The title of this post sounds like it belongs to a romantic drama on the Lifetime Channel, doesn't it? And it kinda is, except it's not a movie, it's real life...and Lordy, I sure hope the woman I'm writing about doesn't know about my blog. (Could be awkward).
Anyway, my (distant) cousin is happily married to a man she calls the man of her dreams. I believe her. They're really cute together and they seem to be very much in love.
Here's the problem...if it is a problem. My cousin's husband --let's call him Abner, and her Daisy) -- used to be the live-in love of Daisy's best friend! Yep.
Here's my understanding of what happened. Daisy was visiting her friend when Abner came home from work. The three of them had dinner and a little wine...and, apparently the proverbial sparks flew between Daisy and Abner. Girlfriend became persona non grata that evening...although I don't think she knew it at the time.
Long story short, Abner moved from Girlfriend's place -to- Daisy's shortly thereafter. (Worked well for him, right? From one ready-made home to another).
I am told that (1) Girlfriend and Abner fought a lot and it wasn't that great of a relationship, and (2) that the attraction Daisy and Abner felt for each other was immediate, "electric" and clearly "meant to be". (Of course...for both 1&2).
However, I must say, Daisy and Abner have been married for 10 years and they do seem to be very much in love. That's the Had-to-Happen Love Story part
The Ultimate Betrayal part? Well, Girlfriend lost her Best Friend AND her Man at the same time. Wow. (Crazy, right? Because if you're fighting with your man, your best friend consoles you. If you're fighting with your best friend, your man can comfort you. But not for Girlfriend...now what?)
So, here's what I've thought about all these years:
- Should Daisy and Abner have "fought" their feelings...for ethical reasons? -or-
- Was their relationship meant to be...and that's that?
I can't say what I would do in a situation like this because I believe you can't definitively know what you'll really do in a situation you've never been in. I would hope, though, that I would respect my friendship with my good friend and avoid her man. But...suppose "that feeling" is the most powerful ever felt? Suppose it was meant to be? Then what?
What say you?
NOTE: Don't forget to visit The Spinsterlicious Life Shop. They make a statement... and a great gift!
And if you like "Spinsterlicious" and want to be notified of new posts, please subscribe "Via Email" in the box on the right. You'll receive an email when there's a new blog post. Or "Like" Spinsterlicious on Facebook. Just click the button at the top of this page. Or "Follow Me" on Twitter (button on the right). Whatever you do, don't miss a Spinsterlicious update!
12 comments:
I actually worked with a girl and the same thing happened. She was invited to her girlfriends and the boyfriend was there and my co-worker and the boyfriend felt sparks and while I don't know the the full details but my co-worker ended up married to the boyfriend and it has been 30 years. So this too was a love ment to be and I don't know what happened with the girlfriend but I know the friendship broke up immediately. I think the heart knows. It's a difficult situation but does happen. It's hard and has to be real with strong feelings and commitment to work. I think the one who does the stealing and the man are viewed as heels/cads at first. Actually this almost happened with me and it was emotionally hard because you do think about the girlfriend. But..if you believe it "all is fair in love."
Abner committed the ultimate betrayal. Had things not been working between him and girlfriend he should have ended the relationship. If it was meant to be with Daisy it would have happened at a different time and under different circumstances. Daisy on the other hand did not respect her girlfriend and should have waited until both girlfriend and Abner were no longer together.
It would appear that if you're in a relationship, you can never exhale then. Or perhaps you should listen to that "still small voice" and get out of something that isn't working as soon as possible.
Daisy and Abner should definitely not have forgot about their feelings. Abner and the girlfriend didn't have a great relationship anyway, and they weren't married. Two people who felt such a strong connection, should be together. Many people never experience it, if you do, it would be too sad not to act on it. Maybe it could have been handled differently, treating the girlfriend with more respect to her feelings, but is that realistic? Anyway, I'm for the couple finding their one true love. Hopefully the girlfriend realized later it had to happen, who knows, now she might be happy with her own soulmate rather than stuck in an unhappy relationship or marriage.
Here is a follow up question, would anyone trust Abner or Daisy? I would be apprehensive about them around my love ones or children.
Boundaries, self control, just to name a few... OK, so their relationship lasted, hooray, I guess:-/ but of all the people on the planet earth and you just have to have that particular person? Wow
Awesome Essence:
The story reflects the true irony of Life and how we can be moved by any number of "phenomena". Ultimately, the gift of Free Will is both a blessing and a curse; what we choose to do with this life can either exalt us or condemn us. Years ago I would have followed Abner down the path he took; now, as I sit listening to Sarah Vaughn singing, "Swing Low", I can only reminisce about Love and how it is such a precious tribute to give someone that we should never allow impatience to corrupt it. i believe Abner and Daisy would have found each other even if they had waited for the "deck to clear".
Good for them, I guess. But honestly, I doubt the girlfriend deserved that. Which is why my mother always told me to keep my friends and my boyfriend separate. You never can know what people will do when they feel that something is "meant to be". Betrayal be damned. You'd be surprised what people will justify for love.
My mother brought me up with the expression, "Never monkey with another monkeys monkey". IMO, friends just don't to that to friends.
Okay with me if the two have already broken up - although even then, you can kiss your friendship goodbye.
True love will have its way. I say you can't pass it up when you find it, regardless of the friendships. I'm sure it could have been handled much better! But the friendship with Daisy and her girlfriend would have to end no matter how well it was handled.
I'm a romantic and a firm believe in finding "the one." Sometimes "the one" is in a relationship with another.
I see Anonymous' point, however I think if there is true love between two people and it is powerful and obvious, the other relationship wasn't meant to be anyway.
I think friend's boyfriends are off limits. Where is the trust you have for your friend?
If it wasn't going to work out between the Girlfriend and Abner then Daisy could make a move on him. What sort of friend is Daisy?
And you know, if he could do it once he could do it again, but to Daisy this time, even if they do seem to be very much in love.
That's all. Maybe it is love everlasting but it's a shitty way to treat people. Hope I have picked my friends better than that.
So wat is the difference between the bf hooking up with the bff? I mean plain and simple, eventually the boyfriend will no longer be able to resist temptation and hook up with sumone else or like in this case with the bff. I think that is what is wrong with society nowadays, lack of being able to commit. When you enter a realtionship you should enter it with the full ability to commit. Otherwise be honest and tell the person you can't commit. Its hard to do but alot of heart ache and pain will be spared.
I believe in treating people with respect and honesty. I think that Daisy and Abner could have handled the situation much better. Daisy could have been honest with her friend about her feelings for Abner and Abner to do same. I don't believe in choosing Men over my Friendship's and I am a romantic at heart but I do believe that how people handle relationships (especially ending them) shows their character. I think that for many who believe that the heart will lead the way only say that when it is not their heart being broken. Also, just because Daisy and Abner are married for 10 years does not mean that they have the ideal marriage, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. For instance, it bothers me that this Abner lived under both their roofs but did not have one of his own...hmmm? In the end I hope that everyone is happy but pleas don't step on others just to achieve your own happiness.
Post a Comment