As I stood in line, I wondered how it was that all of New York City happened to be in this particular store at this particular time? It was ridiculous. I searched my purse to see if I had my iPod so I could at least listen to music to help the time go by faster. I had it, but it was dead. I can never remember to charge the dang thing. So, I’m standing there staring into space trying not to look like the crazy impatient nut that I was feeling like. (There’s something grammatically wrong with that sentence, but I can’t fix it. Work with me).
A few minutes in, I heard a deep voice behind me: “It must be my lucky day to stand in line behind the woman who can rock those boots”. It was a little cheesy but when I turned around I liked the way he looked so I forgave him. I laughed. We struck up a conversation about nothing much and by the time we got to the cash registers I had agreed to have a drink with him. We went to a restaurant about two blocks from the store and drinks turned into dinner because I can’t drink without eating…unless I’m trying to get drunk, which I wasn’t.
He was married with children, which I knew before we left the store but I didn’t mind because he seemed interesting and made me laugh. I assured him I don’t “do” married men (my one hard-and-fast, never-wavered-from rule), and he said he wasn’t looking to be “done” and that he was just killing a little time. And that’s what we did: ate, drank, laughed and had some good spontaneous fun...all because he liked my boots. And that’s why they are this week’s Spinsterlicious "Shoe".
After a couple of hours, we kissed good-bye (on the cheek) and went our separate ways, not even exchanging contact information. Yet a friend of mine felt that what he did was wrong. She said if her husband did that she would feel like he’d cheated on her. I didn’t agree because it seemed pretty innocent to me. What do you think?
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13 comments:
He asked you out. You said yes--drinks and dinner. He's married. If you were his wife, would this be acceptable?
@Anonymous: I honestly don't know the answer to your question. I'm not a wife. I don't see that he did anything wrong: dinner, drinks, laughs. There was no physical contact nor any sharing of confidences/private stuff appropriate only for the wife. Those are the kinds of things I think of as cheating, either physically or emotionally.
Maybe ask yourself this: Would a man ask another man from the check out line to have dinner and a drink ? (I guess you could also insert "woman.")
Probably not. The only time my hubby has dinner with another guy is on a birthday and usually only when the friend is single. That is why I think it is crossing a line....but not your line (Eleanore.) You didn't do anything wrong. You are not married! :)
Neither Eleanore nor her friend from the check out line did anything wrong, and the fact that some people might think they did just demonstrates one of the noxious effects of marriage, which is that it fences people off from the other humans and makes them the private property of just one person. Like slavery, marriage is social death. And if you run your marriage like a plantation, regulating your partner's every move and freaking out if it looks like they might enjoy someone else's company for a change, don't be surprised if he or she eventually jumps the fence.
Absolutely having dinner/drinks is not cheating. I'm a golfer and play mostly with guys because I do not know very many serious women players. And yes some of them are married. A friend was surprised when I mentioned I play golf with married men and she asked if their wives were ok with that. Really? It never occurred to me to ask. It's unfortunate that men and women can't simply enjoy each other's company without speculation. I think my male friends add a perspective that I simply do not get from my female friends but I very much appreciate both. The funny thing is that while some women are concerned about their man's female friends, I'm doing more to help their relationships than they'll ever know. I've talked many of my male friends out of cheating, leaving or just explaining what she really meant when she said/did xyz.
I would not be pleased if it was my husband.
I think it's completely innocuous, great fun for you both. Ok, perhaps verging on naughty mynx territory, but you are S'licious.
Having dinner with a married man after playing golf (or tennis or basketball) is perfectly acceptable. Having dinner with a single woman you met on the checkout line (because you said you liked how she was rockin' her boots) NOT. My husband and I have always had lives that include friends of the opposite sex, who we hang with, dine with, go to the movies with... we are not enslaved or chained to each other in any "noxious" way. We choose each other to be with and make a family together. If he came home and told me he had dinner with a woman he met in the supermarket, I would be very, seriously pissed.
I don't see what's wrong with that. It was just dinner to pass the time, with someone interesting you met. His wife may not like it, but you didn't do anything wrong, and in my mind neither did he. If you can't trust your spouse to be faithful, then you shouldn't even let them out of the house.
This is so interesting, so fun.You should have your own talk show. Your way with words can make walking out the door seem like a full party. I also love the variety of comments and each point of view. Mine is even though the drinks and dinner turned out to be innocent, i would not like it if my man invited a stranger out like that. Now if it were a female friend, work buddy, etc. that he has a platonic relationship with that would be different. aunt danny
Do you think he told his wife about you or your boots?
I think what he did was wrong, you did nothing wrong. You are not his regular friend, he just asked a woman out from a checkout line, that is seriously wrong being married. That kind of behavior eventually leads to a full blown cheating. I seriously doubt this is his first time doing such thing and that he said this episode to his wife!!
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