My friend, Hannah, is a Spinster like me. Unlike me, though, she really hates it. It makes me a little sad that she does, because I think she’s got a pretty good life in so many respects. She’s cute (some guys even say “hot”), has an active social life, a good-paying full-time job, and a side hustle that she really enjoys. She owns her home, has a car with a reasonable monthly payment, and me as a good friend :-). I look at all this and think she’s got a lot going for herself, but she hates being single and not having kids…and it’s dragging her down.
So, I want to help her feel better about the place she’s in. I know I can’t really “make her Spinsterlicious”; only she can do that, but I’d like to try to help. Spinsterlicious-ness is a mindset, a place that celebrates what’s good about your life, and frees you up to enjoy the choices you’ve made…consciously or unconsciously. I don’t think she needs to love being single, but I do think she should embrace what’s good about her life. So here’s a few thoughts I want to share with her:
1. Try not to feel/look/act desperate. It's not attractive to guys AND it causes you to make poor decisions (not you specifically, desperation makes anyone make poor decisions)
2. Think for just a minute about all the miserable married people you know. Just the miserable ones. It’ll remind you that marriage is not necessarily the answer to your problems. Which leads me to point 3.
3. Is it really being single that’s making you so sad, or are there other things going on in your life that might be causing it, and being single is just something easy to point to?
4. Take an assessment of what’s good about your life and “live there” for awhile. Studies show that people who actively appreciate their good fortunes are happier. And finally…
5. Throw on some high heels and lip gloss…and a smile the next time you go out. (It can’t hurt!)
I’d love to hear other perspectives. Do you have any advice for Hannah to help her live a Spinsterlicious life…for the time being –or- forever? Please post your thoughts below and let’s get this girl movin’!
6 comments:
6. Go on a 2 week vacation to Italy. Maybe a month. Heck, move over there!
I like the other posters comment. If Hannah really wants to husband and kids and time is running out, it maybe necessary to take a wonderful vacation or do something very life changing.
Having said that...I am of the firm belief to enjoy whatever space you are at the moment. I am not married but in a relationship but I've been single many or most of my years (I am 43). I experienced a lot of joy when I was single just like I experience joy being in relationship (just a different kind). Being in a place where you are waiting for your life to begin is not a great place...it's much better to feel joyful now to attract that joyful partner who can add to what you have already created for yourself!
I understand something now. I understand that the joy I have in my life comes from within me mostly, with or without a partner. Yes, it is nicer to have a partner in many ways but also challenging! Having someone brings it's own joys but also disappointments so I say, cultivate the peace and joy within so you always have it no matter what stage of life you are in. Also, you dont' want to miss out on the wonderful gifts you are getting being single. There are gifts if you look and see them.
I just wanted to add an example of my life now. I have a bf, a very good man who I love but sometimes he is grumpy and negative! And it's hard on me. It's hard on my spirit. I didn't have to deal with this on my own. It's definitely a challenge but one thing I have decided is that no matter how he is acting, I wont' allow him to steal my joy!
So, you see, whatever situation you are in there will be positives and negatives. Trade Offs...that is life. You just want something where the positives outweigh the negatives. And singledom really does have a lot of positives and can have a lot of joy and peace.
Thank you so much. I really needed to read this...I'm usually pretty -licious in all ways and states ;) but just recently had an e-run-in with an ex and ...well instead of licious, just felt like ish :s but this definitely helped me right myself and pull my swagger back up ;) thx!
@Anonymous: A run-in with an ex can definitely trip you up, but glad you held on tight to your swagger. Good for you!
I agree with your advice. However, I am curious as to why such a terrific catch is still single. My sense is that she isn't really all that sad about being single...or put another way: she isn't all that anxious to get hitched. as she is looking around at all the married folks--happy and miserable--she should also notice that there seems to be somebody for everybody. I see folks I find unattractive married all the time. My point is that if she really wanted someone, there is someone for her. She may have to accept them without being airbrushed, but they are there.
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