Or at least I thought it did. One day while listening to one of her many stories, she gave me a bit of advice that I found startling, especially coming from her. She told me that I should "just find someone...anyone, and marry him". It didn't really matter if I loved him or even stayed with him for very long. In fact, staying was beside the point. In her view, being divorced gives a woman a higher status in society than never having been married.
In her immortal words: It's better to be a has-been than a never-was! I love the line and think it's probably true for most people. What do y'all think?
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7 comments:
I'm divorced, and if I could go back I would never have done it. It maybe different if I was older, but I'm young now and I was super young when I got married. Its really hard to explain to someone I'm dating that I was married, and the one time I met a boyfriend's parents after my divorce it was really acquired, they didn't like that I was divorced. I wish I would have waited. Its only something you should do if you beleive that this is the last one you ever want to sleep with.
I don't really care what anyone else thinks about my social status, so it's a non-issue.
Actually, while I think her advice is bad, you shouldn't just go and marry someone, anyone, I think that society does value "having been married", rather than "never married."
Actually value is probably the wrong word, but think it's more "normal". Hm, the more I type the more I think, well that's just wrong. Who wants to be normal anyway?
I have to say I probably subscribe to this myself- I'm doing on-line dating and view men who have never been married with a bit more of a questioning attitude compared to a man who is divorced.
I may be wrong, in fact, I'm sure I am as I have several lovely, funny, smart female friends who have never been married.
If I may comment on what Josie said. I'm about as judgmental as they get, but I wouldn't rule out always-single men with on-line dating. Some of these men might have spent years claiming they weren't ready for marriage and didn't want to get tied down, with many women walking away from relationships with them over time. As they age they find themselves a bit lonely. Marriage benefits men more than it does women. If men are ready to get married they'll often tell you on the first date to make it clear their objective. It really depends what they say and then their actions after that. Don't rule out the single guy. Our culture gives always-single men a bad rap.
@Cham: Thanks for your perspective. I mostly agree with Josie, possibly unfairly, that never-married men are a little questionable. I even posted about it (Uh-oh, I Might Be a Hypocrite)
Your point is a good one though that many may have not chosen marriage earlier but perhaps have a different pov as they've gotten older. (That's not entirely different from my story on many days)
I would never marry anyone just for the sake of getting married. I would have to be in love,or he would have to be loaded and I mean billions/trillions and really I say that in jest but I could not just marry for money there has to be physical attraction, makes me laugh, good manners and the rest. Money is good but not everyting and certainly alone won't make you happy. But i did tell my family in my obituary to please add that I was formerly married to John Doe. Right away they knew what I meant. Not that I loved him so but wanted the world to know that I was once someone's love. Back to the old "has been v. never was." aunt danny
I am quite interested on what divorced women go through. You could take the advice for what is worth and make it better according to your preference.
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