The Spinsterlicious Man-of-the-Month: In Defense of Strong Women!

Oftentimes, in conversations about why there are so many single women, someone defaults to a claim that "men are intimidated by strong women" as a reason for the growing numbers of the never-married in this country.    I'm sure this is true for some men, but not most...and, plus, it's not even the point.  I'm not in the business of blaming men for what I think is a fairly complex issue, and I own my spinsterhood.  It's nobody else's "fault".

Sy-Guy, our Spinsterlicious Man of the Month, was listening in on a radio interview I did a few weeks ago on KABC Talk Radio.  Afterwards, we talked about how some callers kept wanting to take the conversation in the "men are intimidated..." direction.  I invited Sy-Guy to express his thoughts on this and he happily wrote the following guest post:

In his own words:

The Spinsterlicious Life celebrates the lives of never-married women who are living inspiring and joyous lives (without being married).  And yet when we discuss it, write about it or comment on it, the topic often turns to men’s attitudes toward “Spinsterlicious women” and whether they are threatened by their strength and independence.

It might or not be true—that some men are threatened by strength and independence —but I think it’s a mistake to allow that to become the conversation here. 

Part of what makes a Spinsterlicious woman special is her joy in a life not defined by marriage.  When we discuss men’s attitudes, we are allowing the delicious life of an unmarried woman to be defined by relationships with men.  Spinsterlicious women are defined by whatever makes their life journey unique and special.  And while women can have all kinds of relationships with men, those relationships or lack thereof should not overwhelm her self-concept.

As a man in a committed relationship, I embrace our relationship and find joy in our commitment, but it does not define who I am nor does it define her.  I am defined by how I view the world or universe, how I act each day, how I affect others.  I choose to define myself by acceptance of the way things are, compassion toward others and living each day with usefulness. And so does she. 

This was put to the test for me when I separated from my wife of 25 years (her request) and was out on my own.  It’s so easy to have high principles about the situations of others when you’ve got company!  Not so easy when you’re suddenly alone! The woman I am committed to today I met online (where else!) and with both of us in our 50s there is plenty of strength and independence in this household! It’s not intimidating; I love it!  We’ve had to meld together the lifestyles and preferences of two people who are by no means wet clay anymore.

Whether we will marry is unknown at this point, but the relationship has helped me to understand a little better the Spinsterlicious life, a life not defined by a relationship, even when in one.

Sy-Guy was drawn to the strength and independence of his new love.  And I know that lots of guys find this attractive in me.  So...why do we keep defaulting to this (convenient) argument?  Is there some truth there?

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