Spinsters We Love!

A guy I often see while walking my dog once said to me, somewhat apologetically, that he thinks "women who've never been married are kinda sad" .  I chuckled...until I realized he was serious.   He's going through a divorce so I decided to cut him some slack.  I merely asked him if he knew any sad married people (other than himself and his soon-to-be ex-wife).

 I thought  of several Spinsters we all know who I think have pretty great lives. Here's a few that come to mind right away:

These women are anything but sad.  I know...they're all celebrities so they're not like you and me, right?  Well, you don't have to be a celebrity to be a Spinster with a pretty great life.  There's this lady.

(me)

I'll bet you can think of more than a few Spinsters --famous or not-- who you admire (and who aren't sad).  Who are they?



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A Vacation Alone. Fun or Daunting.

As I sit here waiting for Hurricane Irene to hit, I think about how unusual this all is for NYC.  The last time I was worried about a hurricane I was in Mexico on vacation.

And then I started thinking about my love for travel, in general.  And then I was reminded of how I need to get my mojo all the way back in this regard.  I travel a lot, but almost always with someone.  When I was young(er) I took a vacation alone every year.   Whether I was in a relationship with a boy or not.  Whether I had girlfriends with free vacation time or not.  I always made sure that at least one of my trips away was by myself.  Whatever fancy struck me, that's where I went.

Me, in Marbella, Spain

Many of these vacations-by-myself were to a Caribbean beach because they're easy, but not always.  I took my first trip to Europe alone.  It was very exciting, and I felt very brave and pleased with myself.

So I don't know what happened.  I haven't traveled alone (except for business) in a long time.  Last year I spent a lovely weekend in upstate New York alone, but that doesn't really count because, well, it was just a weekend…and I had my dog with me…so I wasn't really alone.

I recall that I sometimes got lonely on these trips, but there were also times when I felt happy and free and unencumbered.  Somewhere along the way I lost something.  What, though?  The thought of a vacation-by-myself doesn't sound like that much fun right now.   I sometimes want to take a trip and don't have anyone to go with.  So I don't go.  I need to stop that.  I want to get back to running off on a whim to wherever I feel like going.  By myself.

Do you vacation alone?  To where?  What "vacationing alone" tips can you share?


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Those Last Annoying 10 Pounds

I want to be the kind of woman who never talks about her weight out loud. I really wish I didn't even think about it but, at the very least, I don't want to keep participating in the "I need to lose 10 pounds" conversations.  But I can't.  Not just yet.  I packed on a few pounds on my last vacation (it was fun doing), but now my dresses are a little snug around the middle.     I can't afford a new wardrobe so I will be counting calories and bitching about it for the next month or so.

  

Fortunately, just like I know how to put on weight, I know how to take it off.  I eat better.  For me, a diet of mostly fruits and vegetables, little meat, almost nothing fried, and not a lot of sauces works well.

But I'm always interested in what other people are doing.  I recently heard about   Fresh Diet, a service that delivers "fresh, nutritionally balanced gourmet meals" to you every day.  This is not an endorsement because I've never used them…but I like the sound of having tasty meals delivered to me.  Not quite as good as having my own cook, but close.

What I really want, though, is a safe and super-effective pill with no side effects that I can pop whenever I've porked up a bit and want to reverse it.   When's that coming out?


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Enough With The Platitudes...

...and other cliches. And now for today's rant. I hate trite comments, especially when the speaker is acting like we haven't heard it 10,000 times before. So when a woman who-shall-remain-nameless was trying to explain the concept of Spinsterlicious to a friend, and said "it's about being single and "living every day to the fullest", I groaned (inside), smiled a weak smile and said kinda quietly "well, not exactly"...when I really meant "not even close". Here's why: Banalities like "Live every day to the fullest" make my eyes glaze over. What does "to the fullest" really mean, anyway? It sounds exhausting to me. If I had to live Every. Single. Day. To the Fullest, I think I'd just go back to bed. It's too daunting.


When people say that, I know (think) they mean well, but it just feels so empty to me. I want them to be more present in the conversation. Living every day to the fullest sounds extremely stressful to me. Does that mean I can't take a nap? No Judge Judy in the afternoon? No casual dinner at that little Thai place on the corner? Their food is good but I don't know if it would qualify for the "every day fullest" award. So, Spinsterlicious does not describe some chick who can't relax because she's too busy being superlative. Spinserlicious means (being single, of course) enjoying the life you have...not dwelling on what's not there...having a leisurely glass of wine..."doing you" and not stressing about it. Much easier. My next rant? "Always do your best". (Just kidding). Is it just me? Am I over-reacting? Are there cliches that make your eyes cross? NOTE: If you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update! Oh yeah. And don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:E. Quogue, NY

Hate Eating Out Alone? Get Over It!

Being Spinsterlicious is a state of mind.  It doesn't mean "you should be single", but the fact is you are.  Maybe just for the time being or maybe forever, but while you are, you oughta live a full life.  Nobody wants to look back over their life and see all the things they missed because they didn't have someone to do them with.

I have a little bit of that.  I'm not really good in social settings where I don't know everybody;  I can be a little awkward, but I'm less awkward if I can attach myself to someone.  But I don't always have someone to attach myself to, so sometimes I'd just stay home…but I'm trying to get over that.  I'm learning to just do it (sorry, Nike).

I love eating out.  I love good food, ordinary stuff and ethnic foods and interesting combinations/fusions, fancy restaurants and mom-and-pop holes-in-the-wall and all kinds of places in between.  Eating out is one of my favorite activities.  But there was a time when I wouldn't go to a restaurant by myself.  I felt like I needed someone to talk to, and I didn't know what to do with myself while waiting for the food to arrive.  The notion of taking something to read seemed stupid because it didn't feel natural (though I have done it).  It felt like I was announcing to the room "I'm not really comfortable eating here alone so please excuse me while I use this book as a prop".


I finally got over it because I travel a lot for business.  Plus, it was cramping my style…if only in my head.  I don't like to let my fears get the best of me…unless it's a fear of something important…like bears, but I digress.  Anyway, despite the fact that I really love ordering room service, sometimes I wanted to see the city I was visiting and try out the local food.  Staying in my hotel room to eat seemed like a waste of a city visit.  So here's how I learned to eat out alone and love it (or, at least, not mind it).

First, I decide what I'm in the mood for.  Not the food.  Not yet.  What I mean is whether I'm in the mood for company or not.  If I am, I look for one of two things:  a restaurant with a good bar menu -or- one with communal tables.  This can easily be found out on any of the online rating sites --like Yelp--, a restaurant guide --like Zagat--  or you can call a restaurant directly or ask a friend for a referral.  Eating at the bar or a communal table gives you the option of chatting with the people nearby, and the talk can be as small or large as you (and your new dinner companion) want because there's really no expectation.

 If I'm not in the mood for company, I can move quickly to step #2.

#2.  What kind of atmosphere do I want?  Casual?  Hip and lively?  Quiet and low-key?  Formal?  Romantic?  Probably not romantic.  Usually not formal, either.  I find that formal restaurants aren't that much fun eating at alone.  I always feel like the stuffy staff think they're wasting a perfectly good table on my single a**.  Maybe it's my imagination…but maybe not.

#3.  So once I've decided "people or not" and the right atmosphere, then I think about what I want to eat.  That's the easy part.

Interestingly, though I learned to like eating out alone when I was traveling, it took me a little longer to be comfortable eating out alone in my own city.  I would feel self-conscious, like if someone I knew saw me eating alone they would think I didn't have any friends.  Then there's the thing where they might invite me to join them, not because they desired my company (though they should), but because they felt sorry for me.  Fortunately I got over that, too.  Now I just go…after all, I am Spinsterlicious.

What about you?  How do you feel about eating out alone?  Any tips for other Readers who aren't quite there yet?



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My Spinsterlicious Vacation

Aaaah.  It's been a fantastic week here in Martha's Vineyard, away from "real life", enjoying beach, sun, good people, and "the art of doing nothing" as my friend, Angie calls it.  I could become really good at this...if it wasn't for that pesky thing called Work that I need to get back to. GoldenDoorConsulting isn't quite ready to retire me yet, so I'll be packing up tomorrow and heading back to  my favorite New York City and the somewhat less carefree side of my life.


We did this just right.  We are two houses of good friends.  House #1 (where I am) is seriously Spinsterlicious: 4 Spinsters, 2 dogs, good food, great cocktails, and a really good vibe.  House # 2 is a bit more active, with 3 married couples, 2 divorcees, and all their kids.  Except for the logistics of the house composition, that's where the importance of the demographics ends.  We're all great friends and the married/not married/kids/no kids thing disappears when we're just hangin'.

The pace is slow-and-easy, and the beaches are scenic.

In New York City, which is so full of life and bright lights, the sun and the moon are kinda taken for granted. We don't give them a lot of thought because our skies are always lit up.  Here, we were treated to a show of beauty every night.

 Lots of wildlife.  The cutest, of course, are Danny and Monty...followed by the seagull from the beach, and the bunny who visited us every day.  We were a little more wary of the fellow in the bottom right frame.  If you look closely, you can see that's a skunk.  (I probably could have gotten closer for a better picture...but then I thought "maybe not a good idea").

And what's a vacation without lots of good food and drink?  (Well, to me, it wouldn't be a vacation).  The big pot on the stove?  The guys went fishing one morning and so a big ole fish fry was had that night!

And people in funny hats.  Me, on the left, and Larry David on the right.  Blurred photo, but it really is him.  I wanted to get a better shot, but he kind of glared at me and I chickened out.  I did not want to be the fodder for an episode of   Curb Your Enthusiasm




And what about you, Dear Reader?  How's your summer going?  I'd love to hear about one fun thing you've done this summer. Something that made you smile.  (And I'd really love it if you included a picture.)



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The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP

...is open for business!   A couple of readers thought it would be fun to sport a t-shirt with the Spinsterlicious Life  logo...and I agree with them.   I'm starting small, just in case Dear Readers change their minds and don't really want to look fabulous sporting Spinsterlicious goodies...but why wouldn't they?

I decided to throw in a mug  and tote bag just for the heck of it.  So I now start each morning sipping coffee from my favorite Spinsterlicious mug, before I shower and throw on my favorite Spinsterlicious t-shirt with my favorite jeans or skirt, and saunter off carrying my Spinsterlicious tote!

Please take a gander through the "store".  It will only take a moment.  Click on  The Spinsterlicious Life SHOP  link here or the Tab on the home page, and then the link to the store...and maybe even treat yourself (and a fellow Spinster) to something cute!

  Many thanks to Maiko Suzuki, the designer...and to you.   I'd love to know what you think.

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...Despite All The Warning Signs

I cracked up when I saw this cartoon in a recent issue of The New Yorker magazine (credit cartoonist, Donnelly).  If only life could be this simple and clear, right!?   It made me chuckle about all the warning signs I ignored missed in some of my past encounters.  Like the guy who managed not to mention that he might not actually be divorced (though he's certainly thinking about it). Or the one who didn't tell me he "goes for the jugular" in any argument, no matter how minor.  Or the one who forgot to mention his serious shoe fetish...and if it's not indulged, he can't "function".  (sigh)

And then I thought, "well, this needn't be limited to dating", because look at all the other times in my life when it would have been so great to know who/what I was really dealing with.  If only these people had their Warning Signs attached to their clothing it would have saved me a headache or two:

• My new roommate who was the most notorious liar I've ever come across.  Among other deceits, she didn't mention her 6-year-old son...until she brought him back for a visit (that didn't end) one month into our roommateship-with-signed-lease.

• The smiley, really irrational Boss Man whose logic trail I just couldn't follow.  (Didn't end on a happy note...although, in a way, it kinda did).

• The neighbor I have to duck because he didn't tell me before I befriended him that he goes on and on and on about not much at all, but always disguised as a really important complaint.

And then I started to think "well, what Warning Signs should I be wearing on my clothes"?  That I don't have a lot of patience?  That's all I'm willing to reveal.  Until everyone starts posting their Warnings, I'm not giving away all of mine, either!

What Warning Signs do you wish you'd seen...known...avoided?

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That Bi***y Friend

I had dinner with a good friend the other day.  I hadn't seen Jean in awhile and it was good to see her.  She was all girly and giddy about some New Guy.  It was cute.  But she was a little anxious, too.  She likes the guy a little lot more than he apparently likes her and it was making her uneasy.   But that's normal; really, how often do two people feel exactly the same about each other at exactly the same time?   She was trying to sort out what to make of it all: is he "just not that into her"  -or-  is she just a little farther along in the relationship right now than he is?   Sometimes it's tough to know right away.

     Except it wasn't at all tough for Jean's friend, Liz.  Liz was sure the guy didn't really like Jean, wasn't going to show for the outing they had scheduled the next day, and was basically going to make a fool of her.  She was also very comfortable expressing this in no uncertain terms.  Liz is married, which she seemed to think was some sort of credential for why she would know for sure what she was talking about.  I don't really know Liz, but I did I know this about her right away: she's not happy with her life right now.


Over the years, I've learned that unhappily married women are often the least patient with and least supportive of their single friends.  Since things aren't all sunshine and flowers in their lives,  one would think they'd be more understanding...but, no.

A woman in a happy marriage usually isn't so quick to put you down or to judge because she knows that she is fortunate that she and her husband have figured it out.  She knows relationships can be tough and she's not going to try to make you feel bad because you're being challenged right now.

Liz's behavior was the opposite of what it should be.  Unhappy Wife could have offered some words of advice on different ways to think about the relationship, given the situation and given the uneven-ness in relationships that she has, no doubt, experienced.  But no, instead, she was determined to rain on Jean's parade...even if it wasn't much of a parade.  And I don't think she's being that good of a friend.  A good friend would handle it differently...be a little softer...perhaps encourage Jean to talk more and think differently.  Liz actually might be right, but her delivery was all wrong.


Then, last night I was sharing this story with a friend. He agreed with me up to a point: his point was that it isn't necessarily the Unhappily Married who are less likely to be supportive, but that it's the Unhappy Person, period.  I conceded that he was  right.  No need to turn this into a Married-vs. Single thing, huh?   It's the "I'm feeling like a bitch" person we want to avoid.



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