having separate bedrooms has helped them maintain a strong marriage. I totally get that.
Dr Phil, who was guesting on the show, was squarely in the Benilde camp. He was sure this was not a good idea for similar reasons that Benilde was. Apparently not everybody agrees, though, because 1 in 4 U.S. couples have separate bedrooms.
And dig this: 60% of the new houses that are being built have two master bedrooms. That means lots of married people are acknowledging (and acting on) what I knew years ago. Fortunately, it dawned on me rather quickly that separate bedrooms wasn’t really what I have needed…separate houses was more like it.
What do you think of separate bedrooms for a couple? Help –or- Hurt?
