Dating Young. How Low Can You Go?

So Demi and Ashton are finished.  They hung in there for six years which is about 4 more than I thought they would.  She's 16 years older than he is.  I wish I had faith in these kinds of relationships, but I don't.  Not for marriage.  I think she should have kept him for a Boy Toy for a year or two and then let it go.  Marrying him made him think he was her equal…and he's not.  And, well, you see how he behaved once he got comfortable.

I'm all for dating younger men, but I think there should be a few rules.

For women, anybody more than 10 years younger should probably be considered a fling…even a longish fling, but still a fling.  Men and women are just too different.  I don't think guys do well, long-term, with a woman who's much older.  Of course, if you just want sex and some momentary fun then I don’t think there is such thing as “too young”.  Okay, I take that back;  I’m not Mary Kay Letourneau and I’m not trying to go to jail.  Re-stated:  if you just want sex and some momentary fun, than I think any age over 18 is fine.  Maybe 21…or whatever the legal age is in your state… just to be safe .

But it really has to just be sex and some momentary fun and that really should be all you want.  A grown woman cannot have a real relationship with a man half her age.  Hulk Hogan's ex-wife tried it.  She, in her 50s, dated and was even engaged to a  23-year-old. (He was 19 when they started dating). It didn't last. Celebrities don’t count, though, because they’re already not-like-us.

My rule, in general, has pretty much been 15 years on either end, i.e., 15 years older than me and 15 years younger, giving me a range of men with an age spread of 30 years. (Lots to pick from).   But you know what?  This rule has changed from time to time because it depends on how old I am.  When I was just a young thing, I sometimes went out with guys much, much older:  me, 26; him, 60.  (I know).   I couldn’t have gone 15 years younger because I’d then be writing this from my prison cell.

Now the reverse is true.  I’m still willing to go 15 years younger, but really only 5-8 years older.  A man who’s more than 10 years older than me is kinda old.   And I don’t apologize for that; guys are very open about preferring someone younger…and so am I!

If you want a serious relationship and really want him to be your man, and you’re a woman-of-a-certain age, I think anybody more than 10 years younger than you are could be tricky.  Y’all should at least both remember the original version of the same song; if you remember Diana Ross singing I’m Coming Out, and he only remembers Biggie and Puffy’s version that was sampled in Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems…then I think you could have a problem.  It's good to have the same cultural references.

Here are a few things to think about.  Even though he’s younger, he should be old enough to:

• Have some of the same cultural reference points without you always having to explain
• Have worked long enough to have a career, not just a job.  You should not be taking care of him, financially.  He needs to have his own money
• Have real, hard-bottomed shoes in his wardrobe, not just sneakers
• Understand that he can only go to the club every now and than…unless he’s a DJ
•  Wear a belt with his pants
• Refuse regular motherly advice from you (“shouldn’t you be wearing a sweater, dear”).  If you’re doing that, stop it and find someone old enough to know if he needs a sweater.

Ideally, he has friends in a wide age range so you don't always look/feel like the chaperone when you're out with his friends.

If he's divorced and/or has a kid, I think that's a plus.  That way he has a little more experience at a grown-up relationship...maybe.

One summer day while walking my dog in a nearby park, I was approached by a young guy.  It was clear that he was super young (of legal age, though), but he was also a real cutie and I was in a good mood.  We chatted a bit, he played with my dog, and then bought me a drink at the nearby concession stand.  I thought it was all rather fun and amusing...until he compared one of my comments to a similar reference by his mother (who, I quickly learned, was actually younger than me!)   Note to young guys trying to pick up older women: keep your mom out of it.

Dating younger men can make you feel young and put a definite bounce in your step (and let’s not forget the s-e-x), but be reasonable.  If you want him to stick around for a long time, choose wisely:  the image of him pushing you in your wheelchair just isn’t attractive.

Did I miss anything?  How do you know if he’s too young?


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